Irresponsible Moms

Let me start by saying I'm really going to bitch and be judgemental here, so you may be offended. But this has been driving me nuts since last night and I have to vent.

I work with 2 other child passenger safety techs and we take appointments 2 or 3 Tuesdays a month and rotate between Gillett and Oconto. Our Oconto site always fills up the fastest and last night was no exception. We have appointments every 45 minutes starting at 2pm and the last one is at 5:45pm. We were completely booked up yesterday and EVERY SINGLE APPOINTMENT was a WIC family whose baby had outgrown the infant seat and needed a convertible seat. Right now we have a DOT grant that allows us to give away the seats for free, yes free, to families that are within the WIC income guidelines. So let me break down my afternoon/evening for you:

2pm: got there a little late and see a total piece of shit car in the garage, turns out to be a 1993 S-10 Blazer full of CRAP. Unmarried parents with some loser friend who is knocked up. As I walk in the loser friend is showing my coworker a picture of her baby daddy on her totally pimped out cell phone who is Indian. Swell. The friend was really getting on my nerves, but the mom and dad were pretty nice and actually paid attention to what we had to say. All I could think though was how nice to not have any responsibilities and just do whatever you want all day.

2:45pm: Nice mom, actually married and has the same last name as her kid. What a novelty. The only strike against her was that she's married to a Gard and has a John Gard sticker in her window. But other than that she was a super nice mom and the kid was very well behaved. Nice change for once.

3:30pm: Ohh this was a doozy. Really young mom who just moved here from Arkansas with her 6 month old baby boy. She left her car running when she first got there. Um, what? This isn't a drive thru. We had to tell her to turn off her car. For whatever reason her 5 and 3 year old boys were still in Arkansas with their dad. This chick had her baby in the infant seat with the base and had the seat belt threaded through the carrier part. WTF? And it looked like she just threaded it through and buckled it and didn't even attempt to tighten it. That baby wouldn't have had a chance if she got in a crash. And of course the straps are super loose and the chest clip is way too low. She must have had at least 20 pairs of shoes on the floor of her backseat. Seriously people, you're coming in for a car seat appointment, what do you think we are going to do? Just look in the window, give you a free seat and send you on your way? CLEAN OUT YOUR CAR!!!!! We're climbing in to make sure your kid is safe, the least you can do is take 10 minutes to clean out the piles of crap in it. Then she talks about how some of her shoes cost $200-$300. You're on WIC, how can you afford $300 shoes? My favorite part was when she propped up the bottle of juice for her 6 month old to drink so she chould text her friend. Awesome.

4:15pm: Clean car, attentive mom, so it was pretty easy. But she really butchered the spelling of her kids' name so I felt really bad for her.

5pm: Mom with a bratty 4 year old boy who still takes a nuk (and you could totally tell with how bad his speech was) and a 6 or 7 month old baby boy in a super old truck that had to have been from the 1980's with no backseat. 4 year old's booster is covered in some sort of animal hair. Pretty nice mom but the 4 year old was wearing on my nerves.

5:45pm: This one took the cake. 2 different vehicles, 2 car seats in each. UGH. I didn't get out of there until 6:45pm. The grandma of these 2 kids was in by us a couple of weeks ago, and mentioned that the parents were divorcing. Pretty obvious because they couldn't hardly look at each other without biting the other one's head off. Mom is wearing looney tunes pajama pants and has a hickey on her neck. I spent the whole time wondering where the hickey came from. The only reason I made the connection between grandma and these kids was that the baby's name is Hemi, you know like the Dodge truck engine. Hemi. Dad pulls in in a 2005 Dodge truck and I start to wonder how a WIC family can afford this. We have a 2002 Taurus, 1998 Saturn and 1997 truck. But his truck was clean and the seats went in fairly easily. He leaves and mom pulls in with her vehicle, which is a loaner because her Jeep Grand Cherokee limited is in the shop. The vehicle she had was a Jeep Compass and it was a huge pita to put car seats in. Don't buy one people if you have kids. So I spent the time we're putting the car seats in the Compass wondering why I'm busting my ass on this car when she's going to go pick up her other one tomorrow. She basically ignores her older kid and props up a bottle for 6 week old Hemi.

I know I bitch and moan about this all the time, but seriously why can these irresponsible people keep popping out kids and I can't? Every single seat was in SO WRONG, either way too loose, or the straps were super loose, twisted or threaded really weird. Do people not realize what will happen to your kids if you got in a crash? Kids die in car crashes, one died here a couple of years ago. Every kid smelled like they came straight from McDonald's and I was getting really sick of seeing the cigarette boxes, super nice cell phones and 500 fast food bags in cars. So you can't afford a car seat for your kid, but you can afford all that other crap? UGGGGGHHHHH.....

So I was in a super bad mood when I got home at 7:15pm last night and the fact that I caught Paige's cold did not help. I slept like absolute shit last night, now my throat hurts, I'm achey and tired, and I'm extremely stuffed up again. This is getting old.

I Just Don't Know Anymore

I'm at a loss of what to do with Paige. She has been driving me absolutely insane the last few weeks. She is such a whinebag and cries all the time. I cannot handle it. I'm not sure what time she woke up this morning, somewhere between 5-5:30am, watched cartoons or did whatever until about 8am (nice, huh), got me up and is now in her room for talking back and being whiney. It's 8:30am. The other day after I picked her from Sandi's, she only lasted 10 minutes before being sent to her room. I. Cannot. Take. It. Anymore. I honestly don't even want to be around her right now. Oh and surprise surprise, she has yet another cold. It's just one constant cold all the time since she doesn't eat worth a damn and doesn't get enough sleep. Last night she was in bed at 7pm. We probably could have put her down at 6pm. She looks like a bag of crap this morning, tired eyes and big bags and dark circles under her eyes.

She takes vitamins, but I guess that's not enough to make up for the worst diet ever. I was venting to my mom last night and she said maybe we should just make whatever Paige wants for supper and just give up the battle. It's been a huge power struggle for over 3 years and I can't fight it anymore. We've done it all...sticker charts, taking away her blankie, bedtime books, snack, etc., packing up her food and not letting her eat anything until she eats that food, threats, bribes, everything. I give up. It's not working. She is a terrible eater at school and at Sandi's too, so it's not just us.

Please don't take this wrong, I love this child so much it kills me. But honestly, she is wearing on my last nerve right now. No advice needed, I just needed to vent.

Doctor Appointment

I had my annual exam today and really needed to go in to make sure I got my happy pill refill. Mama needs her happy pills. Our next step is to have Mike tested and Dr. Gibson sent an order to the lab for that. Hopefully he can get in soon. I have to call him today and have him call the lab. Dr. Gibson originally suggested taking a break from Clomid, then going back on it for 3 more months and if that didn't work, he'd have me see Dr. Sevarino, the infertility dr. I said I'd prefer to see Sevarino now rather than wait. Gibson was totally fine with it. I told him I'd go back to him after I got pregnant! He also had really good things to say about Sevarino, so that's good. Gibson is also going to review my x-rays with the radiologist from the HSG to make my tubes are completely open. He's going to take all this info and write up a little report on me and give it to Sevarino. He's super cool. I feel like we're moving in the right direction.

Dylan had his hernia surgery this morning and it went fine. His dr. found a hernia in his left testicle during his 2 month visit a couple of weeks ago. They checked the right one today and found one there so they removed that too. Since it was at Aurora this morning, I was able to stop in and see K and Tom while they were waiting for him to come out of recovery. He was so good! Since he was completely knocked out, he couldn't eat anything after midnight and his surgery was at 7:30am. K was a nervous wreck about that, but being the Superbaby he is, he slept through the night and didn't cry ONCE. Not while getting strapped into the car seat, not on the ride to the hospital (he slept!), or not while he was getting prepped for surgery. I have NEVER met a more easy baby. They lucked out! Especially since K was born with devil horns and cried constantly.

I worked out at our high school gym this morning from 5:50-6:45 am. CRAZY!!!! It went pretty well. I did a half hour on the treadmill, upper body weights, then about 10 minutes on the elliptical. Too much walking on the treadmill, my left heel is hurting. I'm going to stick to the elliptical tomorrow. I'm so tired right now! I had a conference call from 1-3pm and I put my head down on my desk and I honestly think I fell asleep for a few minutes. There's parts of the call I don't remember.

I had 12 missed calls on my phone when I got in today so I better get to checking those. Good times.

Third Times NOT The Charm

Blood test was negative. Three months of Clomid and monthly progesterone tests and ovulation predictors and having sex NOW for nothing. I have to go off the Clomid now because Dr. Gibson will only keep a woman on it for 3 months. Take a break for a couple of months, then 3 more months of Clomid.

I kind of knew it would be negative because I went to the bathroom after the blood draw and I was spotting bright red. The blood test result just confirmed what I already knew. I was at this big work event I planned, so I had to go to the bathroom to cry, then put on my happy face for the next few hours.

I'm due for my yearly exam and need my Lexapro refilled so I'm going in next week for my exam and Lexapro refill. I guess we'll take more about what to do, but Mike WILL get tested. And soon. I'm sick of this bullshit.

To top it off I have a miserable cold. I'm extremely stuffed up and sneezing constantly. Not fun.

Blood Test

I called the nurse today at my clinic and told her I want to come in tomorrow for a blood pregnancy test. I have to know. I can't wait so long like I did with the last cycle only to have my period be over a week late. So the lab opens up at 7:30 am and I'm going to try to get there as soon as I can in the morning. The nurse told me to call after about 2 hours after I have it done so she can tell me the results. She's really nice. She said that first morning urine is the best (as opposed to 1am pee) and maybe I just didn't have enough of the pregnancy hormone in there to make the test turn positive. And TMI alert, I've had some brown discharge which could be a sign of early pregnancy-it's your body's way of getting way of old blood.

I had me a little shopping spree yesterday. To the tune of around $450. I got a new comforter set, new sheets, 2 wall hangings for our bedroom (all from Home Goods, thanks for the tip Krista!!!) and at Kohl's I got a new T-Fal cookware set, an extra frying pan, new silverware and jeans and a spring top for Paige. In addition to the $100-some bucks I spent at Kohl's a few weeks ago on shirts. I think some of them are going back. I'm going to have to bring this stuff in the house in stages. It's all in the trunk of my car, and I brought in the comforter yesterday. We still need new window treatments and paint for the bedroom. I love the comforter and it was only $70 for the comforter, bedskirt, 2 pillows and 2 pillow shams. It's a light blue with a solid brown square in the middle. I'll post pix. I think we'll paint the walls a light brown and not sure what to do about the window treatments. Maybe wooden blinds?

Blah

According to a digital HPT, I am NOT PREGNANT. I am so upset. I'm calling the doctor today to get in for a blood test tomorrow. I woke up at 1am this morning thinking it was much later, like 4 or 5am. This is the problem with having the eyesight of a 90 year old when I don't have my glasses on. So I figure this is was a good time to take the test and it came up negative. I go back to bed, look at the clock and realize it's 1am. DUH. So between the negative test and a miserable cold I have, I slept like poo last night. Then I don't know if Max was trying to "comfort" me or just irritate the crap out of me but it seemed like everytime I would finally settle in to sleep, I felt 4 paws suddenly jump on my body. UGH.

I woke up at 6:15 am to exercise, but feel like crap so I'm not going to. Hopefully I can make it through the day. I'm so tempted to call in. Maybe I'll leave around noon.

Off to shower and get ready for work. Hey maybe I'll actually get there on time at 8am...what a concept.

45

So I get a call from the nurse on Wednesday that my progesterone level was 45 this cycle. Um, what? I thought Dr. Gibson wanted it between 15-20, why is it 45? So I asked her if she was using a different scale or measurement because my last one was 17. She just said "no that's right." So I said "but my last one was 17" and she goes "I know." Something clicked and I asked if this meant I'm pregnant. She of course said no because the progesterone test is not a pregnancy test. So I call my friend Erica who is a women's health nurse practitioner and she says that it's a very good sign and also that progesterone is the hormone that prepares your lining for the embryo to implant. I'm going crazy here! And this chart does not help:

Progesterone during menstrual cycle
Day 1-14 >1 to 1.5 ng/ml
Day 15-28 2-28 ng/ml

Progesterone during pregnancy
First Trimester 9-47 ng/ml
Second Trimester 17-147 ng/ml
Third Trimester 55-200 ng/ml

Mine was taken on day 21 of my cycle. Another friend reminded me of the possiblitity of multiples, especially since I am on my third round of Clomid. High progesterone could indicate multiples.I know it sounds crazy but that thought has crossed my mind too. But I'd rather have 2 babies than no baby.

I'm going to hold out until Monday before I pee on a stick. I'm on pins and needles!

In other news, my coworkers suck. Well they always suck, but right now it's even more than usual. I'm planning a smoke free air town hall meeting along with another county that's taking place next week Friday. We're having speakers on secondhand smoke, legislators will be there, we're inviting the media and smoke free air supporters. It's a big deal. I sent an email out to my co workers basically begging and pleading them to come. My boss already said she can't. Great, thanks for your support. Another coworker had a student nurse with her yesterday and was introducing her to everyone. She comes in my room and goes "oh what about that tobacco thing you have coming up? when is that? I deleted the email you sent me." BITCH. I seriously cannot believe how heartless people can be. Another coworker is asking for my help on some press release stuff and I said it will have to wait until after this event. She kept bugging me until my boss finally told her to back off. Thank god I have my friend Lisa here. She's the only other non-nurse in our program and she plans large events like this, so she totally gets it. She's even calling the people I sent invitations to to get an RSVP from them. She told the one nurse who was bugging me about the press release what a big deal this is and the retard co worker finally got it, and even said she'd apologize to me. Has she yet? Of course not. Grrrr.....

I Think My Cat Is Gay

Not that there's anything wrong with that! He has the most effiminate sounding "meow" and he meows ALL THE DAMN TIME. Everytime he moves, he meows. Everytime the dog walks by him, he meows. Everytime we look at him, he meows. Because he's HUGE and tiger striped and a boy, I expected him to have this manly, almost growly sounding meow, but no, it's almost like a whine. He grooms the dog. He has major food issues. He's a girl! Maybe because his balls were chopped off. Who knows. But we still love him dearly. Him and the dog have started "wrestling" and it's absolutely hilarious.

Waiting to hear the results of the progesterone test I had done yesterday. And of course there was another pregnant woman in the waiting room. Seriously, could I go once for a blood draw and not have a pregnant woman sitting there?

I'm starting to feel like the world's worst parent. I'm sort of in a phase where I really don't like Paige right now. After talking with some mom friends at an MNO a few weeks ago, I really changed my perspective and was enjoying the time we spent together. Now I'm ready to sell her to the gypsies. Her sassy talk IS SO ANNOYING. She's in a cycle now where she pretty much doesn't eat supper, so she gets a bath and goes straight to bed. Then she wakes up at 5am STARVING, is up for the rest of the day and is an absolute mess all day. Sunday was a nightmare. She honestly couldn't talk without whining or crying. I was at the end of my rope and so desperate to escape, I went up to the Family Dollar to browse. You have to make do in a small town. Now all she wants to do is webkinz, so when we get home, we park it in the recliner with the laptop, I watch TV and she does webkinz. Nice quality bonding time, huh? I don't want to play the Wii or any games or toys with her because she's a big whiny mess. She refuses to talk about school for some reason and gives me huge attitude when I ask what she did at school. So we basically don't talk. She does webkinz, I watch TV. Good times at our house.

Not Fair

So I'm at a meeting today and one of the presenters walks in with her baby and a few people down from me is a pregnant chick. Looking at this sentence, I realize most people would be like, so? But for someone who wants a baby so badly, it hit me in the gut. Then the pregnant chick says her boy name is.....wait for it.....Dawson. WTF?!?! What happened to normal names like Ryan, Joe, Daniel, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John. Ok slipping into disciple mode, but still they are good names. Oh and a guy I work with who has an 8 month old baby just found out his wife is pregnant with #2. Great.

So seriously, the bad names are everywhere. Another friend is having a boy and is going to name him Carver. Again, WTF?!?!?! Why are we making up names? I know there are some other ones out there, they are just not coming to me.

So the sickies are going around. Paige had a bad cold all weekend, Sunday night into Monday I started having bad chills, then woke up extremely achy and weak. So I stayed home all day Monday from work. I kept Paige home with me Monday morning, but sent her to school that afternoon. She seemed to be doing better, but then her teacher told me she was really tired all afternoon. UGH, I can't win. She didn't seem sick enough to stay home from school. A bunch of kids at the sitter's are dropping like flies too, and when I picked Paige up this afternoon her boyfriend (they've lived together for like 10 years and have a kid, I have no idea why they aren't married) told me Sandi started puking around 3pm. She's closed tomorrow. I'm so busy at work and I really needed to go in tomorrow. I'm definitely working Friday to make up for being out on Monday. I'm thinking about going in to work while Paige is at school in the afternoon, and then going back in at night when Mike is home. UGH.

Man I am so boring. I seriously cannot believe I just blogged this stuff-boring.

25 Things About Me

So there's this thing going around my FB friends where you are supposed to write a list of 25 random things about yourself. Well, I'm FB impaired and can't figure out how to post it there, so here ya go.
1. I like to think I'm self sufficient and independent, but I need Mike. I love that man so much and would be lost without him.
2. I love Paige so much it hurts. Now I know how much my mom loves me.
3. I want to get pregnant so bad it hurts.
4. I think of my life as before October 18, 2007 and after that date. It's the date my dad was found not guilty.
5. I don't think I'll ever forget hearing "not guilty" and literally falling to my knees.
6. I'm a very aggressive driver, except when Paige is in the car.
7. I have never had a speeding ticket.
8. I'm extremely judgemental and opinionated.
9. I love to read.
10. It drives me crazy when parents turn their babies forward facing on their 1st birthday. Keep them rear facing until 2 years old!!!!
11. I hate hot weather.
12. I don't mind snow and winter.
13. I'm insanely proud and jealous of my sister at the same time. Parenting comes so naturally to her.
14. I had horrible PPD after I had Paige, and cried all time time until my zoloft kicked in. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I still can't look at her newborn pictures without getting a sick feeling in my stomach remembering how miserable I was.
15. I over-shop and over-eat to deal with stress. I gained a lot of weight and put us in credit card debt before my dad's trial.
16. I can sew pajama's and dresses for Paige. I wish I had the patience to learn more.
17. I yell too much at Paige.
18. SAHMs really bug the shit out of me with some of their comments "oh I could never put my kid in daycare, i'm so glad my husband has to go out in this weather and not me, i'm so lucky my husband works so hard to support me SAH." Shut the fuck up. Seriously.
19. I work with complete retards.
20. We took in a stray cat last month and he's awesome.
21. I would not be a good SAHM.
22. I LOVE my laptop.
23. I live in a small house (1040 sq. feet) and like it. It's less to clean.
24. My friends rock.
25. My family rocks and I love them.

Single Moms

Not to be confused with my current favorite song Single Ladies, I'm talkin single moms. Mike is out of town for the weekend, he left last night leaving me and the kid to not drive each other nuts. School was called off today which kind of stressed me out. Last night they were going to have a 2 hour delay which wouldn't have affected Paige's school at all, but this AM, it was closed. Seriously, they could have stuck with the 2 hour delay. Whatever. We had our moments today, but thank God for webkinz and the Wii. Actually, most of our moments came during Wii play. She gets frustrated so easily just like me, so it was so hard to stay calm with her while she was getting so mad. So really thank God for webkinz.

Tomorrow Ding Dong Dog starts doggy school-Saturday morning dog obidience classes for 8 weeks. She is a sweetie, but really needs some training. I'm dropping Paige off at a friend's house who has a daughter a year older than her, and they play together beautifully. I saw on the news tonight that we are supposed to get 4-7 inches of snow tomorrow so I'm sure we'll venture out to play in the white stuff tomorrow. Paige LOVES it.

Sunday we are going to Badger Bouncers and Luigi's with some other friends of ours. Aren't we just the social butterflies?

So after talking to the nurse on Wednesday, I started spotting so I knew my period was on it's way. Sure enough, it hit this morning packing a punch. I think super miserable periods are a side effect of Clomid. TMI alert-I'm going through tampons like crazy and ibuprofen like it's candy. Basically the ibuprofen is taking the edge off my cramps, but not getting rid of them completely. Good times. So since my progesterone was in the range the doctor likes, he's keeping me at 100 mg of Clomid. When Mike gets back on Sunday, I'm going to have him call the Aurora lab to get tested. The thought of it kind of skeeves me out, but whatever. I've had enough blood draws and crotch exams, I think he can do this.

Had a bowling excursion with my mom's group this week for a mom's night out. WHAT A BLAST!!!!! I think I bowled a 40 the first game, but rebounded and scored an 80 the next one. WHO HOO!

Off to hit the hay.

My Confusing Body

So my blood pregnancy test was negative. I was so upset yesterday. It was rough. Today is day 32 of my cycle and I still haven't gotten my period.

I just got done talking to the nurse at Dr. Gibson’s office and the plan now is to have me take progesterone pills daily until I get my period. It’s a 10 day prescription so if I still don’t have my period after the 10 days, I go in for another pregnancy test. This same thing actually happened to his nurse, she took the 10 days of pills, no period, went in for another pregnancy test and she was pregnant! Her son is totally fine and she said if I am pregnant the progesterone pills won’t hurt the baby. If I do get my period, I’ll do an increased dose of Clomid, probably 150 mg. The nurse will write the order to have Mike tested at their lab. He’s totally on board with it. The only thing that stinks is that their lab is only open M-F 8-4:30p. That so does not work with his work schedule. Hopefully we can make special arrangements or he can go into work late one day. His work is so inflexible, but we’ll just have to make it work.

A coworker announced the other day that she is pregnant and due in June. I've already had to slam my door shut so I don't have to hear everyone congratulate her. Just an FYI and this will sound harsh, but get over it. If you announce you're pregnant and I'm not, I will not be happy for you. Deal with it. With that said, here's a few more do's and dont's:

DO NOT tell me to just relax and it will happen. Gee, really?
DO NOT tell me you are pregnant. See above.
DO NOT tell me to consider adoption. I've carried my own baby and I want to do it again.
DO NOT tell me I have one beautiful child and should be happy that I have her. Yeah I know, but I want to make her a big sister.
DO NOT tell me how you can just look at your husband and get pregnant.
DO NOT find out the gender of your baby and tell me you are disapointed with the gender.
DO tell me that you are thinking of me and praying for me.
DO just be there to listen and let me vent.
DO stop reading this blog if you are sick of hearing me vent about not being able to get pregnant. It will likely be a main topic of discussion for a while.

Public Service Announcement over. Thank you.

10 Things About My Day

Short and sweet, folks.

1. I got to work on time today! Whoo hoooo!!!! I figured since I have to get to the sitter's by 4:30, I better get to work by 8am so I can get my full day in.

2. I ordered a Wii! Whooo hoooo again! They have been damn near impossible to get a hold of and I was so jazzed to finally find one. It should be here between Friday and next Wednesday.

3. I still haven't gotten my period and did not take a pregnancy test today. I'm going to Aurora tomorrow for a blood test. I'm on day 30 of my cycle and they are usually 25-27 days.

4. A coworker announced she's pregnant at a staff meeting and I couldn't bring myself to congratulate her.

5. Paige picked pizza for supper (her reward for getting 5 stickers on her eating sticker chart) and I didn't feel like a frozen pizza so I asked Mike to pick up a Papa Murphy's on his way home. I ate three pieces and way too many of the cheese fries.

6. I just got done doing 30 minutes of Turbo Jam. Fun fun!

7. I just threw laundry in the dryer and I bet I won't fold it for days, and then won't put it away for a few more days after that.

8. My boss told us today that our agency has to cut $400,000 from our 2010 budget. I'm wondering how they are going to do that without cutting positions.

9. I wrote a kick ass email to the managing editor of our gay little newspaper who called the tobacco compliance checks I coordinate a "sting" operation.

10. We decided to keep Paige at her current sitter's until this summer when we'll put her in the daycare center. Since she's in school now it doesn't make much sense to put her in a preschool like setting in the morning and then school in the afternoon.

The Tree Is Down

Our tree has been up since Thanksgiving weekend and the time has come to take it down. Neither one of us has watered it for probably two weeks, so you can imagine the mess it made. Since there were pine needles EVERYWHERE, we decided to move all of the furniture and vacuum the living room really well. We attempted to rearrange the living room for the 50th time since we've lived in this house and decided after almost an hour that it just won't work. We have a small room and this huge ass recliner that I just about live in. If we didn't have it, we could rearrange, but I'm not willing to part with this chair. It rocks my world. So my living room doesn't feel so gross. There are no piles of dog hair in the corners. It's a nice way to live. It will probably only last a day.

The kitchen and bathroom on the other hand....GRRROOOOOSSS. I'm taking a break, then am going to vacuum the kitchen. There's random crap all over my house too which is annoying me.

I've gotten 2 negative pregnancy tests, am on day 29 of my cycle and no sign of my period in sight. SO ANNOYING!!!!! My last cycle was 27 or 28 days, so I'm officially late. I didn't take a test today. My cycles have been 25-27 days pre-clomid. I have had heartburn up the ying-yang and my appetite completely disappears when we sit down to eat supper. The other night Hu Hot sounded terrible. WTF?!?!?!?!

I'm still in my pajama's. I have to shower and get ready to go to GB to shop for Dylan's baptism gift for TOMORROW. I also have a shitpile of stuff to return at the mall and Target. We need to start saving money and I have been shopping way too much lately. Well, I always shop way too much.

We're putting the kid in a different daycare. Her sitter sent home a note this week saying that as of the new year she was closing at 4:30pm, except for Wednesdays when she closes at 4pm. So I have to leave work a half hour early every Wednesday to go get her. The closing at 4:30pm just will not work for us. She's also taking a bunch of days off in the summer which means either I take those days off too or make arrangements for Paige. That wouldn't be too hard since someone from my family could watch her. But, still a pain in the ass. I think she's getting burnt out and only wants teacher's kids. She's good with the babies up to about age 2, but then expects the big kids to entertain themselves. I had considered sending Paige to the daycare center in town this summer because she could get bored at the sitter's. We toured the center yesterday and it's really nice. It's extremely secure and the staff was all very nice. This summer Paige will be in the school age room and they go on field trips every other week in the summer. They go to the county fair, mini golfing, bowling, rollerskating, and to the children's musuem in Appleton. Of course this all comes at additional cost. During the school year, it will be $40 more a week and in the summer $65 more a week. We can afford it, but it will be slightly painful. We'll have to cut back on stuff. Hence, the return crap at the mall mission and quit shopping like crazy.

Mike is on a Wii mission. He has walmart.com up on the computer at all times and keeps refreshing it every couple of minutes. They come in stock on the walmart website every couple of hours, but sell out within 5 minutes. Literally.

OK off to shower and go be productive.

Where Are Thou Wii?

So my in laws have a Wii and we became addicted to it. We kicked around getting one because the in laws gave us $150. Well this weekend my parents gave us $100 and my grandma gave us $50 so that sealed the deal. We have enough to get the Wii and Wii play. Well apparently everyone else in the world decided to get one too because we can't find one ANYWHERE!!!!! Sunday we stopped at the DePere walmart, they were out and claimed the west side and east side walmarts were also out too. We called the Suamico and Bay Park Square shopkos, target, and best buy. No dice. I even called the Pamida in Oconto and they are out too! Mike's route is in Sheboygan and he was quite confident he could get one at the north side walmart there. Walmarts are EVERYWHERE!!!! Again, no dice. I'm kicking myself because last night on gamestop.com you could pre order one and it would be shipped on January 14th. They wouldn't charge you until it shipped and I had a free shipping code. WHY DIDN'T I ORDER FROM THERE?!?!!? They are gone now. And being the stubborn folk we are, we refuse to buy one on ebay or amazon for $50 more when we can get it in store for the regular price. I'm really irritated with the in laws because while the $150 was nice, they gave it to us in American Express gift cards that we can only use in a store. You can't use them online. What a PITA. Just write us a check. I'm being impatient. I know we'll get one eventually, I just want it NOW.

I'm home with the kid right now because she puked at school. I figured she'd lay low all afternoon, but again, no dice. She watched a movie, but keeps begging me for food. I've been really hesitant to give her too much because I don't want it coming back up. So far she's eaten 3 pieces of toast and some pretzels. She is basically back to her normal, annoying self. We just got done playing checkers and it was slightly nightmarish. She keeps asking when Mike will get home. Um, WTF?!?! Am I not good enough?

Hey M, you asked if Paige has gotten a basketball in her hands. Of course!!!! Her mom is a bball fanatic and her grandpa and auntie are former coaches. My dad got her a basketball for Christmas, and here's a video Mike took during the Janssen (my maiden name) Coaching Clinic in my parent's basement.


Babymaking update: My progesterone is in the normal range! YAHOO!!!! It's supposed to be between 15-20 and mine was 17. I'm so excited! I'm testing this Friday if I can hold out that long. I have those digital tests. I'm not feeling my normal about to get my period symptoms. I can't sleep worth a damn right now and am tired as all hell. Normally my head hits the pillow and I'm comatose until my alarm goes off. Also I have killer heartburn at night. So I'm hopeful.

I am so busy at work, and having to take off this afternoon did not help. I really don't want to go in on Friday afternoon because I need to go shopping for a baptism gift for Dylan. His baptism is this Sunday. I also don't really want to go into work on a Saturday, but we'll see how much I can get done tomorrow and Thursday.

Large

I seriously cannot believe I'm buying Paige clothes that are a girl's size large to wear next year! I like to hit end of the season clearance sales to buy for next year and I have been lucky that I've been getting her size right. I was kind of freaked out last January when I was buying medium tops (size 7/8) and size 6 pants at Children's Place for her to wear this year....THEY FIT! She's 4. She typically goes up a size every season, but I'm figuring she has to slow down at some point. So I bought some large tops (10/12) and size 8 pants online at TCP. I'm very interested to see what they look like when they get here. Today I bought her some jammies for next winter and also got them in a large because right now she's wearing a medium in Carter's pj's. WTF?!?!?! It's really bizarre buying clothes made to fit an 8-10 year old for kid to wear when they are 5.

Babymaking update: I may have mentioned in my last post that I was ovulating at the in laws. Good times. So being the discreet adults we are, the hubby and I managed to sneak in 2 nights of good, quiet babymaking. One night we ended up on the floor. How romantic are we?!?!? Today I went in for my 7 day post ovulation progesterone test. I'm usually a big weenie about getting blood drawn but this wasn't so bad. I'm starting to get annoyed though at the fact that every time I go to the Aurora lab, there is a pregnant woman there for her glucose test. Today I overheard the b/day of the preggo there and she was born in 1988. Again WTF?!?! So not fair. I'm feeling really bloated and slightly crampy the past few days so I'm getting my hopes up that that little embryo is implanting in my nice cozy uterus. I'll know in a week.

Our week of mother daughter togetherness drew to a close today. Thank god. We visited a friend and her kids today, one is the same age as Paige and they ride the bus to school every day. Paige was a huge pita and would not get off my lap. I was SO ANNOYED!!! She has actually been a huge pita all day today. I'm so sick of the talking back.

Tomorrow is our family Christmas at my mom and dad's. I'm really excited!

Good Bye 2008

Here we are on New Year's Eve, 2008. I'm sitting here with the laptop, Mike is making venison jerky and we're watching ESPN. PARTY ON!!! We've never been big partiers on New Year's Eve (or ever), and ever since we had Paige, we've gotten even more boring. It's really just another night.

So Christmas kind of sucked. Paige and I had a pretty decent Christmas Eve, we made cookies and brought them over to the neighbor's. I made a really good lasagna for supper that night and Paige opened a few presents. She woke us up at 6 am on Christmas morning and I was just about dead when she woke us up. I actually told her to go back to bed, but of course that was unrealistic. She opened up more presents and we went to church. Came home, lounged for a while, then packed up and headed to my in laws near Hayward. Mike's stepdad was half in the bag, as usual, and his mom was at work. They didn't have a Christmas tree up. Good times. We went up to Hayward on Friday to spend the day with Mike's dad and stepmom. We actually had a pretty decent time there. We spent all day Saturday at his mom and stepdad's house. UGH. We finally convinced her to get out her fake tree Saturday afternoon, after asking her several times and telling her we almost bought her a fake tree at Walmart so they'd put one up. Her response "Christmas is over." Nice. So Mike brought in her fake 3 foot tree and we spent all of 5 minutes pulling the branches down, putting up one string of lights and one of garland and the tree skirt. Why her and her useless lazy husband couldn't do that, I'm not sure. The stepdad pissed me off several times that day. The first time was when he was talking to his daughter Saturday afternoon and said how bored he was and on his third brandy already. So are we that terrible that you have to drink to get through our visit? The other time was when I put Paige in time out after listening to her sassy mouth all day. He actually sat there and motioned to her to come out of time out. Um, no. Do not undermine my discipline.

Paige slept like crap the whole time we were there. The first night Mike had to lay with her until she fell asleep, and the next 2 nights we let her watch her dvd player to fall asleep. We NEVER do that. She is such a good sleeper at home, and is usually falling asleep while we read to her. Saturday morning she was up at 5 am. Sunday morning was....interesting. She came in our room at 2 am and said she was up for the day. Again um, no. We sent her back to her room and told her to watch her dvd player. She came back in at 3:30 am and said she was up for the day. Oh no. Sent her back to her room and she came back in at 4am. Frustrated, Mike laid down with her. When I got up a few hours later, he said she never fell back asleep after 4am. She says she never fell back asleep after she came in our room at 2am and I believe her. She's usually pretty honest about that stuff. So we were understandably extremely crabby Sunday morning and started packing up our stuff to go. Mike's mom thought we were mad at her (well, I was) so Mike and her talked about the stuff that pissed us off this weekend. She said she'd talk to Dave about it, but he's such an asshole, he'll just blow it off. Luckily Paige slept the whole way home, so the trip home was pretty uneventful. I just about cried with relief when we walked in the door. It's so good to be home!!!

I have lost all respect for Mike's mom. I don't even refer to her as my mother in law. It's always Mike's mom. The way she left Mike's dad was so shady. She left with a note and had been cheating on him with her now husband for who knows how long. She went right from the house she shared with her husband of 30 years to her boyfriend's house. Her husband is such an idiot. As my dad, who doesn't talk badly about ANYONE said "boy he really knows everything about everything, huh?" He's is so arrogant and thinks he's this all knowing genius about every topic. He used to do business in GB and thinks that the Prime Quarter is the coolest place to eat. Yeah, it's not 1993. He claims that he used to see Packers there. If I'm going to pay for a restaurant meal, I'm damn sure not cooking it. I don't know of anyone that goes to Prime Quarter. We were telling them about Hu Hot and they totally ignored us. His mom had turned into a materialistic bitch and we honestly think they reason she fell for this guy is because he has a lot of money and a house on the lake. She had an Explorer but it wasn't good enough. She wanted an Expedition so she got one.

Whatever. Enough bitching.

Because I have bad timing, I was fertile while we were at the in laws. Great. And I have to take OPKs to determine when I ovulate so I can go in for 7 day post O progesterone test. So everytime I went to the bathroom I had to take this stupid little cup and dipstick in the bathroom. I cannot pee in a cup without peeing all over myself. What a pain. Of course I got a positive on Friday. So we managed to do it 2 out of the 3 nights we were there. Not fun. I'm not a quiet girl.

After day 3 of mother-daughter togetherness, Paige and I are both still alive and not in the loony bin. We had a nice lazy day at home on Monday. Yesterday we went to Badger Bouncers for 2.5 hours, best place EVER! It really wore her out. Today we were driving each other crazy, so we went to GB in the afternoon to run errands. Tomorrow Mike is home all day with us. Maybe we'll go tubing. Friday we are going to a friend's house in the morning. I have my progesterone test on Friday. Not sure if I'll go to the hospital in GB or to the clinic in Oconto.

The cat is still awesome. He's fattening up nicely and is starting to become more playful. He gained three pounds in 2 weeks! He could probably gain another 2-3 pounds.

I got new glasses and picked them up today. I really like them alot!

2008 was a good year. I hope 2009 is just as good, and brings us the baby we want so badly!

T-Minus 30 Minutes

Until I'm outta here! I won't be coming back until January 5th, 2009. For some unknown reason I took vacation until after New Year's because Paige is off of school and I figured we could get in some quality time. I must have been having a sappy sentimental moment because I'm now wondering wtf was I thinking?!?!?! I'm going to have to line up a bunch of stuff to do to keep us occupied. So far, it's picking up my orthotic inserts on the morning of December 30th and then heading to a playdate with my mom's group at this bounce house place. After that....wide open. It could get ugly.

Not much new to report here. Just putzing along in our own weird world, to quote my friend Melissa. Hard to believe Christmas is only 2 days away.

I'm feeling a little....meloncholy I guess about Christmas. My whole life, we've always spent Christmas at my 2 grandparent's houses down by Milwaukee. They live about 10 minutes apart from each other. Christmas Eve has always been with my mom's side and Christmas Day with my dad's side. Every single year. Without fail. Last year Mike and I broke tradition. We went down there, but came back on Christmas Eve because we wanted to spend Christmas Day at our house. It became really important to us to spend Christmas Day at our house and have our own traditions. We caught a lot of hell for it, but it was worth it. This year, Mike has to work on Christmas Eve, so it will be just Paige and I tomorrow. Just another day. That kind of makes me sad because I almost enjoy Christmas Eve more than Christmas Day. On Christmas Day, she'll open her Santa presents, we'll go to church, and then sometime leave to go up north to Mike's family. It's a 5 hour drive and I'm just kind of bummed that we are travelling so far on Christmas Day. Part of me wanted to head to Milwaukee and spend time with my family, especially my sister and Dylan, but there will be lots of relatives visiting on both sides and basically no room for us to stay. The 3 of us staying home all weekend is not an option. We'll drive each other crazy. BTW, we love each other, this is just how it is. But I'm hoping we'll have a decent time up north. Of course, we have to divide our time equally and spend one day at his dad's house and one day with his mom. We're sleeping at his mom's because his dad has a dog and 100 cats (Ok, 4) which causes Duchess to act even more retarded than usual.

Next weekend, we are all gathering at my mom and dad's house to have our immediate family Christmas. That will be a lot of fun. We did it last year and am really looking forward to it.

Everyone around here is hustling and bustling about, cooking and getting ready to be with family on Christmas. Tomorrow, it's going to be just Paige and I. The day after, Mike, Paige and I. Why this bums me out, I'm not sure. I feel like I should cook a big meal at least one of those days, but it doesn't seem to make sense when it's just the three of us.

But life is good other than that. Max is still awesome. Duchess acts like we are ignoring her, but I think we're giving her more attention than normal-and she knows it.

Maybe the Third Time Will be the Charm

So I visit podiatrist numero dos today. Not a fan. Maybe he was more competent than cigarette chain smoker non glove wearing podiatrist numero uno, but he was a huge jerk.

The exam room door was left wide open the whole time I was there! So everyone in that clinic in earshot knows I take lexapro and clomid. Great. So I'm the crazy babymaker. He comes in, looks at my bandaged right toe (under strict instructions from pod #1 to leave the recovering ingrown toenail removed bandaged), asks what's up with the bandage and when I tell him it was removed by pod #1, he flinches and sort of shook his head. Um, what? So he asks me how he removed it and I was like, I didn't really watch him stick a sharp metal thing under my toenail and remove it, thanks. I told him that I knew he killed the root so it wouldn't grow back. Of course in his infinate wisdom, that was not good enough. This guy was such an arrogant jerk.

So moving onto the PF. I tell him I was just diagnosed and want a more specific treatment plan. He pokes around on my heel, rushes through and explanation of what PF is, and continues to bash pod #1. This time it's because he only had the inserts custom made (and bashed the way he did that) and didn't give me anything to manage the pain. In pod #1's defense, I did think I may be preggo and told this to pod #2. He said there's other things he could have done like ultrasound therapy. Whatever. Then he tells me he took over for pod #1 while pod #1 was sick, when pod #1 came back, he took back all of his "good" (read non MA patients) and left pod #2 with what he felt were the shitty patients. OK, so don't play out your personal vendetta against the man to me, K? So he states that the inserts he gives out are the best and better than custom made ones. Fine. He slaps a pair in my shoes. Again, fine. Then he gives me a cortisone shot, sends me home with celebrex and tells me to come back next week. No information about stretching, icing, how often to change my shoes, etc. Not at all what I came in for, and told him that's what I wanted.

He was basically a moneymaker. He had patients crammed in back to back, and told me that he loved flip flops because it brought more business to him. When I check back in with the front desk, the lady tells me that they want people to pay up front for the inserts and it will be $28. What an effing scam. He put the inserts in my shoes and had me put my shoes on right away. So I couldn't return them. So I made the follow up appointment, but I think I'm going to cancel it. I got a couple of other docs names in Green Bay. One is so good he's backed up until March. One I left a message with in the middle of a workday and they never got back to me. Weird. One I could get in in January, and I haven't called the other one yet. I'm going to call the one back where I could get in in January and do a little begging and pleading to see if they can get me in soon.

I am seriously pissed that he gave me the cortisone shot. I did a little bit of research on the internet about cortisone shots and I'm a little worried. It made my foot hurt so bad, I had to ice it and take ibuprofen. It's better, but my foot feels like I got a tetanus shot. I guess it will feel better tomorrow, but the internet said to use this after other treatments haven't worked because of the side effects (like PAIN). He also sent me home with Celebrex which I've decided I'm not taking. I looked on the celebrex website and I don't like the risks associated with it. I'll take some ibuprofen or aleve to reduce the inflammation. I also have no idea what he's going to do next week.

I am just so mad about those stupid inserts. I hope they work. I felt like I was totally scammed. I've come to the conclusion that any doctor who specializes in feet is probably a little strange, but the 2 I have been to are just bad doctors.