The Winter Olympics are Weird

I sit here watching 2 German woman in a plastic sled with wheels hurtle themselves down a tunnel of ice going around 90 mph. That's a sport? Really? As I type, they crashed and one of the German women was ejected and flopping around on the tunnel of ice like a ragdoll. Like who ever goes, hey friend, let's get a sled on wheels, stand at the top of a tunnel of ice, we both run, you get in the back seat and duck your head and let's hurtle ourselves down this tunnel of ice at 90 mph. Apparently it's a sport. Yeah, it really is. And let's do this over and over for years and maybe we can do this in front of millions of people at the Olympics.

Or does one decide, I don't need that loser. I'm going to go headfirst on a piece of equipment they call a skeleton on a tunnel of ice. And I'll wear a helmet because that will TOTALLY protect me.

Curling?!?! Really? Whose brainchild was this? Let's take brooms and sweep them around a puck looking thing and make it move, kind of like shuffleboard but on ice.

And who invented moguls? Hitler? It makes my body hurt just watching it.

The biathalon. Let's ski and then shoot stuff. Or is it the other way around? Pretty soon they are going to have the participants shoot stuff while skiing. Maybe the freestyle arial skiers could start shooting stuff. That would pep up that sport a tad.

Today I briefly watched a cross country ski marathon. I think it was 24 miles. That makes me tired just thinking about it.

I will say I haven't watched much skiiing but I'm really sick of Lindsey Vonn. Yes she is blonde and beautiful. But really when her teammate falls on the ski hill, I could give 2 shits about Lindsey's reaction. Stop showing her all the time because she is a beautiful blonde.

Someone they can keep showing is Apolo Ohno. I've developed a crush.

Oh Come ON!!!

So yesterday I go into Women's Speciality Care for an ultrasound to check on my ovaries to see if they are still housing some cysts. I made the appointment last Friday with their infertility coordinator (who rocks my socks off, btw) for 10:30am yesterday, and she tells me I will see Dr. O'Toole (who I have affectionately named Dr. Wonderful) afterwards. She also tells me to bring a book or something because it could be a long wait for him. I've done this once before (u/s followed by an apt. with Dr. Wonderful), so I knew to come prepared. I'm reading a book that I'm totally digging (Goodnight Nobody by Jennifer Weiner) and so I brought that and my latest Redbook. I'm classy.

So on Tuesday I have a message from Dr. Wonderful's office reminding me of my 11:15am with him. I call back to make sure they have me scheduled for the u/s at 10:30am and they do. So I'm thinking, SWEET!!!!! 10:30am u/s, apt. with Dr. Wonderful at 11:15am and I'm outta here. Yeah, no. Dr. Wonderful did not grace me with his presence until 12:40pm. And it took all of 5 minutes.

I should have known better because I heard a patient ask if Dr. O'Toole was running on time, and the staff actually had the nerve to say yes. That was my first red flag. Then a very pregnant woman who was also in the waiting room got called just before I did (around noon-ish) and tells me she also had an 11:15am with Dr. Wonderful. AGH!!!!!

So here's the where the Oh Come ON part comes in. I'm getting the ultrasound and not only are my cysts gone, but apparently my follicles are just ripe for the picking. They look better than they ever did when I was on clomid. Seriously?!?!?! But then Dr. Wonderful tells me later on that I most likely have endometriosis because my periods are insanely heavy (picture floodgates opening up) and 3 aleve just barely take the edge of my cramps. So if I want to do something about the endo, he told me to come back and we can discuss my options. Most likely I'd start with BC pills.

Ok, so we've accepted that we are going to have one, and are even starting to embrace it. Now my body is saying, hey I could get pregnant, but maybe not, and you should go on BC to manage the endo.

So I'm all steamed in the exam room waiting for Dr. Wonderful and he comes in and charms me. You can't help but like him. It's so annoying. But I've been seeing Dr. Gibson for my paps and that lovely stuff, so I think I'm just going to stick with him. I don't have to worry waiting for him for almost and hour and a half. Plus a good friend of mine used to be his nurse, so I like to think he's a little extra nice to me. And he's the doctor that prescribes my lexapro, don't want to mess with that.

We're One and Done

So my 14 readers, are you excited to see a new blog post?!?!? I know, I know.

So last time we were together, this blog could be summed up like this "Paige drives me crazy-I can't get pregnant-my coworkers suck-I can't get pregnant-Paige is driving me CRAZY!!!!-my coworkers still suck-Mike is driving me CRAZY!!!!-I can't get pregnant-I can't get pregnant, etc." Mike still drives me crazy, but I love that man so much. Paige will always drive me crazy, but I love her so much it hurts. My coworkers still suck and well, they always will. I can't get pregnant-yeah, we're done with that.

Basically I am the reason why we can't get pregnant. Mike has "wall of fame" sperm-a nurse at Dr. Severino's office words, not mine. I have weird tubes and ovarian cysts. So after months of clomid, ultrasound, bc pills to shrink the cysts, peeing on a stick, IUI that all failed, just reinforcing the fact that I'm the reason why we're not getting pregnant, we are done. Paige asked once for a brother or sister and Mike and I quickly explained that we fought with our siblings all the time growing up (did NOT have to make that up, BTW), she quickly dropped it. The few times I've been with her and babysitting Dylan, she has not been a fan of sharing my attention with Dylan. And to be brutally honest, I don't think I would be a good mother of more than one child. I get frazzled too easily. Yes, it's hard looking back at Paige's baby and toddler pictures knowing I will never get to do that again, but is that a good enough reason to have another baby?

Adoption was not an option for us. Call me selfish or whatever you want, but after carrying and delivering my own child, I wanted to do that again. IVF was not an option either for financial and ethical reasons.

So we have our sweet Paige and the sun will continue to rise and set on her in our (and her!) eyes. She is well liked, well behaved, is becoming more social and has lots of friends. Why mess with that?

Mike took a new job earlier this year that pays nearly $4 an hour less than his old job, with no overtime. So we are taking a HUGE financial hit, but because I truly believe we are able to do that because Paige is an only child. We can still afford Catholic school, camping, water park trips (2 in April!!!), a Badger Bouncers birthday party, Disney on Ice, and other fun stuff. He's working with mentally handicapped adults in their homes. No more delivery driver! No more sore back, driving for hours a day in the snow, etc.

Having an only child is right for our family. I do not want to bash families with more than one child, it's just not right for us.

I Go Back

I had a conference at the Paper Valley Hotel in downtown Appleton this week. The Outagamie County courthouse is a few blocks away from the hotel and being down there brought back a ton of memories of my dad's trial almost 2 years ago. I was hoping the memories would fade by now but they haven't. I skipped out of the lunch presentation the first day and walked to the church where we spent most of the almost 9 hours of the jury deliberations. We lit a candle and prayed to Mary, prayed in the pews, and sat in a meeting room off the church and listened to someone practice the organ and the choir practice. Someone brought us a tray of food to snack on while we waited. Around 5pm Kristin, Tom, Mike and I walked to the Paper Valley to get coffee from the Starbucks there. It was pouring on our way back and we tried to run carrying these coffees. Around 7:30pm or so I started to really lose it. I begged Mike to let us get a room at the Paper Valley so we could lay down, warm up, and I could get out of the damn dress clothes I'd been wearing all day. He never said no, just always tried to distract me. Around 8:00pm we went to our car so I could recline the seat back and crank up the heat. He talked to his dad on the cell phone. Around 8:45 pm we decided to go back into the courthouse and when we walked in, the court clerk told us "the verdict is in." I called Kristin and the next 15 minutes were the longest of my life. I'll never forget rocking back and forth and saying "please God" over and over as the jury filed in. The other day I went back to that church, prayed in the same places we did, and walked around the meeting room. I walked by the courthouse. I hope these memories will fade someday.

On to some good stuff. I've had a fun couple of days! Thursday night I went out with some friends to Margarita's...yum-o. Friday night I went to Jason Michael Carroll with some other friends to the Brown County Fair. It was FREEZING but we had a blast! Yesterday we went to the zoo with Kristin, Tom and Dylan and then went back to their house for a cookout. After supper Kristin and I took the kids out for what I call the Walk of Death. They live in a subdivision right off of a county highway and they are the first house in the subdivision. It's a nice house but the location blows. So we walk on this super busy county highway to a country road for a half hour. We had to keep crossing the road when traffic was coming our way but then we'd have to cross again. People were blowing by us at 60 mph and I was freaked out the whole time. Kristin wanted to do a "power walk" which I knew had bad written all over it. She was one step away from a full out sprint. I could hardly keep up and finally on the way back I didn't even try. I was at least 20 feet behind her. My house may be in a ghetto looking neighborhood (it's really not, the houses are just older) but I can walk in the middle of the road and see maybe 2 cars in a half hour walk.

I didn't have IUI this month. I had an ultrasound on day 11 and I had something on my ovary that was either an unusually large follicle or a cyst. Dr. O'Toole was leaning more towards cyst so no IUI. I was honestly thinking cyst too because on days 8-10 I was all bloated, crampy, feeling tons of pressure, etc. So if I get my period this month (which I think I will, Mike was driving me NUTS yesterday meaning I'm feeling PMS-y), I'll have another ultrasound on days 1,2 or 3 of the next cycle to see if the cyst is still there. If it is, no clomid. If not, clomid this month and possibly an injection to force ovulation. I think I've decided that I'll do this for 6 months and then be done with it. Our insurance covers the insemination process itself but not the lab charges to wash Mike's swimmers. That's about $300. I think I'm getting to a place where I'm ok with Paige being an only child. It dawned on me not too long ago that she has never ONCE asked for a baby brother or sister. There's lots of reasons why I'm starting to feel like this but I honestly don't feel like going into it right now.

I have more to say but I don't feel like typing anymore. Stay tuned dear readers.

The Ol' One Two Punch

Nope not pregnant this month. On Tuesday morning I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. My stupid period didn't start until Thursday which technically made me a day or two late. So for two days I kept thinking, well maybe I tested too early, maybe I'm one of those unusual ones that gets a negative pee test, but positive blood test, blah blah blah. Oh no. I woke up Thursday morning and there it was.

To top off my sadness, I stopped at the Humane Society Thursday afternoon because they had a dog that they put in our paper last week that I absolutely fell in love in with. She was a golden retreiver mix. Mike and I talked about it for a little bit but never really decided. So since I was sad on Thursday I decided to stop in and see if this dog could cheer me up. Well someone put in a really good application on her and she's probably adopted out by now. Good for her, sad for me. So I'm looking at petfinder.com for little dogs that are good with kids but Mike is not on board with getting another dog. I figure if I can't have another baby, I'll get another dog. Maybe I'll turn into an animal hoarder.

In good news, I'm down 20 pounds! Yay me! However I stayed the same this past week and I'm afraid I won't go down much next week. I'm an emotional eater and I'm eating stuff I shouldn't be.

Tomorrow is the first day of August already. Yikes. Gotta get the kid some school supplies pretty soon. My baby will be in kindergarden....so weird.

I Really Am A Judgemental Bitch

This should come as no surprise to you, but allow me to confirm. Today I'm perusing different car seat websites to see what new high weight harness seats are out there so I can update my work list that hasn't been updated, in oh, over a year. So I stumble onto this website with message boards that people can post questions, reviews, etc. It's mostly women and their signatures are out of control! I must share with you.

J, mommy to C 7yrs, 52" 46lb Harnessed in a Regent w/mom, PW w/Dad and Gma, E 4yrs, RF'd to 3yrs 35lbs in an EFTA, now 41" 40lb, harnessed with mom & dad in a Nauti, Vivo w/ Gma

C, SAHM to J age 5.6yrs, 43" overall, 17" torso in a SK Monterey (2004 Chevy Impala) and Britax Regent (2005 Honda Accord)

DD2 - 3.5yr, 41", 33lb, RF in a Lauren BV/Cowmoo MA/Olivia MA (with a tiara & ponytail on her head in the pic - she just fits rf)DS2 - 22 mo, 32", 25lb, RF in a Aqua BV/FPSVD/Odyssey DCDD1 & DS1 safely using adult seat belts (12 yrs & 10 yrs)

Me & DH FF'ing in seatbeltsDS 6/04 Harnessed, FFing in a Graco Nautilus/Matrix (in a 2004 Toyota Matrix) and a Radian 65/Champagne in a 1999 Mazda 626.

W, mommy to P, (7/26/02, 45.5", 40#)2004 Audi A4: Parkway, 2001 Nissan Xterra: NautilusTravel/Occasional Needs: RSTVAnd a little girl to be going into a True Fit Premiere, 9/19/09

DS1 4.5 yo - 35 lb (40.5") - FF in 2Radians/TrueFit/Traditions/CowmooMADS2 20 mo - 24 lb (30") - RF in 2AOEs/2Sceneras/MarathonAlso in possession of an outgrown Graco SafeSeat, a spare EFChase and 2 Clek Otos, just because...

I can decipher most of them, but seriously? Car seats save lives, I get that. But seriously, these women must sit on the computer all day and just wait for a question. As soon as one is asked, at least 5 pounce on it and repeat what the other said. It's quite humorous.

On my mom's group message board there is this big ass discussion about public vs. private schools and some of the comments have really rubbed me the wrong way. Alot of "I heard this, I heard that." Some are totally bashing East High, and while I at first bought into the bad school rap that East has, I've come around. Everyone is going to think some school is bad because of something they heard from one or two people. Some are dissing private schools. WTF?!?!?

Yesterday I had someone walk in unannounced for a car seat. I told our secretary to have him call me when he gets home because I HATE WALK INS with a passion. I ended up meeting with him and as I walked out to our lobby, he was talking with one of our Child Protective Service workers, then as I was making the appointment with him, one of our Economic Support workers came out to meet with him about food stamps. It was like one stop shopping for him. How fun. He was actually a pretty nice guy and I felt bad for being such a judgemental bitch (see I have feelings) so I went into my friend's office to tell her about this. We end up looking him up on our case management system and find out he was just discharged from Brown County Mental Health 2 days earlier. Yeah! I guess he was totally wasted and talking about how he was going to hurt himeself or someone else and then he refused follow up services after he was discharged. Good thing we take appointments in the same building as the police department.

So the appointment before him should be a good one too. I was checking my vmail messages with my friend in my office and all of a sudden she's like OMG that's the chick I've been trying to get a hold of! This chick, A, we'll call her, has 3 kids and knowingly moved into a lead filled duplex before the landlord could get the lead taken care of. A lied to my friend and said she had her kids tested for lead, then also told her landlord the kids were tested, their results were normal and my friend said it was ok for her to live there. All lies! My friend keeps calling her, but A won't answer. So she has a 10 month old baby crawling around in a lead infested apartment and won't do a damn thing about it. Oh yeah and she's getting a free car seat.

I am so sick of our fucked up system.

Boring

It's been a week and a half since my last blog entry. I really don't have much to say. I figure people are sick of me bitching about my pinkeye, but I'll just say a few more things about it. It. Sucked. The. Big. One. Last week Wednesday I went to an opthamologist because after a week my eye was still crusted shut in the morning. I had a 2pm apt. and was seen by Dr. Wonderful at 3:30pm. Super. He looked in my eyes for about 2 minutes, proclaimed he couldn't see discharge (um, what? So what's been crusting my eyes shut every morning for the past week?), said it may be viral, but he'll prescribe a new kind of drops anyway. Thank god, they worked. I'm now done with eye drops and my eye is back to normal.

Moving on.

So a summary of the past month. Kenny Chesney rocked! We had such a nice weekend away! Sugarland rocked too, and the fact that I got completely tanked probably added to the fun of the night. The Brewer game was a lot of fun too, we went with good friends, had great seats, and the Brewers won!

This past weekend, Mike, Paige and I went shopping, ran errands, etc. on Saturday morning. I was THIS CLOSE to leaving Paige at either Fleet Farm or Shopko. She was truly obnoxious. I got her 3 pairs of school shoes and 4 school shirts and she whined the whole time that "I NEVER get her anything!" Ugh. We went to a festival with the same friends we went to the Brewer game and their daughter Grace then went back to their house for supper. We love getting together with them because the girls disappear for hours and we can actually, you know, have adult conversations. It's a good thing. On Sunday I invited myself over to Melissa's house because her husband was working crappy hours. Paige was....weird and obnoxious again. I was ready to crawl in a hole when she told Melissa her living room was a mess. I think I liked her better when she didn't talk. Let's go back to that Paige. They have a big swingset and a trampoline but she found sitting on my lap or a patio chair much more entertaining. Came home and was actually productive around the house. Mike cleaned out the garage and I cleaned the house. Why I even bother to wash the floors I'm not sure. They're dirty already.

See, told ya this would be boring.

Damn You Pinkeye!

Tuesday night I felt the telltale goop and weird filmy feeling in my left eye. Look in the mirror and PINKEYE. UGH!!!!! So I decide to save myself time and money and just use Paige's eye drops from 2 weeks ago since I have the exact same symptoms. Called the pharmacist on Wednesday and he agrees that's fine. So after 3 full days of playing outside with Paige in the sun with no contacts (=no sunglasses) and 3 mornings of my eye crusted shut I realize that my eye is not getting better. I go into Urgent Care tonight and the NP thinks that Paige's drops may have been contaminated and she gives me new ones. I hope they work quickly because this is so annoying. I hate waking up with crusted shut eyes. I hate driving with my sunglasses over my glasses and then squinting in the sun while we're at the park. GAH. I know this is minor shit, but it's super annoying.

So Paige "graduated" from Safety Town today. I'm so glad I signed her up and that I took the week off. She learned so much! I have to admit though that I felt like the country bumpkin in the big city. Or maybe more like a 14 year old trapped in a 33 year old mom's body. I easily had the crappiest car in the parking lot. I saw many a Lexus, Acadia, Volvo, etc. I was the only one who had just one kid. All the other moms were walking in at least 1-3 other kids. I would hold the door open for these moms and very few said thank you. As we passed in the hall, they wouldn't look at me, smile or say hi. I just think that's rude. I really got the impression that alot of these women thought their shit didn't stink. Maybe it was because I didn't do my hair, had hardly any make up on, and had a t shirt and knit shorts on. I am not a morning person, and didn't think I needed to get all prettied up to drop my kid off and run errands while she was gone.

I had a super heartbreaking moment today. As Amy and I were walking down the hall at the school, Paige grabbed Amy's 3 year old daughter's hand and walked with her down the hall holding her hand. It was just so dear. Brought tears to my eyes then and it does right now. She's meant to be a big sister, why can't it happen for us?

SUCCESS!!!!

As of last week Wednesday, I'm down 15 pounds in 6 weeks! I weigh in tomorrow and I think I'm only down another pound. I didn't eat any JC food this past weekend and drank a few too many beers. Damn you MGDs for going down so smooth on Friday night. I haven't been feeling too hot the past few days and have had no appetite which I think helps. I have the weirdest symptoms, my stomach is a little off, I feel a little stuffed up, but the worst is how achey and tired I am. But since I haven't been feeling too hot, I haven't been able to exercise either. AGH!

Anyway, what I'm so jazzed about is that on Saturday we did some shopping and at Old Navy I tried on some stretchy pants a size smaller than I normally wear and THEY FIT!!!! YEAH!!!! I tried on a pair of jeans in a size smaller and while I could button and zip them, they were quite tight. I'd maybe wear them with a long shirt covering up my rear. But I didn't get them. I think they'll fit when I lose another 5 pounds. So that will be my reward when I lose 20 pounds all together.

Paige is going to Safety Town at Howe Elementary in GB this week. I'm on vacation. I drop her off there around 9am, kill some time in GB then pick her up at noon. Yesterday we went to a park with my friend Amy and her kids, then today we went one of the libraries with Amy and Lisa and their kids for an arts and crafts thing for school age kids. They had a potter who made a couple of things on a wheel and then the kids got to make something with clay. Paige LOVED it! It has been so nice and relaxing and making me wish I could stay home. WTF?!?! Did I just say that? I know every day wouldn't be like this, but it has been fun to just bum around with her. If I wasn't feeling icky, I'd be enjoying our time together even more. Then I check my work email from home and see that we may have to take some unpaid days off this year yet to save the county money. I think this year it could be voluntary, but next year not. ARGH! Then someone in the union writes back is the county board going to cut down on travel? Are we going to make our board smaller? Are they going to take unpaid time for their meetings? Makes sense. I do like my job most days I just hate the county politics bullshit.

OK I just have to say this....everyone around me is getting pregnant!!!! It sucks!!!!! I'm taking Clomid right now and we'll do insemination the day after I get a positive ovulation predictor. It's exciting that I could get pregnant within a week or so, but what if it doesn't work the first time? How many times are we going to do this? Will we do IVF? Adoption?

Thank God He's Home!

Holy shit if I had to go one more minute of being a single mom, I think I was going to check into the looney bin. Friday was LOOONNNGGG. All I could think of was "hang on until 3:45pm when we leave for Grace's birthday party at Badger Bouncers." Well while we were running errands Friday morning Paige complained that her eye hurt. I really blew it off, because, well let's face it, I'm a bitch. I stuck her in "quiet time" (read: watch a movie while I get an hour or so to myself) and pretty much ignored her. By around 2pm, her eye was all red and swollen and I thought shit, pinkeye. So I called her doctor who was booked solid the rest of the afternoon, but after hearing Paige's symptoms, squeezed us in. Yep pinkeye. Yep eye drops 4 times a day for 5 days. And yep, no birthday party because she was contagious. OMG, I felt like crying along with her when I broke the bad news to her.

On Friday night I get the bright idea to take her to the Milwaukee Zoo all day Saturday because we couldn't go play with any of her friends and we needed to do SOMETHING. So we packed up and headed to Milwaukee for the day. Driving in Milwaukee by myself with no help to help with directions was slightly nerve wracking, thank God Paige listened to me when I told her to be quiet so I could pay attention.

Grace's parents took pity on us for not being able to make Grace's kid party on Friday so they invited us to her family party on Sunday. That was really nice of them. Mike got to Kristin and Tom's around 3:30pm, so we got there, I dropped Paige off and sped home to have a few minutes to myself.

I'm so glad we went to the zoo on Saturday! Paige had an absolute blast and I pretty much let her do any thing she wanted. We got popcorn, ice cream, rode the train, she rode the carousel, and I think I spent $100 on goat food. She loved seeing all the animals too. The lions were pretty cool because the male lion paced back and forth right by the glass.

Babymaking news: my cyst is gone! YEAH! So I'll start Clomid on my next cycle with insemination the day after a positive ovulation predictor.

OK Mike is unpacking my Jenny Craig food so I better go help him with that.

Confessions of a Single Mom

Be prepared to be grossed out. Mike has been gone all week and I am living in filth. Here goes:

Mike loaded and ran the dishwasher on Sunday and I still have not unloaded the clean ones or put dirty ones in there. The dirty dishes have overflowed from my sink and are now taking over my counter. I promise to load and run it at least once before he gets home.

I cannot remember the last time I gave Paige a bath. It's been in the 90's several days this week and I'm justifying her lack of hygiene on the fact that she swam at home and ran through the sprinkler at her sitter's. That counts, right? I am remembering to dress her in clean clothes and underwear so I guess that's something.

Recycling and garbage pick up was yesterday morning and my recycling bins are still sitting outside. Not gross, just lazy.

The cat went outside this morning like he does every morning with the dog and we couldn't find him before we left. On our searching adventure, Paige discovered a dead bird in the front yard that looked pretty fresh. I have a hunch that Max had something to do with it and is off somewhere celebrating with his cat friends. I left a bowl of water outside for him and said screw it, he's staying outside all day. He's probably sitting by the door pathetically meowing and whining. We have shade in the yard and it won't be as hot today so he'll just have to suck it up.

Usually once a day, I use my handheld vacuum to clean up the litter around Max's litter box as he takes great delight in scattering it about. I haven't done that all week and I think the scattered about litter has migrated into the living room.

My floors are disgusting.

I can't wait for Mike to get home, not because I miss him but because I plan to throw the kid at him and run. OK, I miss him a little.

My alarm goes off at 6am, but I ignore it. I awaken to the sound of Paige walking in my room around 6:30 am and saying she's hungry. A few mornings I've told her to wait so I could sleep some more. Yeah that lasted all of 5 minutes.

I know what time it is in the morning based on what TV show is on. 6:30am: WonderPets, 7am: Max and Ruby, 7:30 am: Diego. If I hear Dora come on at 8am I know we're running late.

In my defense, it has been an unusually crazy week. Paige had t-ball pictures on Monday night so we had to get there at 5:15pm. We got home around 4:30pm, wolfed down quick supper then rushed up there. Tuesday night I worked late and didn't get home until around 6:30pm. Last night I didn't get out of Dr. O'Toole's office until 5:20pm so we didn't get home until 6pm.

I'm taking this afternoon off (well if my boss lets me) to go to lunch with a high school friend and then do some shopping. It's my birthday and I'll celebrate however I want!

I Married a Good Man

Alternately titled: Another Reason Why I'm Glad I'm Not a Stay at Home Mom. This chick who is in my mom's group drives me insane. She decided to join FB and friend requested me three times before I finally caved on the third request. We'll call her HTH. So HTH posts this little gem as her FB status: "I feel sort of bad though, but not too bad ... hubby is sick now. It sounds like he has what I had over the weekend and earlier this week. The biggest difference though is this ... he gets to lay in bed and sleep while I put the kids to bed. When I was sick, I had asked him to put them to bed without me, and he refused. He gave me some bull about how he has to work, while I can just lay around the house all day, since I'm a SAHM. He's in bed right now." A couple of moms posted how they agreed with this and I'm thinking WTF?!?!?!? To me that just shows a huge lack of respect to the mom. Why would you marry and have children with someone who thinks that little of you? I would honestly kick Mike in the balls if he ever told me to put Paige to bed if I was sick. That man has his flaws, but one of the many good things I can say about him is that he treats me as his equal and if I'm sick, I rest. If he's sick, he rests. That's just how it is. We both created this child, we both contribute to running this household, we both raise this child.

In medical news, I had my annual exam back in February and my Pap came back unsatisfactory for evaluation. This means: "An inadequate specimen does not mean that something is wrong, it just means that the laboratory cannot be certain that there is nothing wrong. Sometimes the Pap smear submitted to the laboratory is inadequate for evaluation, because it contains too few cells for accurate evaluation or the sample was not representative of the area from which most cervical disease occurs or there was excessive blood or inflammation on the slide." OK fine. So I had to come back for a repeat and I did that about a week ago. That one came back unsatisfactory too. ARGH! So I have to go back in a couple of weeks for a colposcopy. Honestly every time I see Dr. Gibson he sees my crotch. I'd like for one time to just go in there and talk to him and not have my feet in the ol' stirrups. At first they wanted to schedule me for next week Wednesday, but I have a follow up pelvic ultrasound with Dr. O'Toole and just though the colposcopy and a pelvic ultrasound might just be a bit much for my va-jay-jay. So next week pelvic ultrasound, week after colposcopy. Jeez, my life is just a frolick in the meadows.

In even more medical news, Paige had a t-ball game a few weeks ago and thank god they had a porta potty there. She peed 5 times in the 45 minutes we were there. It was awful, because she was so traumatized by it. So we left the game early and headed to urgent care. Did I blog about this already? It seems familiar. Her urine sample was normal, but with how often she was going, the urgent care chick gave her an antibiotic. Luckily, it kicked in fast and she was better in a day or two. However, her t-ball game this past week was at the same diamond and she flipped out when we got there. She got all stressed about having to pee a bunch of times so we had to reassure her that she was fine. She did run all weird though like she was worried about peeing her pants.

I read somewhere at work that our health insurance claims are up 31% this year. I like to think that I singlehandedly caused that increase. We went on my insurance in September of last year and since then I've seen 4 different podiatrists, had an ingrown toenail removed, 2 HSG's, 1 pelvic ultrasound, several visits to a reproductive endocrinologist, and bloodwork for both Mike and I up the ying yang.

Mike is leaving on Sunday for the Boundary Waters for a week with my dad, brother in law and a friend of brother in law's. I would absolutely hate it, but he's excited. I'm kind of nervous about being a single mom for a week. Hopefully Paige and I won't end up in the looney bin.

7 Pounds GONE In 2 Weeks!!!

I'm 7 pounds lighter than when I began Jenny Craig on May 20th! I'm so excited! I lost 2.8 pounds this week and almost dropped over when I saw the number on my scale. I really didn't stick to the menu very well this past week and "cheated" quite a bit, also didn't exercise as much either. But I must be doing something right. If I had a snack that wasn't on the menu, then I wouldn't have my JC snack. And I cheated mostly with reduced fat wheat thins, not sweets. I have been craving crackers SO BAD and couldn't resist them at Target. The food is expensive ($245 every 2 weeks), and I still have to buy my own dairy and produce, but IT'S WORKING! That's the most important thing. I got a new shipment of food yesterday and they sent a few meals that I know I won't like (meatloaf with BBQ sauce-YUCK), so I'll have to substitute a Lean Cuisine or some other meal like that. The first month of food was pre planned for me, so after this is gone, I get to pick my own food. Most of the food is pretty good. I have to start thinking of some things to reward myself for every 10 pounds I lose. Here's what I have so far:

10 pounds: New Kenny Chesney Greatest Hits CD
20 pounds: new pair of workout shoes
30 pounds:
40 pounds: family picture (I've been avoiding getting my picture taken)
50 pounds: shopping spree for new clothes!!!
60 pounds:
70 pounds:
80 pounds:
90 pounds:

Any ideas?

Our Memorial Day weekend in Eagle River was really nice. Mike took Paige fishing a lot, so I had lots of time to hang out with Dylan, read and relax. The weather was perfect so we really lucked out. We took Paige mini golfing and go-karting which she loved.

It's been a long few days. Paige's 5th birthday party was on Saturday. I hate getting ready for parties and this year was no exception. I was Queen Bitch working my ass off to get the house clean and ready and just about bit Mike's and Paige's head off a few times. Why do I do this every year? But everyone had a blast so that's what matters. I'm so annoyed with how rude people are. I invited around 30 people, put regrets only on the invite, got no phone calls from anyone saying they couldn't come, and only around 15 showed. Basically, family and some close friends from GB with a daughter a month younger than Paige. So we had an insane amount of food leftover and sent some home with people. My father in law and step mother in law (M & B, you'll remember them from my post about my in laws being pigs), decided to stay until Paige's t-ball game on Monday night. UGH. All I wanted on Saturday night and Sunday was my quiet house back and time to relax and do laundry. But noooooo, M and B decide to make themselves at home for the next 2 days. Even better, B's daughter and her boyfriend came up on Sunday so we had to get lunch ready for them. They redeemed themselves only by keeping Paige occupied and Mike keeping his dad busy in the garage. But the last thing I wanted was to entertain so I kept to myself. I really don't care if they thought I was rude.

I seriously cannot stand my FIL. When I was taking pictures of Paige by her birthday cake we were saying "say frosting!" or some gay thing to get her to smile for the camera and his dad yells out "say cowshit." I said we don't say that and he goes "well our kids' photographers said that." I don't give a rats ass what they said, don't say cowshit around my 5 year old who goes to a Catholic school, my mom Sister Mary Monica and my 82 year old grandma, thanks. He threw away his chew can in my bathroom trash can, hogged my chair all weekend, and when he wasn't in my chair he was stinking up my one and only bathroom. My poor toilet. On Sunday night he turned on some show where they were bleeping out every other word, and Paige asked him nicely to watch a different show. He totally ignored her. I was livid. And Mike (bless his heart, I love that man, I really do) has no balls around his family. He didn't say a word to his dad about that. He always says "oh grandpa's girl" but has yet to push her on the swings, play a game with her, draw, play play doh, etc. All he expects her to do is sit on his lap.

So on Monday, they were in my house all alone while Mike and I were at work and Paige at school and the sitter's. Not weird at all. They ended up going to GB, and were at least 20 minutes late to Paige's t-ball game...the one thing they stayed for. And Paige had a rough night. She went to the bathroom at least 4 times in the 45 minutes we were there and was so traumatized by it. We left the game early and took her right to Urgent Care figuring she had a bladder infection. Her urine sample was negative, but with her constant peeing, the NP gave her an antibiotic anyway. She's better already. But Monday night was rough because we were at Urgent Care for over an hour, didn't get home until after 8:30pm and Paige would not settle down and sleep because she kept having to pee and then was getting all upset about having to pee. She slept late yesterday morning, and wanted me to stay home with her. Major mom guilt. I had to go in to work because we had car seat appointments. It just killed me that I couldn't stay home with my kid because I had to go take care of irresponsible parents who basically do whatever they want. As I'm putting Paige in her car seat to leave, my cell phone rings and it's work. I ignore it. Work called again and I ignored that one. It was one of our secretaries and she didn't leave a message. I get in and realize some chick meeting with a CPS worker wants to come in that day for a car seat appointment...that's why I was getting called. Seriously, not an emergency. We were booked up yesterday, but I scheduled her for a couple of weeks. If she remembers, I'll be shocked. So car seat appointments all morning, a meeting at the hospital in the afternoon, and then back to work until 7pm last night. Back at it today at 7:30am. And it was just a long day...one of my coworkers is absolutely useless and lazy and my boss coddles her. Drives me up a wall.

Back to work.

Crabby

I'm ornary today. I know it's because I'm tired, got to bed too late last night and the kid woke me up too early today.

I really want to go to a concert coming up, but can't find anyone to come with me.

I'm feeling like a loser with no friends.

Just checked my work email and my boss won't let me go to a 3 day conference coming up in September because she can't afford to have me out of the office for 3 days. Whatever. All my expenses would be paid for. Maybe I can convince her if I work the next 3 Fridays.

I'm hungry and already sick of fruits and salads. I don't like the food I have to eat today for lunch and supper.

We're going to Eagle River this weekend. It sounds crazy but I've spent almost every night this week getting organized and packing for it. I'm trying to pack light, but we're basically camping in Kristin and Tom's cabin, so we have to bring our own sheets, pillows, towels, eating utensils, food, etc. Plus I had to sit down and look at my Jenny Craig meal plan and list out the foods I have to bring along with my yogurt, fruits, veggies, salad, milk, cottage cheese, etc. There is no way all of our stuff is going to fit in one cooler. I've been wondering why are we going to all of this trouble for one weekend, but it's better than sitting around here driving each other crazy. Plus I've been trying to do laundry all week so we don't have a huge shitpile waiting when we get home, plus keep the house semi clean. ARGH!

ETA: More reasons I'm crabby. Paige's bus was 5 minutes early, so we missed it. I feel like we will always have medical bills. I'm close to paying off my HSG and other crap I had done at Aurora last year, and we have about $150 left on Mike's chiropractor bill from last summer (about $500 total). Well we found out Mike's ER visit from last November goes towards his deductible so that's another $535. His entire ER visit for 3 stitches in one finger, and 5 in the other cost around $700. $200 for the "facility" charge, the hospital and supplies, and $500 for the physician's assistant to put in 8 stitches. His infertility workup at Aurora is another $450 and we're responsible for that too since it was this year and goes towards our deductible. UGH. Everytime I think we're getting ahead....WHAM something else happens. I still can't believe we have to cough up $700 for an ER visit because Mike was cutting deer with some machete weilding Rambo-wannabe who had no idea what he was doing.

I can't believe how much I have to do this afternoon: vacuum, finish packing, make a casserole, clean out the litter box, water all my shrubs and flowers, shower (well wash my hair, then take a bath), shave my legs, pack the cooler, pack a supper for Paige, etc. All I want to do is take a nap.

Day 1

So my Jenny Craig food was waiting for me when I got home. Luckily the neighbor girl was home and free to play so I shipped the kid there so I could unpack everything. Holy crap those meals are small. It took me a while to make room in my freezer and pantry, but I was able to fit it all in there. I ended up having to go to the Pig (Piggly Wiggly) to stock up on fruits, veggies and assorted other healthy items. Healthy food is EXPENSIVE and hard to find at a small town grocery store. I can't believe how many fruits and veggies I eat, I will probably turn into a strawberry at some point. Everything is all laid out for me and I follow a meal plan. Today for example, at breakfast I had a "bowl" of their cereal, Cranberry Almond Crunch and it was delish. I told Mike it was good, but I wasn't going to share a bite since there was only like 5 in there. Then I had a 1/2 cup of cottage cheese (half and half of low fat and regular, I can't make the switch to low fat cottage cheese just yet) and a 1/2 cup of mandarin oranges. My morning snack is a cup of fruit and one of their bars, but I didn't see this particular bar in my shipment of food, so I bought some Kashi bars last night. Lunch is their Turkey Burger, with a salad I provide, their dressing, and one piece of string cheese. My afternoon snack is 2 cups of fruit, then supper is their spaghetti and meatballs, soup, and my veggies (2 CUPS!!!!!) and my evening snack is a cookie and 1 cup of milk. Pretty much all veggies are "free foods" so I can eat them in addition to all of this stuff.

Last night I spent a lot of time cutting up fruit, measuring out my portions for breakfast and lunch today and reading over some of the materials they gave me. This is definitely going to take some time to adjust, but I'm sure I will get comfortable with this in a week or two.

I am going to stick with walking and strength training for exercise right now. I definitely want to get at least one 15 minute walk in at work every day and I really should walk the dog more often too. My main focus in these first two weeks is the food.

I have a phone consultation with one of their people tonight, and that will be once a week.

I want to lose 90 pounds and that will get me to a weight I was at 10 years ago in the summer. I was interning at SC Johnson, working out a lot and I have to admit, I looked pretty good.

I WILL DO IT!!!!

Houston We Have a Problem

My mission if I choose to accept it (which I kind of have to) is to turn this into a comfortable sleeping space for MIL and step FIL who are coming over in 2 weekends and spending the night:

This would be our infamous "back bedroom" aka "How to Control Clutter in a Small House." If you are looking for something and can't find it, it's usually in the "back bedroom." It's our catch all room for after we go shopping, as illistrated in the above picture, and we don't feel like putting the crap away. I have to admit I've never let the room get quite this bad.

The big blue and brown blob in the middle of the room is the new comforter I bought months ago and we just haven't bought paint yet for the bedroom. In the picture directly above, you will also notice a big bowl with epsom salts that I used to soak my toe, Paige's Easter basket, Paige's outgrown fall and winter clothes, and a bin filled with household stuff I got at Target this week.

The middle picture contains clothes I'm selling on ebay, and a couple of baskets of random crap that I have to go through to donate to Paige's school rummage sale. Yes that's a measuring tape, someone wanted the measurements of the clothes I'm selling. I'm selling that ride on toy of Paige's if anyone is interested. $25. I'm slowly starting to put her outgrown toys in there too in hopes that she doesn't notice they are gone and then I can sell them. I've already hid that toy and the Leap Frog alphabet thing from the fridge and she hasn't noticed. I'm quite surprised as she usually doesn't miss a thing.

There are actually 2 twin beds in that room that each have clean sheets that just haven't yet been put back on. The closet in that room is pretty well full too, but somewhat organized. If we do have another kid, we are so screwed.

Oh yeah, that top picture has my wedding flowers. Aren't they pretty? So rather than actually going to clean it out while Paige is at the neighbor kid's, I'm just sitting here blogging about it. I'm being somewhat productive though, I have a load of wash in right now and am going to hang it up when it's done. '

I think I have to put out tonight. I knocked my rearview mirror off my car and scraped the side of it pretty bad when backing out of the garage this morning. I left Mike a very apologetic phone message and he never called back today. When he didn't call back I knew he was pissed. He usually calls every day just to chat for a few minutes. So I offered to put out tonight as soon as he walked in, but he didn't seem to enthused. I bet I can change his mind.

A New Start

I'm done being this heavy. I've finally reached the point where I'm ready to do something. I've tried Weight Watchers, but I don't have enough willpower to stick with something so flexible. I've gained even more weight in the past month or so, and have gone up a size. Nothing in my closet fits. I have a double chin and don't want to be in any pictures. I'm done.

I've decided to do Jenny Craig. I need something extremely structured and laid out. I've ordered 4 weeks of food and I get a daily breakfast, lunch, dinner, 1 dessert and 1 snack. I can supplement the food with my own fruits and vegetables, but the food will come with a detailed menu plan so I'll know exactly how much I can eat. I want to lose 90 pounds. Once I lose 45 pounds, I'll get $50 off my next food order, and once I reach my goal weight and keep it off for a year, I get half of my membership fee back. I have a once a week phone consultation with a Jenny Craig person.

Mike is 100% supportive. He knows I'll be a huge crabby bitch at first and that him and Paige are pretty much on their own for supper. We might cook a few things on the weekend, freeze them and he can heat up during the week.

My goal is to lose 15 pounds before my high school reunion in 2 months. Wish me luck, I'm going to need it!

Do I Really Have a Five Year Old?

How has it been 5 years since my life changed on May 12, 2004? Seriously, how did this kid go from this:

to this:

It's just not possible. To quote my friend Melissa, I guess I blinked and she turned into this:

I then I must have daydreamed for a little bit because all of a sudden she was potty trained and sitting on Santa's lap:

And then I guess I blinked again because she was 4 and having a Princess Birthday Party:

Then like a day after her party, she started school!


And now I have a 5 year old who is old enough to feed her cousin:


My sweet Paige, I love you so much. I don't think you'll know how much I love you until you have a child of your own. Thanks for making me your mama.

Doctor's Appointments

This morning was my repeat HSG. First I had to go to Women's Speciality Care to pee in a cup and have them confirm that I really am not pregnant. The worst part of that was when the receptionist goes "oh this is exciting!" when I told her i was there for a pregnancy test. Ouch. Stick the knife right in my heart. Then over to Bellin for the HSG. I had moment of panic when they told me that a different doctor who've I heard is not very nice at WSC signed the order for my HSG so they weren't sure of that not nice doctor was coming or Dr. O'toole. THANK GOD Dr. O'Toole walked in. I was expecting the worst part to be showing my crotch to yet another man I barely know, but YOWCHA. This one for whatever reason was way more painful than the first one. I was doing Lamaze breathing. The AWESOME news is that IVF is not our only option. YEAH! The dye spilled through both my tubes, but for whatever reason one of my tubes is really, really big. It's not blocked, but it's big, meaning that the little hairs that are inside your tubes (I didn't know they existed) aren't reaching the egg to sweep it down. So after my repeat ultrasound in about a month, I'm going to start Clomid with IUI. My insurance pays for that!!!! YAHOO!!!! Please pray for us that this works. I still can't believe how much that HSG hurt, I'm still feeling crampy.

Bellin has valet parking, which I've never done before. It was pretty cool. Then I had about 3 hours to kill before my appointment with Dr. Van Beek, the best podiatrist ever. So I spent over an hour and $200 @ Target, then hit the mall to make a few returns. Dr. Van Beek cleaned out the dried blood, put a ton of antibacterial stuff on, then re-bandaged it, the toe only. No more surgical shoe, YEHAW!! Still can't get it wet though.

Then home to dig up my dead shrubs, off to pick up the kid, then True Value to return my dead shrubs that didn't come back this year, home for a quick supper and then to Paige's first t-ball practice. She was so cute! She was one of very few girls, I think there's only 3 girls total on her team and I think there were 12 boys. I was so proud of her, she hit the ball better and ran the bases better than a few of the boys! She really seemed to have fun which was the most important thing and so fun to watch. Her first game is next week and she has games every Monday until about the middle of July.

It's about 10pm right now. 5 years ago today at this time, I was asking for the anesthesiologist and in the throes of intense labor. I'd already thrown up and wondering how long this hell would last. I went from 4cm to delivered in 4 hours, but it was a very intense 4 hours. I can't say this enough, I still can't believe my baby is 5! More to come on that tomorrow on her actual 5th birthday. I love you Paige!

Dear People In the Pew In Front of Us at Church,

Church is not a party, it's a mass. It's sacred. We receive a sacrament, Jesus's body and blood. Therefore, after Communion, please refrain from speaking so loudly that I can't hear the singing, take the disgusted looks off your face when the 1st Communion kids did the May Crowning after Communion, and also refrain from impatiently gathering your things and being shift and ancey during the last song. I realize you must have had brunch reservations to get to and those were obviously your priority and the May Crowning added an extra 5 minutes to church, but seriously, some of us go to church and pray, so chill out. I'm sure Mass is long forgotten in your minds while you are stuffing your faces at an overpriced brunch. I've never seen you at Mass and I'm sure I never will again.

On that note, has Mother's Day turned into a Christmas/Easter holiday where it's one of only few times that people go to church? Church was PACKED. I realize that some people were visitors, but they had to put out extra chairs, I can't imagine we had that many visitors to our little town. If you don't go to church every week, don't go on Mother's Day.

I know I sound really judgemental, but I feel very strongly about this.

Paige experienced getting hurt by friends for the first time yesterday. She was playing with her friend Jen, across the street who is 10. There's a couple of other girls who play together with Paige and Jen and I think they are around 8 years old. You may think it's weird that we let Paige play with a 10 year old, but Jen has been at Sandi's since Paige first started and has always been like a big sister to Paige. She's a very nice girl and her parents have said several times that Paige is welcome there anytime. Paige played there almost every night last week and even ate supper there a couple of nights. Yesterday she was there for most of the morning and afternoon. Around 3pm she came back home all upset. Apparently Jen told Paige it was time to go home and then asked another girl if she could sleep over. I really can't blame Jen for not wanting to play with a 5 year old anymore, but it broke my heart to see my baby heartbroken. Paige is so sensitive like me and I have a feeling she will get her feelings hurt many, many times. Do you know how hard it was for me to keep it together and not break down crying too? I will need strength to get through the many years of school, that is for sure!

Mike is attempting to keep Paige out of my hair today as my Mother's Day present but it has not been successful. She is extra annoying and pesty right now and will not get out of my ass. I think she can tell that Mike is trying to keep her out of my hair and she's doing everything in her power to stay in my hair. My Mother's Day present to myself is lots of coffee, donut holes and the Sunday paper. Aaahh....