It's another. Mike's grandpa died Easter Sunday morning so we went up there Monday and got back yesterday. It's a 4.5 hour drive and it went surprisingly well, especially since Paige never napped. We stayed at his mom's house.
Tuesday morning, Paige woke up covered in puke. She continued to puke all day long at Mike's mom's house. Mike had to go to his grandpa's wake by himself which I felt horrible about. His mom wasn't too supportive either. She told Mike that her couch smelled like puke, and when he apologized and offered to clean it she said, no that's ok, I'll do it. Why mention it then? All I could do was hold Paige and catch her puke as best as I could, she wouldn't go to anyone else, even Mike and his mom never offered to help in any way. When I told her that Paige threw up water in the bathroom and that I laid a towel over it, she copped a huge attitude again. Mike had planned to spend the morning with his dad and then go to his grandpa's wake that night. But I needed him to stay with me after Paige puked for the millionth time that morning and it happened to land all over me and my clean clothes right after a shower. I kind of had a meltdown. When Mike told his mom, she said "well I never had two people to take care of you guys when you were throwing up.." Well excuse me supermom. GRRRRRR!!!!
Wednesday was the funeral and it was very emotional. His grandpa was a WWII vet and they did military honors afterwards, that part was very touching. Paige had a fever all day and I had to hold her all day. Again she wouldn't even go to Mike. We got home yesterday around 5pm, and we thought her fever might be breaking because her temp went down a degree and she was starting to perk up a little. Then the diarhea started and it hasn't stopped. Her butt is on fire and we're going through Desitin like it's going out of style. She has the classic rotavirus symptoms so I'll be home with her tomorrow too I'm sure. I don't mind though.
My dad's bond hearing starts in about 10 minutes. We heard yesterday that the DA is going to recommend a signature bond so that is good news. The decision ultimately is up to the judge, but the DA recommending a signature bond is a good start.
Then today my dryer starts making funky noises so I can't use it. It's old though so it wouldn't surprise me if we have to buy a new one this weekend. I just don't know what to do with the clothes sitting in it because my clothesline is full and it's socks and undies, not necessarily stuff I want to hang up.
I'm trying to say the rosary every day. I should probably go and say one before Paige wakes up.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Thursday, April 13, 2006
I'm Lost
Avoiding work again. I'm swamped, but I don't know where to start and again am shutting down.
I want to curl up in a ball in bed and hide away from everything: work, Mike, Paige, and my family. This is like a living nightmare. Paige is my one bright spot, but she can cause me a lot of pain as well. She was super tired last night and CRANKY. We couldn't do anything right.
People at work are kind of avoiding me and leaving me alone which I really appreciate right now.
My mom tells me we have to hold on to our faith. Well, OK, so we pray, hundreds of people around us are praying, and what if the worst happens and he's found guilty? What good did our faith do? I guess I just don't have faith in my faith right now; I have nothing to hold on to.
Weight Watchers is HARD! I'm only supposed to eat 28 points every day and the past 2 days, I've eaten about 55. Yikes. No wonder I can't lose weight. I'm starting to make gradual changes, like drinking more water, measuring foods, and being very aware of what I'm putting in my mouth. It's going to take a while, but this weight will come off. I guess that's what I have to hold on to.
My only friend from Hortonville emailed me and told me that she's putting a stop to the gossip she's hearing and is setting the record straight, which I appreciate more than words can say. But at the same time, it makes me wonder just how much gossip is happening? Aaah, the joys of a small town. She has been a total sweetheart though, offered to come to his court hearing next week and drop off a meal or two at my parent's house. I have a feeling they are going to avoid going out in public for a while. It's amazing how much power one person has over another person's life.
I want to curl up in a ball in bed and hide away from everything: work, Mike, Paige, and my family. This is like a living nightmare. Paige is my one bright spot, but she can cause me a lot of pain as well. She was super tired last night and CRANKY. We couldn't do anything right.
People at work are kind of avoiding me and leaving me alone which I really appreciate right now.
My mom tells me we have to hold on to our faith. Well, OK, so we pray, hundreds of people around us are praying, and what if the worst happens and he's found guilty? What good did our faith do? I guess I just don't have faith in my faith right now; I have nothing to hold on to.
Weight Watchers is HARD! I'm only supposed to eat 28 points every day and the past 2 days, I've eaten about 55. Yikes. No wonder I can't lose weight. I'm starting to make gradual changes, like drinking more water, measuring foods, and being very aware of what I'm putting in my mouth. It's going to take a while, but this weight will come off. I guess that's what I have to hold on to.
My only friend from Hortonville emailed me and told me that she's putting a stop to the gossip she's hearing and is setting the record straight, which I appreciate more than words can say. But at the same time, it makes me wonder just how much gossip is happening? Aaah, the joys of a small town. She has been a total sweetheart though, offered to come to his court hearing next week and drop off a meal or two at my parent's house. I have a feeling they are going to avoid going out in public for a while. It's amazing how much power one person has over another person's life.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Avoiding Work
I'm super busy at work and am sort of in shut-down mode. I don't know where to start so I'm wasting time on the computer. That's productive, huh?
I hit a bunch of rummage sales over the weekend and got Paige tons of summer and fall clothes. Plus Little Tikes basketball hoop, car and slide for $20 for all three pieces! I LOVE rummage sales. I also got a bunch of boy clothes for one of my favorite ya yas who is a foster mom.
I'm kinda blue today. I'm a very routine, structured kind of person, like my mom, and Paige got it from me. The past 4 or 5 days have been really weird. My dad came up Wednesday night and watched Paige Thursday, Mike went fishing Thursday night and had Friday off so he stayed home with her while I hit the rummage sales. I was all over the place, southwest of Green Bay and then way over the east side of Green Bay and even east out of Green Bay. I was a crazy woman! Then I came back home, Mike ran down to Green Bay to pick up the Little Tikes stuff I bought since it wouldn't fit in the Taurus and then down to my parent's to drop it off. I went home and finished cleaning and packing for the weekend while Paige napped. Paige got up and we left to go to my parent's house for the weekend. Mike went fishing for the weekend about 10 miles away from my parent's. I spent the weekend there, and then my dad came back up Sunday night and watched Paige yesterday. I finally dropped her off at the sitter's today-she hadn't been there since last week Thursday and I was worried about her falling back into her daily routine. So I get there and my sitter Sandi, is sick and her very pregnant friend is watching the kids today. She was sitting on the couch watching Golden Girls while the 3 or 4 kids played with Little People stuff. Great. Paige sometimes has a hard time when I drop her off and I had a bad feeling about today. She clung to me for a few minutes, but then she went into the kitchen to eat and was fine.
So I get to work and I'm tired and have a bunch of shit to do and don't want to do it. All I can think about is Paige and my family. I need to work something out with my parents if they want to come up and watch Paige, but we all need some sort of structure in our lives. Maybe they can come up and watch her every Wednesday or something.
I've decided to join Weight Watchers online. I'm at my heaviest and I HATE MY BODY. I've finally realized I can't control my eating on my own. I'm not a meetings kind of gal and a girl at work has lost 15 pounds with WW online. I went shopping last night and I can't even fit into 18's anymore, I'm wearing 20s. I hate shopping in the fat lady section.
I miss my ya yas, I haven't chatted with them in a few days. I bought the Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood at a rummage sale, but it's kind of weird so far. OK, back to work for a bit.
I hit a bunch of rummage sales over the weekend and got Paige tons of summer and fall clothes. Plus Little Tikes basketball hoop, car and slide for $20 for all three pieces! I LOVE rummage sales. I also got a bunch of boy clothes for one of my favorite ya yas who is a foster mom.
I'm kinda blue today. I'm a very routine, structured kind of person, like my mom, and Paige got it from me. The past 4 or 5 days have been really weird. My dad came up Wednesday night and watched Paige Thursday, Mike went fishing Thursday night and had Friday off so he stayed home with her while I hit the rummage sales. I was all over the place, southwest of Green Bay and then way over the east side of Green Bay and even east out of Green Bay. I was a crazy woman! Then I came back home, Mike ran down to Green Bay to pick up the Little Tikes stuff I bought since it wouldn't fit in the Taurus and then down to my parent's to drop it off. I went home and finished cleaning and packing for the weekend while Paige napped. Paige got up and we left to go to my parent's house for the weekend. Mike went fishing for the weekend about 10 miles away from my parent's. I spent the weekend there, and then my dad came back up Sunday night and watched Paige yesterday. I finally dropped her off at the sitter's today-she hadn't been there since last week Thursday and I was worried about her falling back into her daily routine. So I get there and my sitter Sandi, is sick and her very pregnant friend is watching the kids today. She was sitting on the couch watching Golden Girls while the 3 or 4 kids played with Little People stuff. Great. Paige sometimes has a hard time when I drop her off and I had a bad feeling about today. She clung to me for a few minutes, but then she went into the kitchen to eat and was fine.
So I get to work and I'm tired and have a bunch of shit to do and don't want to do it. All I can think about is Paige and my family. I need to work something out with my parents if they want to come up and watch Paige, but we all need some sort of structure in our lives. Maybe they can come up and watch her every Wednesday or something.
I've decided to join Weight Watchers online. I'm at my heaviest and I HATE MY BODY. I've finally realized I can't control my eating on my own. I'm not a meetings kind of gal and a girl at work has lost 15 pounds with WW online. I went shopping last night and I can't even fit into 18's anymore, I'm wearing 20s. I hate shopping in the fat lady section.
I miss my ya yas, I haven't chatted with them in a few days. I bought the Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood at a rummage sale, but it's kind of weird so far. OK, back to work for a bit.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Striking a Balance
On Friday night after I was home with Paige 2 days in a row and kind of looking forward to a little bit of a break, Mike informs that he wants to go fishing sometime this weekend, preferably Saturday morning. My immediate reaction was to say NO WAY, but I took a deep breath and thought about it. I guess it's really good walleye fishing right now, but isn't there always a good time to catch some sort of fish? He suggested going overnight and I said no because then you'll be tired and totally useless the next day. So he suggested that he could get up around 4am Saturday morning and go then and get home during Paige's nap. I said fine, but you're taking care of her in the afternoon, so don't pull the excuse that you're tired. And he actually did pretty well with it. I had to nag him a few times, but it wasn't bad.
FISHING FISHING FISHING!!!! I'm so sick of it! I knew I married a fisherman and it wasn't so bad before Paige came along, because I actually like my alone time. But he still wants to go a lot, and I don't know what to do about it. He knows he can't go as much as he did pre-baby, but he doesn't want to give it up. So we need to strike a balance: he wants to fish because he LOVES it, but how often? I feel like he has the rest of his life to fish and Paige is only going to be this age once. And Paige has always preferred me over Mike and there have been a few times when I've wanted to mention that maybe she'd like you a little more if you weren't always FISHING, but I bite my tongue.
Sunday he let me sleep in again and then we went to the mall with Paige. We'd never done that so it was kind of an adventure. She was pretty good as long as we kept moving. She LOVED the play area and the slide! I must get her some sort of outdoor play set; she loves to slide!
We need to strike a balance with Paige. How much do we let her get away with? She fell in love with this $8.50 teddy bear at Old Navy and I was going to buy it and let her keep it even though she has about 50 stuffed animals. Mike said no, which is fine, it would have been a waste of money. So then we go to this Mexican place for supper and Paige won't touch the cheese quesadilla we got her, so she ate tortilla chips and a cookie for supper. Healthy? Not so much. When she screams that she wants me to do something and not Mike, do I swoop in there and rescue her or let him deal with it? When she screams in her highchair because she doesn't like what we've given her, do we let her scream or give her what she wants? Do we let her live on PB&J's right now? Do we go downstairs in the basement and play down there EVERY time she wants or just when we want? I guess these are questions that lots of moms struggle with, and I'll just have to do my best.
FISHING FISHING FISHING!!!! I'm so sick of it! I knew I married a fisherman and it wasn't so bad before Paige came along, because I actually like my alone time. But he still wants to go a lot, and I don't know what to do about it. He knows he can't go as much as he did pre-baby, but he doesn't want to give it up. So we need to strike a balance: he wants to fish because he LOVES it, but how often? I feel like he has the rest of his life to fish and Paige is only going to be this age once. And Paige has always preferred me over Mike and there have been a few times when I've wanted to mention that maybe she'd like you a little more if you weren't always FISHING, but I bite my tongue.
Sunday he let me sleep in again and then we went to the mall with Paige. We'd never done that so it was kind of an adventure. She was pretty good as long as we kept moving. She LOVED the play area and the slide! I must get her some sort of outdoor play set; she loves to slide!
We need to strike a balance with Paige. How much do we let her get away with? She fell in love with this $8.50 teddy bear at Old Navy and I was going to buy it and let her keep it even though she has about 50 stuffed animals. Mike said no, which is fine, it would have been a waste of money. So then we go to this Mexican place for supper and Paige won't touch the cheese quesadilla we got her, so she ate tortilla chips and a cookie for supper. Healthy? Not so much. When she screams that she wants me to do something and not Mike, do I swoop in there and rescue her or let him deal with it? When she screams in her highchair because she doesn't like what we've given her, do we let her scream or give her what she wants? Do we let her live on PB&J's right now? Do we go downstairs in the basement and play down there EVERY time she wants or just when we want? I guess these are questions that lots of moms struggle with, and I'll just have to do my best.
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