I Go Back

I had a conference at the Paper Valley Hotel in downtown Appleton this week. The Outagamie County courthouse is a few blocks away from the hotel and being down there brought back a ton of memories of my dad's trial almost 2 years ago. I was hoping the memories would fade by now but they haven't. I skipped out of the lunch presentation the first day and walked to the church where we spent most of the almost 9 hours of the jury deliberations. We lit a candle and prayed to Mary, prayed in the pews, and sat in a meeting room off the church and listened to someone practice the organ and the choir practice. Someone brought us a tray of food to snack on while we waited. Around 5pm Kristin, Tom, Mike and I walked to the Paper Valley to get coffee from the Starbucks there. It was pouring on our way back and we tried to run carrying these coffees. Around 7:30pm or so I started to really lose it. I begged Mike to let us get a room at the Paper Valley so we could lay down, warm up, and I could get out of the damn dress clothes I'd been wearing all day. He never said no, just always tried to distract me. Around 8:00pm we went to our car so I could recline the seat back and crank up the heat. He talked to his dad on the cell phone. Around 8:45 pm we decided to go back into the courthouse and when we walked in, the court clerk told us "the verdict is in." I called Kristin and the next 15 minutes were the longest of my life. I'll never forget rocking back and forth and saying "please God" over and over as the jury filed in. The other day I went back to that church, prayed in the same places we did, and walked around the meeting room. I walked by the courthouse. I hope these memories will fade someday.

On to some good stuff. I've had a fun couple of days! Thursday night I went out with some friends to Margarita's...yum-o. Friday night I went to Jason Michael Carroll with some other friends to the Brown County Fair. It was FREEZING but we had a blast! Yesterday we went to the zoo with Kristin, Tom and Dylan and then went back to their house for a cookout. After supper Kristin and I took the kids out for what I call the Walk of Death. They live in a subdivision right off of a county highway and they are the first house in the subdivision. It's a nice house but the location blows. So we walk on this super busy county highway to a country road for a half hour. We had to keep crossing the road when traffic was coming our way but then we'd have to cross again. People were blowing by us at 60 mph and I was freaked out the whole time. Kristin wanted to do a "power walk" which I knew had bad written all over it. She was one step away from a full out sprint. I could hardly keep up and finally on the way back I didn't even try. I was at least 20 feet behind her. My house may be in a ghetto looking neighborhood (it's really not, the houses are just older) but I can walk in the middle of the road and see maybe 2 cars in a half hour walk.

I didn't have IUI this month. I had an ultrasound on day 11 and I had something on my ovary that was either an unusually large follicle or a cyst. Dr. O'Toole was leaning more towards cyst so no IUI. I was honestly thinking cyst too because on days 8-10 I was all bloated, crampy, feeling tons of pressure, etc. So if I get my period this month (which I think I will, Mike was driving me NUTS yesterday meaning I'm feeling PMS-y), I'll have another ultrasound on days 1,2 or 3 of the next cycle to see if the cyst is still there. If it is, no clomid. If not, clomid this month and possibly an injection to force ovulation. I think I've decided that I'll do this for 6 months and then be done with it. Our insurance covers the insemination process itself but not the lab charges to wash Mike's swimmers. That's about $300. I think I'm getting to a place where I'm ok with Paige being an only child. It dawned on me not too long ago that she has never ONCE asked for a baby brother or sister. There's lots of reasons why I'm starting to feel like this but I honestly don't feel like going into it right now.

I have more to say but I don't feel like typing anymore. Stay tuned dear readers.