Oink Oink

So you had to know this post was coming, right? And these words may come back to bite me in the ass, but please people STOP PANICKING!!!!! Do you realize that seasonal flu kills about 35,000 Americans EVERY YEAR?!?!? Honestly, I'd be a hell of a lot more worried about seasonal flu than swine flu. Did you get your flu shot? Did your kids get their flu shot? I read today that the seasonal flu has already killed 13,000 Americans this season. How many Americans has swine flu killed? Zero. The little boy that died in the US was from Mexico.

We have been preparing for a flu pandemic for years. We just thought it would be bird flu, not swine flu. Someone on FB is worried about delivering her child in a swine flu infested hospital. Please. Hospitals are so ready for this. My coworker's sister works for St. Vincent's and she's forwarded me a bunch of stuff that their infection control nurse sent to all of the staff there. And I think people with a contagious disease will be far far away from the nursery. Doctor's offices have been instructed to meet a person with flu like symptoms at the door wearing a mask, mask the patient and take them to an exam room. I would imagine hospitals will do the same.

The CDC said Wisconsin has one of the best pandemic flu plans. We are ready for this. Do not panic.

So what can you do? Number one, don't panic. Number two, be prepared for this outbreak to spread. Make sure you have a 2 week supply of food, water, prescription meds, cold and flu meds, and any special needs your family might have (diapers, baby food, formula, etc.). Most importantly and this won't sound like much, but it's HUGE: wash your hands, cover your cough, and stay home when you are sick. If your kid is sick, keep them home. If you go to church, don't shake hands with people who are coughing and sneezing. If you do, use hand sanitizer. Don't touch your eyes, nose or mouth. Do not stockpile masks. Do not stockpile antivirals. Save them for people in highly affected areas. I heard on the news tonight that several stores are out of masks.

I also just heard that WI has three probable swine flu cases. Let's put this in perspective. In one day, we got a call from one of our doctor's that 6 kids, 6, tested positive for influenza A in one day. And that's in one town of 4500 people.

Stepping off my soapbox now.

And So We Wait Some More

Got a call back from Carmen @ Women's Speciality Care who is an overall rock star and my new BFF. Dr. O'Toole reviewed my HSG films (Thank you Aurora for getting them there so quickly!) and wants me to have a repeat HSG. He says my left tube is definitely swollen and basically the radiologist, Dr. Gibson and Dr. Severino all had different opinions about the results. Great. In order to do the repeat HSG, Dr. O'Toole wants to be 100% sure I'm not pregnant, so we have to abstain for 2 weeks, then I have to have a pregnancy test the day before the HSG, and we'll do it on days 5-1o of my cycle. Kind of bummed about the 2 week abstaining because I've really enjoyed trying this cycle and have been looking forward to having sex just to have sex. What a concept. I'm going to still have my ultra sound next week because of my painful periods. I am just a mess. So if my tubes really are blocked, we are back to IVF.

I just found out a friend of a friend who has been trying for a while with no luck is pregnant. I'm really starting to feel like it will never happen for us.

Next week Monday I get my ingrown toenail removed and found out I have to wear the surgical shoe for up to 3 weeks. WTF?!?! I refuse to wear it to the Keith Urban show on the 16th. Mike is making fun of my vanity saying "so you'll have a better shot with him if you don't wear the shoe." I informed him that I'm saving myself for Kenny this summer. I'm rather pissy about my left heel because I've been wearing flip flops lately and it's been hurting like a mo'fo. If I really do have plantar faciitis that will suck the big one.

I was supposed to have car seat appointments today but my co worker offered to take my place. Thank god because the idiots that I work with decided rather than schedule people for other days, they would just start to schedule them before AND after our usual 2pm-5:45pm appointment times. It's bad enough doing car seats for over 4 hours straight, but those yahoos scheduled the first one at 11am and the last one at 6:15pm and she has 2 seats. I was super pissed about the 6:15pm one. I was gone almost all of last week, so I'd normally be busy just catching up. But add this swine flu BS in and I'm swamped. But I still make time to blog so my 5 readers aren't left hanging on the edge of their seats.

I Like My Small House But...

it does have it's drawbacks. For example, if Mike and I want some, um, adult time during the day we either have to ignore our burning loins or sneak to the basement for a quickie. We do this during Paige's "quiet time." Today our burning loins were not to be ignored. So we snuck to the basement and were in the throes of really enjoying ourselves when Mike jumps away from me like I have the plague and starts getting dressed. He must have supersonic ears because he heard Paige coming down the stairs. He caught Paige on the steps and explained that we were exercising and he got hot, which is why he had to take his shirt off. He stopped her before she got to the bottom step and saw me without my pants on. Luckily he got her back to her bedroom told her she had to stay in until the clock said 3 1 5 and we got back to business. I thought the kid would be a buzzkill but apparently not.

So last Tuesday was yet another round of "Losers Come Get Your Free Car Seats." Most of the parents were ok, but that fat chick who showed up at the car seat check in Oconto came again and got three more free seats. For whatever reason she doesn't drive so this time she came in her dad's car and we gave her three more free seats for his car. Why we couldn't have just given her a free convertible for the unborn baby and told her to move the boosters back and forth I don't know. My coworkers are hell bent on making sure every lazy schmuck gets a free car seat. Grandpa's car was a 1994 Mercury Sable. I'm not asking for much, but I'd just like a car from the 21st century. Our first vehicle was a 1996 Buick without LATCH and the grandpa attached the lower anchors from the car seat to "something" in the crack of the vehicle seat. Interesting. So we had a 1996 Buick, 1994 Mercury, 1998 Caravan, 1999 Silverado, and my 2 personal favorites a 1987 Toyota 4 runner and a 1994 Geo Tracker. The 1987 Toyota was a Hispanic family, dad spoke ok English, mom spoke almost none and their 7 year old daughter spoke the best English. They also had a 4 year old son. I spoke mostly to the 7 year old. She was super sweet and the family was very nice. So we were putting their boosters in the backseat and noticed they didn't have any shoulder belts. You absolutely cannot put a kid in a booster with lap belt only. Luckily my coworker asked if they had another car at home and they did. So they leave and pull up in a 1999 Cadillac Escalade with pimped out rims. Um, WTF? Why didn't you just show up in that? So they got their free boosters and we sent them on their way. The mom hugged us before they left. She was so sweet! Then our last one was the Tracker-a soft top with 2 kids in the back seat with no car seats. 7 year old girl and 3 year old boy. The boy was a huge brat who basically didn't talk, just screamed the whole time. Mom wasn't much better, she kept telling him that if he didn't stay in his seat that the cops would pull her over and take him away. Nothing like the threat of being taken away from your mom to calm down a hysterical 3 year old. Just a little awkward for us too.

I saw Dr. O'Toole to get my second opinion on Tuesday. I am very frustrated with how things are going right now. I have not been able to find a doctor that I stick with. I was seeing a doctor here in town, Dr. Hockman; she delivered Paige and also surgically removed the ovarian cyst I had about 4 years ago. She left and I saw the doctor who took her place (Dr. Bowers) a few times and liked her too, but I work with that office professionally and it just got to be weird seeing her on a personal basis. So then as you know I started seeing Dr. Gibson last fall and after the three rounds of Clomid and no pregnancy I went to Dr. Severino. I went to O'Toole to get a 2nd opinion on my HSG. Well I assumed Aurora was sending over the actual films from my HSG but they only sent over the notes. So Dr. O'Toole had nothing to look at, just Gibson and Severino's notes. UGH. So I had to call Gibson's office and have them send over a disc that has my HSG films to O'Toole. But because my ovarian cyst was endometriosis and I have painful periods (sorry if too much info) they are concerned that it's the endo causing my infertility. UGH! So I have low progesterone, possibly a damaged tube and endometriosis. No wonder I can't get pregnant. Dr. Bowers is sending all of my operative reports from my ovarian cyst removal also to O'Toole and he's going to review the films from my HSG. So I go back to Dr. O'Toole in 2 weeks to have an ultrasound done. I may need surgery to remove endo if I have any, and then he recommended clomid with IUI. My head is spinning. I just want a baby. I feel like I've seen every OB/GYN in GB in the last few years. I think I like Dr. O'Toole though. He's very confident, almost arrogant, but he knows his stuff. The clinic is like a 5 star hotel inside. Wow. I thought Aurora was nice. They have a fertility coordinator, Carmen, who is just a sweetheart. I like O'Toole because he's going to have as much of this stuff billed/coded as painful periods, not infertility because then it will more likely get paid by my insurance. I'm not too concerned about that because I've had every other infertility thing covered, but he mentioned several times that he wants to make sure I get the most out of my insurance coverage. A girl I work with has seen O'Toole for a while and said the same thing about him-very confident, but really knows his stuff. (copied and pasted from an email, much faster!)

We're watching reruns of the Cosby Show right now. They just don't make shows like this anymore.

My List of 8's

Here's the deal--mention the person that tagged you. Complete the lists of 8's. Tag 8 of your wonderful blogger friends.

M of Rumblings and Bumblings tagged me. She's a fellow May 2004 Ya Ya and she rocks my socks off.

8 Things I Am Looking Forward To
1. Keith Urban concert next month
2. Brewer game in July
3. Kenny Chesney concert in July
4. Our school auction tomorrow night
5. Nice weather
6. My 8th wedding anniversary (not until October, but still something to look forward to!)
7. Paige riding her bike without training wheels
8. Tom and Kristin living closer to us

8 Things I Did Yesterday
1. Drove all the way to Wautoma of all places for a meeting
2. Shopped at Target
3. Totally splurged on a spring/fall super cute jacket at Target
4. Ate a ton of beer bread
5. Went to my first Tastefully Simple Party
6. Blogged
7. Facebooked
8. Skipped my workout

8 Things I Wish I Could Do
1. Get a new job. My coworkers suck.
2. Get pregnant.
3. Lose weight.
4. Get grass to grow and stay green in my yard.
5. Train my dog to not be so retarded.
6. Win the lottery.
7. Be more patient with Paige.
8. Make out with Kenny Chesney.

8 Shows I Watch
1. Desperate Housewives
2. American Idol
3. The Hills
4. Keeping Up with the Kardashians
5. 30 Minute Meals
6. Snapped
7. Law and Order
8. Friends

8 People I Tag
Um, if you're reading this and have a blog, I tag you.

I Work With Freaks

I like my job and what I actually do, but I cannot stand my coworkers. Yesterday, I had to make some copies; I get to the copier and it's jammed. Someone had a paper misfeed and rather than attempt to fix it or even put up a note saying "coper jammed" or asking someone for help with it, they just left it for the next person. I was in a huge hurry and our other few copiers are super slow. So I unjammed it. The copier gives you very specific instructions on how to fix it. You just have to be, oh I don't know, responsible for yourself and actually attempt something without someone else holding your hand. So I sent out a bitchy email to everyone saying please don't leave the copier jammed, fix it yourself or ask for help. Kind of sad I have to send that out to a group of adults.

Today one of the economic support workers emails all of us asking if someone took her correction tape. She needs it back because "she makes a mess with the liquid stuff and can't use it." SERIOUSLY?!?!?!!? You are a grown woman!!! My 4 year old would make a mess with liquid white out. You should not.

More car seat appointments yesterday. Our first one pulls up in a 1985 Buick. Yeah. Next car was a 1991 Oldsmobile. They were late because his meeting with his parole officer ran later. I'm sure you hear that excuse a lot. Next one was a no show. After that we had a 1998 Pontiac with a baby named Karma. Yep, Karma. Next one was in a 1993 Saturn with her super fat friend who barely fit in that car. Only the first family had a baby where the mom and baby had the same last name. I am so irritated that I even have to ask for the baby's last name and that 80% of the time it's different than mom's. All of them got their free car seats.

So while we're waiting for the no show (or maybe the one running late from his parole meeting) my co worker, who is our IMMUNIZATION COORDINATOR tells me she's pissed off at our boss for denying her vacation the first 2 weeks of October. October is flu clinic month. It has been for the last 100 years. Our immunization coordinator who coordinates flu clinics wants to take off during flu clinic month. And she's pissed off because our boss denied it.

I hope the economy improves soon so I can look for another job. I can't keep working with these yahoos.

The Curls Are Definitely Gone

Paige got her hair cut yesterday into a super cute chin length bob. Alot of her friends have that kind of hair and she wanted it like that. It's absolutely adorable, but I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that her curls are gone. She had the most adorable curls, but about a year ago they started to grow out. Everyone commented on her curls and I loved them! Here's the dramatic change:


To this:


Now granted there's about 2 1/2 years in between those pictures, but it gives you an idea of her curls. Now they are gone and in it's place is a stylish bob.

My baby will be 5 next month! 5 seems so old. She is growing up so fast. She's gotten so social and plays so well with lots of kids.

I'm now the proud new owner of a Motorola Rokr. YEAH!!!! I've been wanting a new phone for a while because my old one was a huge piece of shit. So I had it narrowed down to this LG with a slide out keyboard and the Rokr. I was leaning toward the LG because of the slide out keyboard and it was cheaper. Plus Motorolas never seem to hold their charge. So when I went to the the store today to get the new one, right away the girl working said many people return the LG's and don't really like them. So I ended up getting the Rokr and I really like it. I have the internet on it which is super cool. Mike is playing with it now.

Kristin and Tom are the proud new owners of a house in Sobieski. Their house payment will be twice ours. It's a beautiful home but I like my house payment. I'm excited to have them close to us.

I ran some errands in Green Bay today and of course spent too much money. Tell me how lame this is: Target had the green Leapster on sale for $29 but the pink one was the regular price of $49. We (well, I) want to get one for her birthday present. If I wouldn't have got a rain check for a $29 pink one from TRU, I would have just gotten her the pink one. I just think that is so lame. Stupid stores.

A Lesson in Kindness

Yesterday started badly. The night before last I was feeling pretty miserable and was still bummed yesterday morning. I slept in because I could not get out of bed. On my way into work I rear-ended a car. We were both at a stop sign, turning right, I looked left, didn't see anyone coming and started to accelerate without making
sure the car in front of me was going too. Well they weren't. Luckily it was a big ass Grand Marquis that must be made of steel because I didn't do any damage. I got out of my car, apologizing profusely and the lady looks at the car says she doesn't see anything, says it's ok, and got back in her car. She was so nice and really seemed to take pity on me. I got back into my car and started bawling. I so wanted to turn my car around and just go home, but I didn't. I totally could have turned left and taken off because they just sort of sat there at the stop sign, then turned right, pulled over and waited. So I waited for them. Maybe she was so nice because I didn't take off. I have no idea who she was, but I honestly felt like she was an angel. Maybe God put us in that situation to help me get my head out of my ass.

I've been really crabby and short with Paige today and I don't know why. I took today off because her sitter is closed (getting her wisdom teeth out) and for some reason she has really been irritating. Maybe there's something wrong with me. She's got some new annoying tricks-stomping her foot when she's mad about something, asking questions I just answered, and NOT LETTING ANYTHING DROP!!!! I can say no to something and she will not let it go until I've totally lost my patience and am yelling. Good times.

I'm looking into a program where we pay up front for IVF and get 3 "fresh" cycles and 3 frozen embryo transfers. If we don't get pregnant, we get either 70% to 100% of our money back depending on the clinic we go to. Only problem is, no clinics in Wisconsin participate. I'd have to go to Minnesota or Illinois for the egg retrieval and transfer. I can do the ultrasounds and bloodwork or what they call "monitoring" can be done at a clinic here in Green Bay. I have to find out if there's only certain clinics I can go to or if I can stick with Aurora. I'm not a fan of having to drive to Minneapolis or Highland Park, IL but I'll do it. I think IL would be closer and faster.

Paige has made a new friend in the older girl across the street. She wants to go over there every night and will keep asking if I say no. Tonight we were playing outside at our house and she saw this older girl outside at her house with some other girls. She drops the kite, yells "JEN IS OUTSIDE!!!!" and takes off towards her house, looking before she crossed the street. Um, ok. I guess you're going over there then? I watched her go, all the girls were waving at her and one gave her a hug when she got there. that made me feel better. The other girls are 7-9 years old. My theory is that they love to just play and really don't mind having Paige with. They came over here once and oohed and aahed over her kitchen and started playing with it right away. Then they all went outside and blew bubbles and drew with sidewalk chalk. So she's been there for almost an hour and I have to admit it's quite nice. I just don't want her to wear out her welcome.

Forgot to Mention...

I found out today that I'm not pregnant. Yes my monthly visitor reared her ugly head. Good times.

I just drowned my sorrows in a half a bag of jelly beans. How healthy.

I am so tired tonight. I went to bed way too late last night and had such a hard tiem getting out of bed to exercise this morning. I bumbled my way through a strength training workout for about a half hour and then called it quits. I'm eating like crap lately, even worse than usual. I can tell I'm not losing weight and I should be.

Time for supper.

Pity Party for Me

Those in my playgroup probably saw this coming, so you can stop reading now if you want. Another mom in the group, an aquaintence who I've always liked and wanted to get to know better, just announced on FB that she is pregnant. She has struggled for a while to get preggo and we were kind of in this "getting knocked up" journey together. Now I'm alone. Yes, I'm happy for her, I really am. But on the other hand, when I read that, it was like getting kicked in the stomach and going "WHY NOT ME?!?!!?" What am I doing wrong? What are we doing wrong? Or what have we done to deserve this?

I went to resolve.org, a really nice website dealing with all things infertility. They have message boards and I signed up for them. I can't activate my account until I check my yahoo email at home.

A few weeks ago, our CPS workers took a newborn baby out of her home, I don't know exactly why other than she was born with drugs in her system. Her loser parents came in every day for visitation for a few hours in the conference room RIGHT NEXT DOOR. They were always at least 10 minutes late, the "dad" once tested positive for pot in his system, and each have 5 kids with other people. They run a meth house and are in their mid 20's. Their worker has the office right across from mine so I overheard way too much and saw the baby way too much. I finally held her yesterday and she curled up like a little bean on my shoulder and fell asleep. I wanted to cry. I want to cry now typing this. Yesterday they had a court hearing and the biological parents got her back. Why? This poor baby will never have a chance.

I'm so frustrated that I have to wait almost a month before seeing Dr. O'Toole to get a second opinion. I'm going to call tomorrow and see if I can get anything sooner. I'm also going to ask that they get my records from Severino and that Dr. O'Toole reviews them prior to my appointment as I've been through all the initial stuff. I want him to look at the x-rays from my HSG and give me a definitive answer and whether or not he thinks it's worth my time and effort to have a repeat HSG. I've heard this clinic is wonderful, but I have a bad taste in my mouth from the way the receptionist treated me.

"It Gets the Poop Off Better"

Yes, this statement actually came out of my mouth today. Paige was going number 2 and said "I'm going to use a baby wipe Mama!!!" I said "yeah, it gets the poop off better." As soon as I said it, I was like wow, the stuff that comes out of your mouth after you have kids....kind of crazy. Yes, I keep baby wipes out on my bathroom counter. They are just so darn practical. I've trained Paige to use the baby wipes when she poops otherwise we go through at least one roll of toilet paper a day. She has clogged the toilet with the insane amount of TP she uses.

So we had a nice weekend. Friday was a little rough. Paige was super tired and therefore super whiny and clingy and emotional. So I was more than happy to ship her off to school. Saturday we were lazy in the morning, then went to the Big Event for Little Kids at Shopko Hall. A loud crazy event, but Paige loved it! Then we met Kristin, her friend Megan and Dylan @ Margarita's. YUM. Mike went fishing (we drove separately) and Paige and I went to Kristin's for the rest of the night. I was a little worried about Paige getting jealous of Dylan, but she was so good. Kristin's friend Megan is really good with kids and gave lots of attention to Paige. Dylan is starting to smile and laugh more so he's even more fun to be around. He really seems to respond to Paige too and like her a lot. Mike finally rolled home around 3:30 am Sunday morning. The walleye fishing is really good on the Fox River and he's addicted. He's a good hubby though, he still got up on Sunday morning with Paige and let me sleep. Sunday we went to church, then Kristin and Tom came up because they were looking at houses in Little Suamico. Dylan of course was cuter than ever. Paige got him on a huge laughing fit and I recorded it on my camera. He played with Paige's old Gymini-what a blast from the past.

I think Kristin and Tom have their heads in the clouds. Kristin does not plan to go back to work full time, yet they are looking at houses that cost around $200,000. WTF. They found one they fell in love with that has vaulted ceilings, Corian counters, hickory cabinets, etc. It's not just a "basic house" like Tom said. I thought you mean, like ours? Like our 1040 square feet house with only one bathroom? It may not be much, but we can afford it and we can afford to do lots of fun things because we are not house poor.

Oh I forgot to mention the coolest part about the Big Event for Little Kids. As we walked up to the ticket counter to buy our tickets, this lady comes up to us and hands us four free tickets! SWEET!!! Saved us $22. Boy there were some "interesting" people there. Good people watching opportunities.

I Sound Like a Yooper

Holy crap, I just watched the video of me speaking to the Joint Finance Committee yesterday and I can't believe how strong my Wisconsin accent is. It's not even yooper-ish, I sound like I'm from northern Canada or something. Wowza. If you want a laugh at my expense, click http://wisconsineye.com/wisEye_programming/ARCHIVES-jointcommittees.html#1965

scroll down to 04.01.09 | Joint Committee on Finance Public Hearing from Appleton (Part 2) and click on "watch". I start at 32 minutes, 45 seconds. Yes, I took the time to figure that out. I think I also have a speech impediment, I said the word program and it comes out like "pwogram." WTF.

She-Devil testified, aka Carrie Schneider, the Outagamie County DA. She was the prosecutor in my dad's trial and her voice is worse than nail's on a chalkboard. If you've heard her before, you know. Try listening to it for 8-9 hours a day, 4 days in a row. It will drive you batty. As soon as she started talking, I flipped out and left. It was like a flashback to his trial. When I saw her on the news, she looks pregnant. I hope her kid rips her crotch to shreds with his/her devil horns on the way out.

The hearing was held at Lawrence University in downtown Appleton and downtowns really freak me out. I was overly prepared with a map of the downtown in which I drew the various parking ramps in. I memorized several routes of how I would get there. Well God had other plans for me because a bridge on College Avenue is closed from 441 and they direct you to take the Oneida St. exit. I had a panic attack realizing I may end up in Menasha or something. But I thankfully got there in one piece, the detour really wasn't that bad. I even got out of the parking ramp and back on Oneida GOING THE RIGHT WAY on my way home without having to turn around once. That's huge for me people. I sometimes have meetings in downtown GB in the same office building and I always use the same parking ramp. I still can't figure out how to get out of there and I've been going there for 8 years.

Well yah hey, I better get back to work, doncha think? Uff-da.

Long Day Ahead

Tomorrow is a public hearing for the Joint Finance Committee of our totally awesome state legislature in Appleton. Why would I care about that? Well, there are three tobacco related items in Governor Doyle's budget: an increased cigarette tax, smoke free air in all public buildings in WI, and a $1.8 million dollar cut to the tobacco prevention program statewide. Of course, I support the first 2, but not the 2nd. So all of us local pee-ons are pretty much being bullied into attending and making sure you bring others from your area to speak and if you can't then they should at least bring written testimony. So I begged and pleaded and got 5 written testimonies-pretty good I think. The best one is from the owner of a golf course up here. When he and his wife took it over 2 years ago, they ran it as a smoke free place and are the only smoke free bar in Oconto. Unfortunately, he emailed me his testimony after I left work. Luckily I can check my work email from home, so I had to print 20 copies of it (one for each of the 16 committee members and extras) on my home printer. We're out of black toner, so I had to use color. Ouch.

So I have to leave at 7am tomorrow to get to the hearing by 8-8:30am. It's at Lawrence University in downtown Appleton and I get freaked out in downtowns. I have to park in a ramp, and I always forget where I park and then to remember which way to go...yikes. I don't think I'm going to stay all day. I'll sign in, drop off my testimony and see how long my wait will be. The hearing doesn't start until 10am, but we're under strict orders from the powers that be to get there at least 90 minutes early. If it looks like I'll speak before lunch, I'll stay. If not, I'll go because I have a shitpile of stuff at work to do.

Another thing I have to do tomorrow is enter an enrollment for the women's health program I coordinate into our online system. I have to do that before I leave. This woman's income was just over the current guidelines, but they change tomorrow, April 1st. Well she called today and said she has her Pap and mammogram tomorrow, so she absolutely has to be enrolled on or before tomorrow. Well I can't enroll her today, so I had to bring her enrollment form home with me and I'll have to enter it in tomorrow.

And I want to go to a restaurant tomorrow night with my mom's group. It's a place I've never been to before and it sounds yummy. But I'm afraid I might be shot. We'll see.

For this, I'm paid $15,000-$20,000 less than the public health nurses that sit on their asses. Oh yeah, our salaries are public record and I saw what my coworkers make. I just about died. Our Human Services Director makes $93,000 to stumble in hungover almost every day and work from 10am-2pm. Swell.

Paige has an all day retreat at a church about 5 miles away from here tomorrow. The whole school is going and she is beside herself with excitement. She wanted me to pack a lunch and I panicked realizing tonight she doesn't have a lunch bag. So we head up to the Family Dollar in the pouring ran and luckily they had some lunch bags. We lucked out too, I don't think they normally carry them, but they were in this summer/picnic display. PHEW. That is all she talked about tonight-what she was going to have for lunch and her retreat tomorrow. So cute.

I got in to Women's Speciality Care on April 21st with Dr. O'Toole. I hope I don't have to wait a while for the HSG. I felt like such a retard calling to make the appointment. I launched into this monologue because I didn't know how much information the receptionist needed and she kept cutting me off. She was rather rude so I am already a little hesitant about this place. The receptionists are the first line of contact with patients and potential patients and can really set the tone. But I have several friends that go there, so I need to stay optomistic. I just didn't think I'd have to wait that long. I got the impression from the receptionist that I really wasn't a priority. She said rather snottily that I'd need a consult and that it would be at least a month. She just announced a time without checking to see if it would work with my schedule. Minor stuff, but it irritates me.

Entertaining Stories

I worked at a car seat check on Saturday in Oconto and I know you all have been hanging on the edge of your seats waiting for me to post my entertaining stories. Well, here goes.

At around 8:45 am, a coworker and I are attempting to put up this huge ass sign by the side of the road that says "free car seat check here" when this fat chick pulls up in a huge piece of shit car and says "is this where I get my free car seat because I'm on WIC?" Seriously? Does no one have any dignity any more? The check started at nine and you must know that a huge pet peeve of mine is when people come early for car seat appointments. The appointment is for 2pm, not 1:50pm. There's a difference. I know it's exciting because you're getting free shit, but hold your horses. So I was slightly rude to her and said "well the event starts at 9am, and it will be in the body shop over there." I walk away and continue to wrestle with this huge ass sign in 50 mph winds. When it was up, I go back to the body shop and see fattie fatterson and her husband sitting inside the garage waiting for us to start. It is still not 9am by this point and I'm already po'd. Unfortunately I get stuck with her and she proceeds to tell me that she has a 6 year old (who is not there), a 4 year old (a homely fat child) and #3 due in 2 weeks. The older 2 are in boosters that she paid $1 for at a rummage sale. "I couldn't pass them up" she says. Ok, so your kids are worth $1 a piece, got it. Right away, I'm praying that we can get three car seats in the back seat of this car. It was a Jetta that had to have been from the 80's. The backseat was full of shit and I made the dad clean up all the crap that was on the floor of the car. We literally would not have been able to stand on the floor of the backseat, it was that full of crap. Once I got in the backseat, I wanted to cry. It was awful. Crumbs, shoes, socks, etc. It doesn't sound bad, but it was just disgusting. I was honestly afraid to touch anything. Oh yeah and the mom was still wearing her pajamas. Honestly. So this deadbeat mom and dad got three free car seats from us, and luckily they all fit in the backseat.

My second vehicle was a grandma who really had no business driving. She couldn't pull into one of our slots because she "couldn't steer." Oh, ok. So she sort of just pulled in and we had to somehow arrange the other cars around her. She had her 11 month old granddaughter with her still in the infant seat, the straps were completely off her shoulders and it was in super loose. She needed a new free seat because her daughter was due with #2 in a few weeks and needed the infant seat for baby #2. Sure, let's just keep popping babies out. She was pretty nice, but was definitely not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

The last one wasn't so bad. A really nice mom with a fairly well behaved kid. The only thing was his name was Colton which I really hate. When I asked how to spell it, she said Koltyn. Why? Really, why are we doing this to our kids?

So my mom made me cry tonight. I was on my way to my friend Lisa's house for supper and she called. She asked how my appointment went on Friday and I said not good and told her why. So she launched into her "IVF is evil" monologue and really pissed me off. I said something about Kristin living with Tom before they were married and she said she didn't like that either. Whatever. I very clearly remember her saying she didn't like it, but Kristin "doesn't do well alone." UGH. So I told my mom that we are going to have another child somehow and if we go the IVF route, I'm not telling her. Sounds immature, but I'm so pissed about this.

On that note, I've decided to get a 2nd opinion. I'm going to call Women's Speciality Care and ask to have another HSG. I just don't understand how Dr. Gibson could have not seen any problems with my HSG and Dr. Severino said the dye spill was sluggish and that I have swollen tubes. Dr. Severino never mentioned anything about possibly repairing my tubes. On the Women's Speciality Care website, they mention surgery to repair the tubes if there is a good chance to restore fertility.

My friends rock! I had a ton of responses to when I posted on FB what happened on Friday. I knew I had good friends, but it's nice to know just how much people care. Thanks guys!!!

In a Daze

I had a follow up appointment with Dr. Severino today. He came right out and said that our best option is IVF. He reviewed my HSG and said the dye was sluggish going through my tubes. It didn't spill out freely like it should have. I don't know why Dr. Gibson see that, but whatever. They don't know why my tubes are swollen, but they are. I may have had some sort of infection that damaged them. I have a feeling it was caused by my ovarian cyst that was endometriosis. So IUI won't really help us that much because my eggs may not be coming down my tubes to be ready for Mike's swimmers.

IVF is really the best option because it completely bypasses the tubes. The main problem with it is that my insurance doesn't cover it. It costs around $15,000. The success rate is about 52%. I thought briefly about asking my grandma to lend the money to us, but then I remembered that the Catholic church is opposed to IVF and my whole family is super Catholic so that probably won't fly. My parents don't have the money to lend to us and probably wouldn't even if they had. I highly doubt anyone in Mike's family has it for us to borrow. It's also a huge time committment. I would have to go there quite frequently for ultrasounds and blood work, plus give myself injections. I'm ok with all of that and luckily my boss is very flexible. She had infertility issues too so she would know what I'm going through. Right now we have about $300 each left to pay Aurora for my HSG and the chiropracter from Mike's back this past summer. We also have about $2400 left on a CC that paid for our new furnace and car repairs last November. I'm thinking once those are paid off, we can start to save for a part of this. Maybe I can persuade Mike to sell the truck too. I'm even thinking of having a rummage sale this summer. I could make a lot of money from all of Paige's toys and clothes. Maybe we can get $5000-$7500 saved up and put the rest on a low interest CC. Luckily we have really good credit, so getting a low interest CC shouldn't be a problem. We could only do IVF once. If it doesn't work, I don't know what to do. Maybe we'll consider adoption. Again I'm just in a daze. I just can't resign myself to the idea that Paige will be an only child. She is made to be a big sister.

A Parenting Manual Would Sure Be Nice

So on our way home tonight Paige notices that the kid across the street who also goes to Sandi's for daycare is outside playing with her friends. She's 9 and has always been very sweet to Paige, treating Paige almost like a little sister. She's out there playing kickball with her friends and Paige wants to go over there and play. Paige is 4, almost 5. I can tell these kids are all between 8-10. I didn't know what to do because I'm trying to "toughen" Paige up a little bit and get her to play with other kids, but these kids could destroy her in kickball. UGH, what to do what to do. So I say no at first. She cries and keeps looking out the window. She announces that they aren't playing kickball anymore. So I change my mind and let her go. I told her she had to walk over there by herself and that I wasn't going with her. She agreed, so I watched her walk across the street and their yard. Now I'm sort of enjoying a quiet house, but totally weirded out by the fact that I can't see her. I'm assuming she is in the neighbor girl's house, but it's still weird. My baby is growing up.

Last night I was so proud of her! This probably won't sound like a big deal, but we were at a potluck supper with my mom's group. There were 3 other kids there around her age. Usually Paige stays either on my lap or attached to my hip. After she picked at her supper, she announced that she wanted to go upstairs and play with the kids. BREAKTHROUGH!!!! I couldn't believe it. We've been in this mom's group for 2 1/2 years and gone to many a playdate and potluck supper and it's always been the same-Paige not leaving my side. So for her to get up, go out of my eyesight and play with the kids the rest of the night was HUGE. School is definitely having a positive effect on her.

AGH I'm so stressed about daycare and my work schedule. My sitter is closed 4 days in April, the 9th, 10th and 13th because she's having her wisdom teeth out the 24th because she is going out of town. Well the 10th is no big deal because it's Good Friday and I'm off anyway. My dad is babysitting for Dylan EVERY DAY because Kristin has a long term sub job starting on the 13th through the end of the school year. I can probably flex my schedule around the 9th and or 13th, like take a personal day on the 9th, and work Friday the 17th and take Monday the 13th off, but I absolutely need someone on the 24th. I have a super important work meeting in Appleton, so I'm going to see if my dad can meet me in Appleton and I can drop Paige off with him there. All of this is making me really want to switch to the daycare center in town, but my emotions are getting to me. Her sitter is the only daycare she's had since she was 3 months old. They are very attached to each other and I know Sandi truly loves Paige. But all the other kids have some sort of back up for their kids like older siblings, grandparents, etc., but we don't. It's just getting too hard and stressful and I'm the one that always has to make the arrangements. The other thing that sucks about her daycare is that she's closed June 29th-July 3rd, so I either HAVE to take vacation that week or ask my parents to watch her. Or have her switched to the daycare center by then. Normally I wouldn't mind taking vacation then, but I want to take the next week off so I can send her to Safety Town in GB. I have to bring her there at 9am and pick her up at 12pm. It's at one of the schools, I can't remember which one. I'll just kill time in GB every day-I'm good at that. They teach all kinds of stuff that I haven't taught her yet because I don't know how. They'll make it much less scary. UGH so much to think about and plan. And I just have one, I'm not sure how I'll manage when I have 2.

Another dilemma. This chick from my mom's group who I pretty much cannot stand friend requested me on FB and I denied it. That was Sunday. She friend requested me again. I'm going to deny it again. Maybe that sounds mean but seriously this woman is unbelievably annoying.

OK off to cook chicken fajita pizza for supper. YUM!!!

I Have Issues

Well I sat here and debated whether or not I should blog about this, but hell I'm going to. It's my blog. I have a major insecurity issue about being left out of stuff. I didn't have a ton of friends in high school and often felt left out and I think that has really affected me. When I see that friends are planning nights out or weekends away without me, it drives me crazy. I sit here and fret about why I wasn't asked to go and become jealous that I'm not with them. Some of these said friends read this blog and this is not an invitation for a pity party. I'm sitting here stressing about this very issue right now and this blog is my place to vent. I think we all have this deep need to feel included and I guess mine is really strong. I think part of the problem is that I have nothing planned for the weekend. But I don't really want to plan anything either because I want to watch basketball all weekend. AGH.

I think I'm just feeling sorry for myself because Mike is going fishing after work so it's just me and Paige all day, except for the three hours this afternoon while she's at work. I asked my friend Carrie to get together today after our girls are done with school but she has to work. The weather got crappy this afternoon so we won't really be able to play outside.

Found out that my bloodwork was all normal, and the only issue with my culture was that I tested positive for group B strep so more antibiotics. Yippee, another yeast infection. Everytime I take antibiotics lately I get a yeast infection. So annoying. So our next appointment is next week Friday with Dr. Severino to discuss our next steps in more detail. We'll do insemination, but I'm just not sure how medicated I want it to be.

One day this week I was browsing the Post Crescent online and there were pictures of the 1974 Hortonville teacher's strike. My dad was a scab/replacement teacher and taught there until he resigned three years ago. It was an extremely bitter strike that got national media attention. There was even an article in Time Magazine about it. The cops had to escort the replacement teachers in and out of school every day because the striking teachers were so bitter. It divided the town. I talked to my mom a little bit about it last night and she said it was basically the worst time in their marriage. They were brand new to this tiny town (pop. 1500), newlyweds, and she said she never knew what kind of reaction she'd get when they told people what my dad did. Do a google search of the Hortonville teacher's strike, it's just unreal. One day the striking teachers sat in the driveway of the school, blocking the busses so they couldn't pull in and drop the kids off. They were arrested.

Off to get the kid from the bus stop.

I *Heart* March

I love basketball. I grew up in a gym with a dad who coached basketball. I very clearly remember sitting in the boys locker room on the weekends coloring with those stinky black markers while he watched film. Sounds strange, but I loved it. My sister was born in January and was at her first game when she was probably a week old. My mom went into labor with her while my dad was over an hour away coaching.

That being said, March is one of my favorite months of the year. March Madness! I really hesitate to make plans on the weekends in March because I don't want to miss any games. I already asked our old neighbors if they want to come over some Sunday in April so we can cook out if it's nice. The real reason I asked for April is because I want to watch basketball in March! We have a chili supper at our church after the Saturday mass and I don't want to stay too long. Is that bad? I know my mom is the same way. I really am turning into my mom. I know there are games going on right now that I'm missing and it's really annoying.

Ugh I'm on a conference call at work and it's dragging on. Blah blah blah.....

So You Can't Afford a Car Seat...

But you can afford to eat fast food ALOT?!?!? Yet another round of "Losers, Come Get Your Free Car Seats" today. Only three this time but they were all winners.

10am: Mom and kid have the same last name but only because dad is, according to mom, "MIA". The kid's name is Romin (not a typo), he's three, has a blonde mullet, (mom said she should have put his hair in a ponytail) doesn't talk and is homlier than homely. If you have to tell your 3 year old SON "I should have put your hair in a ponytail" there's something wrong. His hair was past his collarbone. Oh and he dug through my purse, pulled out my hand sanitzer and turned on my mp3 player. He got into the syrup container from their fast food breakfast (french toast sticks) and was all sticky then. She tells us she bought her car seats from Once Upon a Child because she couldn't afford them otherwise. OK, but you can afford fast food breakfast? STAY HOME AND EAT!!!! Breakfast is like the cheapest meal of the day. I make instant oats with brown sugar in it. A huge ass thing of those oats is CHEAP.

10:45 am: Mom couldn't remember how to spell her daughter's name (Arista, like the record company) and her birthday. She claimed it was "too early in the morning" for questions like this. Seriously, I can't make this stuff up people. That one really torked me because I'd been up for 5 hours at this point already, worked out, got ready, dropped the kid off at daycare and worked for almost 3 hours. 10:45am....too early. PUH-LEEZE. 1 1/2 year old kid in a booster. She weighed 30 pounds. So she got a free Graco Nautilus from us because her kid is fat and she is on WIC. $150 car seat. As I'm adjusting the seat for the kid, she walks up to me eating a french fry. Gee, I wonder why you weigh 30 pounds?

11:30am: 3 adults (2 guys and 1 girl) in a 1982 Camry. It's the middle of a weekday. Get a job!!!! I lean in to check on the baby and how he is riding and this wall of cigarette smoke hits me. It's like they all just smoked 10 packs with the windows rolled up. I wanted to cry. Baby is sleeping so peacefully. One of the guys keeps staring at me and giving me the creeps. I can't tell who this kid's parents are. We find out that one of the guys is her boyfriend, she calls him the dad, but he's not the biological dad. The kid is 7 months. So in a little over a year, you get pregnant by one guy, but start dating another one seriously enough that you call him the dad? UGH. Oh yeah and his name is Leland. Leland. What is wrong with people?!?!!? The seat goes in pretty well but I cannot get over the cigarette smoke smell. I hear mom tell my coworker how he has sleep apnea and was 3 weeks early, oh and that he has a cold. Gee, maybe the fact that he's surrounded by cigarette smoke has something to do with it?!?!?!?! They prop the bottle up for the kid and he's fussing because he can't get it right. So I hold the bottle up for him and listen to his sweet baby noises as he sucks away. I wanted to cry as they drove away. Poor kid doesn't have a chance.

What is wrong with our system? Or maybe it's what is wrong with our society? Why are girls spending money on fast food, cell phones, cigarettes, etc. and not on life saving equipment for their babies?

Snowy Sunday

OK so 2 days ago, I had my windows open and could hear the birds sweetly singing outside, now we're stuck inside while Snowstorm Kyle pounds us. At least there's good basketball on-Duke vs. UNC. I'm a huge Duke fan.

So I have 8 followers and people reading my blog that I didn't know read it. I've said some very judgemental, honest and possibly abrasive statements here. This is my place to vent and I hope these readers won't think less of me or think I'm a freak. Maybe you people already think I'm a freak!

Tomorrow is our appointment with Dr. Severino. I need to make a list of what questions to ask. I'm nervous about the appointment and I don't know why. I know my mom loves me a lot but she keeps asking about every step we've taken along the way including Mike's SA. It's starting to get annoying. My mom and sister are super Catholic and have both given me grief about IVF and how the unused embryos are destroyed. My sister went so far as to say if we have to have IVF, there'll be "tension" in our family. Tough shit. She has no clue what we are going through. Last time I checked living together before marriage wasn't exactly kosher with the Catholic church but she and Tom did it. My parents hardly batted an eye when she moved in with him, but if I bring a life and another grandchild for them into the world using IVF....whoo boy, that's a grave sin. Hopefully it won't even get to that point, but I'm not closing doors on anything. I want to carry another baby.

Am feeling kind of bad because we made plans to go to a friend's house this afternoon but we called a little while ago and cancelled. I really just felt like being lazy and staying home to watch this Duke game. I know most of you will think I'm a freak for cancelling plans to watch a bball game, but I heart bball. Also Paige actually napped this afternoon for about an hour (Mike and I made the most of it too, =)) until about 3pm and I just didn't feel like venturing out of the house at that time in this snow. They were going to have a fish fry but we know how they operate. They'll start cooking around 6pm and we won't eat until 8pm. It's a school night, Paige needs a bath and I want to watch DH at 8pm. We really shouldn't have even made the plans in the first place. Usually I like getting out of the house on the weekends, but today I just wanted to be home.

Yesterday, I took Paige to Hotel for Dogs, then to Fazoli's for lunch and then out to Kristin and Tom's. Tom and Mike went fishing so I knew Kristin might be bored. It's just so hard to have Paige and Dylan together. Paige wants to hold him all the time and play with him, but she's RIGHT up in face and he's just too squirmy for her to hold. Then she gets jealous because we're giving Dylan too much attention. That part probably is true, but I just love seeing him! He's such a sweetie and getting more and more fun now that he's smiling and cooing.

Paige just flew up here to tell me she hit a home run out of the park in Wii baseball..."for real." She's so dang cute. She was so good in church today. Did kid's gospel for most of it and then kept herself occupied with a word find. I had to help her quite a bit, but she did really well with it.

I really should sew, clean out the back bedroom, list some clothes on ebay, etc. but I really just feel like sitting here. I always think I'm going to get to that stuff on Friday afternoons but I never do.

I'm a Medical Mess

I'm feeling quite overwhelmed right now. I saw my fourth, yes fourth, podiatrist today and this one's a keeper. He's awesome. He asked where my heel hurt and I showed him, he started pushing on different spots on my foot and made the diagnosis that I do not have plantar faciitis! I have a pinched nerve in my foot and basically everything to treat PF aggravates the pinched nerve. Then he took x-rays and confirmed the pinched nerve. In between all this, I tell him about my right big toe, how I think it's infected from the ingrown toenail removal back in December. He looks at it and says it was ingrown again. UGH. So he removes the ingrown part, but says I need to have the root removed or it will grow back again. I thought the first podiatrist did that, but I guess not. It was kind of painful to have him remove the ingrown toenail because my foot wasn't really numb, but it was no where near as painful as when he injected my left foot with some medication to help loosen up the nerve. Holy mother of Mary did that hurt. I was literally doing Lamaze breathing.

So I make the appointment to have the root of my toenail removed and I can't get in until May 4th! This guy must be good. I really liked him alot, super nice and friendly, but very intelligent and professional. I'm feeling overwhelmed because the directions they gave me for the root removal are very strict. The "surgery" will be at 7:30 am, but they won't let me leave until 11am. Toes bleed a lot so they want to make sure I'm ok. I absolutely cannot drive so I have to have someone with me. I can only walk to the bathroom that day, and they strongly advise someone to be home with me the rest of the day. I can't get the bandage wet, meaning no showers or baths, I don't know for how long. I have to go in for 3 post op visits and the worst part is I have to wear a surgical shoe for 3-6 weeks. ARGH! We're getting into flip flop season....not good. I asked the receptionist if this was all for an ingrown toenail root removal and she said it was. They are general surgery instructions, so maybe they will be loosed up a little, but not much. I'm dreading the surgical shoe.

Also this medication he shot me up with doesn't seem to be working and the only other alternative is an in office surgical procedure where he makes an incision and surgically loosens the nerve. i should just have him do that the same day as the ingrown toenail. The post op instructions are probably the same!

Then on my way home I get a call from Aurora, my pap from last week was unsatisfactory for evaluation so I have to have a repeat in 3 months. Great, another time for Dr. Gibson to see my crotch. I swear everytime I've seen this man I've been in stirrups. But yet another dr. apt., and more time away from work.

AND on top of all this foolishness, Dr. Gibson called me last week to discuss my inferility stuff. One of the cultures he took from my crotch show that I have some cervical infection called ureaplasma which can lead to infertility. It's not an STD, basically just an infection. But it can cause infertility because the infection produces antibodies that don't allow sperm through cervical fluid. So he prescribed antiobiotics for Mike and I both. He reviewed the xrays from my HSG and the radiologist says one of my tubes is slightly distended (bent) probably from my cyst that was endo. Finally, Mike's semen analysis was pretty good. His sperm count is excellent (his chest puffed out when I told him that), but he has a few more abnormal sperm than he should. But because he has so many sperm, that's really not an issue. I have low progesterone too. So these are a lot of little things that are adding up and he recommended he see Dr. Severino.

So between my foot and my infertility shit, I'm feeling like quite the mess.

So here's what's on tap for me in the next three months:
March 9th: Mike and I meet with Dr. Severino. Who knows what will come of that? Ultrasounds, blood work, meds...who knows?
May 4th: ingrown toenail root removal (with those post op instructions, I'm wondering if he's just going to lop off my toe)
June 1st: repeat Pap

Maybe I'm being a wimp, but that's a lot to take in.