Crabby

I'm ornary today. I know it's because I'm tired, got to bed too late last night and the kid woke me up too early today.

I really want to go to a concert coming up, but can't find anyone to come with me.

I'm feeling like a loser with no friends.

Just checked my work email and my boss won't let me go to a 3 day conference coming up in September because she can't afford to have me out of the office for 3 days. Whatever. All my expenses would be paid for. Maybe I can convince her if I work the next 3 Fridays.

I'm hungry and already sick of fruits and salads. I don't like the food I have to eat today for lunch and supper.

We're going to Eagle River this weekend. It sounds crazy but I've spent almost every night this week getting organized and packing for it. I'm trying to pack light, but we're basically camping in Kristin and Tom's cabin, so we have to bring our own sheets, pillows, towels, eating utensils, food, etc. Plus I had to sit down and look at my Jenny Craig meal plan and list out the foods I have to bring along with my yogurt, fruits, veggies, salad, milk, cottage cheese, etc. There is no way all of our stuff is going to fit in one cooler. I've been wondering why are we going to all of this trouble for one weekend, but it's better than sitting around here driving each other crazy. Plus I've been trying to do laundry all week so we don't have a huge shitpile waiting when we get home, plus keep the house semi clean. ARGH!

ETA: More reasons I'm crabby. Paige's bus was 5 minutes early, so we missed it. I feel like we will always have medical bills. I'm close to paying off my HSG and other crap I had done at Aurora last year, and we have about $150 left on Mike's chiropractor bill from last summer (about $500 total). Well we found out Mike's ER visit from last November goes towards his deductible so that's another $535. His entire ER visit for 3 stitches in one finger, and 5 in the other cost around $700. $200 for the "facility" charge, the hospital and supplies, and $500 for the physician's assistant to put in 8 stitches. His infertility workup at Aurora is another $450 and we're responsible for that too since it was this year and goes towards our deductible. UGH. Everytime I think we're getting ahead....WHAM something else happens. I still can't believe we have to cough up $700 for an ER visit because Mike was cutting deer with some machete weilding Rambo-wannabe who had no idea what he was doing.

I can't believe how much I have to do this afternoon: vacuum, finish packing, make a casserole, clean out the litter box, water all my shrubs and flowers, shower (well wash my hair, then take a bath), shave my legs, pack the cooler, pack a supper for Paige, etc. All I want to do is take a nap.

Day 1

So my Jenny Craig food was waiting for me when I got home. Luckily the neighbor girl was home and free to play so I shipped the kid there so I could unpack everything. Holy crap those meals are small. It took me a while to make room in my freezer and pantry, but I was able to fit it all in there. I ended up having to go to the Pig (Piggly Wiggly) to stock up on fruits, veggies and assorted other healthy items. Healthy food is EXPENSIVE and hard to find at a small town grocery store. I can't believe how many fruits and veggies I eat, I will probably turn into a strawberry at some point. Everything is all laid out for me and I follow a meal plan. Today for example, at breakfast I had a "bowl" of their cereal, Cranberry Almond Crunch and it was delish. I told Mike it was good, but I wasn't going to share a bite since there was only like 5 in there. Then I had a 1/2 cup of cottage cheese (half and half of low fat and regular, I can't make the switch to low fat cottage cheese just yet) and a 1/2 cup of mandarin oranges. My morning snack is a cup of fruit and one of their bars, but I didn't see this particular bar in my shipment of food, so I bought some Kashi bars last night. Lunch is their Turkey Burger, with a salad I provide, their dressing, and one piece of string cheese. My afternoon snack is 2 cups of fruit, then supper is their spaghetti and meatballs, soup, and my veggies (2 CUPS!!!!!) and my evening snack is a cookie and 1 cup of milk. Pretty much all veggies are "free foods" so I can eat them in addition to all of this stuff.

Last night I spent a lot of time cutting up fruit, measuring out my portions for breakfast and lunch today and reading over some of the materials they gave me. This is definitely going to take some time to adjust, but I'm sure I will get comfortable with this in a week or two.

I am going to stick with walking and strength training for exercise right now. I definitely want to get at least one 15 minute walk in at work every day and I really should walk the dog more often too. My main focus in these first two weeks is the food.

I have a phone consultation with one of their people tonight, and that will be once a week.

I want to lose 90 pounds and that will get me to a weight I was at 10 years ago in the summer. I was interning at SC Johnson, working out a lot and I have to admit, I looked pretty good.

I WILL DO IT!!!!

Houston We Have a Problem

My mission if I choose to accept it (which I kind of have to) is to turn this into a comfortable sleeping space for MIL and step FIL who are coming over in 2 weekends and spending the night:

This would be our infamous "back bedroom" aka "How to Control Clutter in a Small House." If you are looking for something and can't find it, it's usually in the "back bedroom." It's our catch all room for after we go shopping, as illistrated in the above picture, and we don't feel like putting the crap away. I have to admit I've never let the room get quite this bad.

The big blue and brown blob in the middle of the room is the new comforter I bought months ago and we just haven't bought paint yet for the bedroom. In the picture directly above, you will also notice a big bowl with epsom salts that I used to soak my toe, Paige's Easter basket, Paige's outgrown fall and winter clothes, and a bin filled with household stuff I got at Target this week.

The middle picture contains clothes I'm selling on ebay, and a couple of baskets of random crap that I have to go through to donate to Paige's school rummage sale. Yes that's a measuring tape, someone wanted the measurements of the clothes I'm selling. I'm selling that ride on toy of Paige's if anyone is interested. $25. I'm slowly starting to put her outgrown toys in there too in hopes that she doesn't notice they are gone and then I can sell them. I've already hid that toy and the Leap Frog alphabet thing from the fridge and she hasn't noticed. I'm quite surprised as she usually doesn't miss a thing.

There are actually 2 twin beds in that room that each have clean sheets that just haven't yet been put back on. The closet in that room is pretty well full too, but somewhat organized. If we do have another kid, we are so screwed.

Oh yeah, that top picture has my wedding flowers. Aren't they pretty? So rather than actually going to clean it out while Paige is at the neighbor kid's, I'm just sitting here blogging about it. I'm being somewhat productive though, I have a load of wash in right now and am going to hang it up when it's done. '

I think I have to put out tonight. I knocked my rearview mirror off my car and scraped the side of it pretty bad when backing out of the garage this morning. I left Mike a very apologetic phone message and he never called back today. When he didn't call back I knew he was pissed. He usually calls every day just to chat for a few minutes. So I offered to put out tonight as soon as he walked in, but he didn't seem to enthused. I bet I can change his mind.

A New Start

I'm done being this heavy. I've finally reached the point where I'm ready to do something. I've tried Weight Watchers, but I don't have enough willpower to stick with something so flexible. I've gained even more weight in the past month or so, and have gone up a size. Nothing in my closet fits. I have a double chin and don't want to be in any pictures. I'm done.

I've decided to do Jenny Craig. I need something extremely structured and laid out. I've ordered 4 weeks of food and I get a daily breakfast, lunch, dinner, 1 dessert and 1 snack. I can supplement the food with my own fruits and vegetables, but the food will come with a detailed menu plan so I'll know exactly how much I can eat. I want to lose 90 pounds. Once I lose 45 pounds, I'll get $50 off my next food order, and once I reach my goal weight and keep it off for a year, I get half of my membership fee back. I have a once a week phone consultation with a Jenny Craig person.

Mike is 100% supportive. He knows I'll be a huge crabby bitch at first and that him and Paige are pretty much on their own for supper. We might cook a few things on the weekend, freeze them and he can heat up during the week.

My goal is to lose 15 pounds before my high school reunion in 2 months. Wish me luck, I'm going to need it!

Do I Really Have a Five Year Old?

How has it been 5 years since my life changed on May 12, 2004? Seriously, how did this kid go from this:

to this:

It's just not possible. To quote my friend Melissa, I guess I blinked and she turned into this:

I then I must have daydreamed for a little bit because all of a sudden she was potty trained and sitting on Santa's lap:

And then I guess I blinked again because she was 4 and having a Princess Birthday Party:

Then like a day after her party, she started school!


And now I have a 5 year old who is old enough to feed her cousin:


My sweet Paige, I love you so much. I don't think you'll know how much I love you until you have a child of your own. Thanks for making me your mama.

Doctor's Appointments

This morning was my repeat HSG. First I had to go to Women's Speciality Care to pee in a cup and have them confirm that I really am not pregnant. The worst part of that was when the receptionist goes "oh this is exciting!" when I told her i was there for a pregnancy test. Ouch. Stick the knife right in my heart. Then over to Bellin for the HSG. I had moment of panic when they told me that a different doctor who've I heard is not very nice at WSC signed the order for my HSG so they weren't sure of that not nice doctor was coming or Dr. O'toole. THANK GOD Dr. O'Toole walked in. I was expecting the worst part to be showing my crotch to yet another man I barely know, but YOWCHA. This one for whatever reason was way more painful than the first one. I was doing Lamaze breathing. The AWESOME news is that IVF is not our only option. YEAH! The dye spilled through both my tubes, but for whatever reason one of my tubes is really, really big. It's not blocked, but it's big, meaning that the little hairs that are inside your tubes (I didn't know they existed) aren't reaching the egg to sweep it down. So after my repeat ultrasound in about a month, I'm going to start Clomid with IUI. My insurance pays for that!!!! YAHOO!!!! Please pray for us that this works. I still can't believe how much that HSG hurt, I'm still feeling crampy.

Bellin has valet parking, which I've never done before. It was pretty cool. Then I had about 3 hours to kill before my appointment with Dr. Van Beek, the best podiatrist ever. So I spent over an hour and $200 @ Target, then hit the mall to make a few returns. Dr. Van Beek cleaned out the dried blood, put a ton of antibacterial stuff on, then re-bandaged it, the toe only. No more surgical shoe, YEHAW!! Still can't get it wet though.

Then home to dig up my dead shrubs, off to pick up the kid, then True Value to return my dead shrubs that didn't come back this year, home for a quick supper and then to Paige's first t-ball practice. She was so cute! She was one of very few girls, I think there's only 3 girls total on her team and I think there were 12 boys. I was so proud of her, she hit the ball better and ran the bases better than a few of the boys! She really seemed to have fun which was the most important thing and so fun to watch. Her first game is next week and she has games every Monday until about the middle of July.

It's about 10pm right now. 5 years ago today at this time, I was asking for the anesthesiologist and in the throes of intense labor. I'd already thrown up and wondering how long this hell would last. I went from 4cm to delivered in 4 hours, but it was a very intense 4 hours. I can't say this enough, I still can't believe my baby is 5! More to come on that tomorrow on her actual 5th birthday. I love you Paige!

Dear People In the Pew In Front of Us at Church,

Church is not a party, it's a mass. It's sacred. We receive a sacrament, Jesus's body and blood. Therefore, after Communion, please refrain from speaking so loudly that I can't hear the singing, take the disgusted looks off your face when the 1st Communion kids did the May Crowning after Communion, and also refrain from impatiently gathering your things and being shift and ancey during the last song. I realize you must have had brunch reservations to get to and those were obviously your priority and the May Crowning added an extra 5 minutes to church, but seriously, some of us go to church and pray, so chill out. I'm sure Mass is long forgotten in your minds while you are stuffing your faces at an overpriced brunch. I've never seen you at Mass and I'm sure I never will again.

On that note, has Mother's Day turned into a Christmas/Easter holiday where it's one of only few times that people go to church? Church was PACKED. I realize that some people were visitors, but they had to put out extra chairs, I can't imagine we had that many visitors to our little town. If you don't go to church every week, don't go on Mother's Day.

I know I sound really judgemental, but I feel very strongly about this.

Paige experienced getting hurt by friends for the first time yesterday. She was playing with her friend Jen, across the street who is 10. There's a couple of other girls who play together with Paige and Jen and I think they are around 8 years old. You may think it's weird that we let Paige play with a 10 year old, but Jen has been at Sandi's since Paige first started and has always been like a big sister to Paige. She's a very nice girl and her parents have said several times that Paige is welcome there anytime. Paige played there almost every night last week and even ate supper there a couple of nights. Yesterday she was there for most of the morning and afternoon. Around 3pm she came back home all upset. Apparently Jen told Paige it was time to go home and then asked another girl if she could sleep over. I really can't blame Jen for not wanting to play with a 5 year old anymore, but it broke my heart to see my baby heartbroken. Paige is so sensitive like me and I have a feeling she will get her feelings hurt many, many times. Do you know how hard it was for me to keep it together and not break down crying too? I will need strength to get through the many years of school, that is for sure!

Mike is attempting to keep Paige out of my hair today as my Mother's Day present but it has not been successful. She is extra annoying and pesty right now and will not get out of my ass. I think she can tell that Mike is trying to keep her out of my hair and she's doing everything in her power to stay in my hair. My Mother's Day present to myself is lots of coffee, donut holes and the Sunday paper. Aaahh....

Drained

OK so I'm really not drained right now, but had I written this Friday night I really was drained. Last week was, shall we say, oh a nightmare at work. Maybe nightmare is a little strong but it was absolutely insane. All I did was swine flu. I put in an extra 10 hours. Not fun. And I was pretty much working in hyper overdrive mode all week.

Paige's daycare situation did not help matters. Copied and pasted from an email because I'm time efficient so here goes: A couple of weeks ago, the new county certification lady visited Sandi and told her that she had too many kids and had until April 30th to correct the situation (i.e. get rid of some kids). So Sandi decided to get state licensed so she can have 8 kids under the age of 7. Well that takes a while. She applied right away and got her paperwork turned in ASAP, she’s just waiting for a state person to do a home visit. So she asked those who can to have family, friends, etc. watch the kids until she gets state licensed. Well, we obviously have no one close by. So after thinking about it, we decided to send her to Building Blocks (BB, the only daycare center in town) for at least until the time Sandi got state licensed. Then as we looked at our schedules more, it made sense to just keep Paige at BB. Well finally on Friday I had to tell Sandi and I had a knot in my stomach all day. So when I told Sandi Friday, she started crying, which got me going. As I was watching Paige play with the other girls, (after Sandi and I got it together) I just knew in my heart of hearts, it wasn’t the right decision to pull her from Sandi’s. It’s so hard to explain but I think other moms will get it. Sandi’s is her 2nd home. And she knew that Paige was one of the kids that didn’t have family in the area to watch her while she waited for her state license, so she expected to have Paige there. Then on the way home Paige tells me that Makayla, a 4k kid in her class who also goes to BB, told Paige and everyone else that Paige was going to BB. That’s how she found out. Paige started bawling on the way home and said she didn’t want to go to BB, she wanted to stay at Sandi’s. So Paige and I both walk into the house crying, Mike was like WTF?!?!?! So after Paige went to bed, Mike and I talked and figured we could live with her schedule because it’s worth it to us to have Paige stay at Sandi’s. I know other people may not think it’s the right decision, but it works for us. Like I said, Sandi’s is truly Paige’s 2nd home and she is so comfortable there and I know Sandi truly loves her. So Mike went over to Sandi's on Friday night and told her we're keeping her there and they talked for a while about her schedule. She said as long as I call ahead if I'm going to be late and just let her know when Mike needs to pick up because of my car seat appointments, conferences, etc. she's totally fine. Before Mike left, Sandi goes "THANK YOU Mike" with so much happiness in her voice. It works for us and that's all that matters.

I really have not seen much of Paige lately. As soon as she gets home from school, she quick changes and then runs across the street to play with the neighbor kids. I try to keep her here to talk and hang out, but it's not worth it, she really doesn't want anything to do with me. She's been there since we got home a little after 4pm today.

I had my ingrown toenail removed on Monday. THAT was fun. They gave me some pills to "take the edge off". Well it made me "sleep all day." The two things that really suck is this ugly uncomfortable surgical shoe and not letting the bandage get wet. I attempted to shower yesterday with a plastic bag tied around my foot and that didn't work. Today I washed my hair under the running faucet in the tub, and then bathed with my right foot propped up, more info than you wanted to know I'm sure. So then I swing my right foot out of the tub, start to roll out and grab the towel bar to lift me up. Well the towel bar doesn't hold me up. So that option is out. Before you laugh, try giving yourself a bath with your right foot propped up and then getting out with just one foot down and your arms. I'm going to have to have Mike lift me out like a fat cripple.

In even more medical news, I had an ultrasound yesterday to check for endometriosis. Dr. O'Toole saw "something" on my left ovary and wants me to come back in 4-6 weeks for a repeat u/s. Next week Monday I'm having a repeat HSG and I honestly don't have high hopes for it. I really think I have blocked tubes and that is the cause of my infertility, not the endo. But I found out Women's Speciality Care is one of the sites that I can have the monitoring done with that one program that covers 6 IVF cycles. Carmen said they deal with a lot of IVF clients who are in that program and have the egg retrieval and transfer done in IL or MN. so I'll probably go there for the monitoring (blood work and ultrasounds).

OK my kid and hubby are back so off to enjoy some family time before the kid goes to bed.

Friday Fill Ins

OK so Friday is almost over, but I'm still playing this fun game. The stuff highlighted in red is what I filled in.
1. The first rule of working in an office and getting along is mind your own business.

2. I don't eat clams.

3. When I think of carnivals I think of weird looking carnies.

4. Tulips are my favorite spring flower.

5. Things on my desk include pictures, post it notes, unorganized papers, phone, computer, hand sanitzer.

6. The fact that people are wearing masks at Walmart makes me wanna lose my mind.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to chilling out, tomorrow my plans include meeting Kristin and Dylan for some rummage saleing then taking Paige to YMCA Healthy Kids Day and Sunday, I am meeting high school friends for lunch in Appleton.

Oink Oink

So you had to know this post was coming, right? And these words may come back to bite me in the ass, but please people STOP PANICKING!!!!! Do you realize that seasonal flu kills about 35,000 Americans EVERY YEAR?!?!? Honestly, I'd be a hell of a lot more worried about seasonal flu than swine flu. Did you get your flu shot? Did your kids get their flu shot? I read today that the seasonal flu has already killed 13,000 Americans this season. How many Americans has swine flu killed? Zero. The little boy that died in the US was from Mexico.

We have been preparing for a flu pandemic for years. We just thought it would be bird flu, not swine flu. Someone on FB is worried about delivering her child in a swine flu infested hospital. Please. Hospitals are so ready for this. My coworker's sister works for St. Vincent's and she's forwarded me a bunch of stuff that their infection control nurse sent to all of the staff there. And I think people with a contagious disease will be far far away from the nursery. Doctor's offices have been instructed to meet a person with flu like symptoms at the door wearing a mask, mask the patient and take them to an exam room. I would imagine hospitals will do the same.

The CDC said Wisconsin has one of the best pandemic flu plans. We are ready for this. Do not panic.

So what can you do? Number one, don't panic. Number two, be prepared for this outbreak to spread. Make sure you have a 2 week supply of food, water, prescription meds, cold and flu meds, and any special needs your family might have (diapers, baby food, formula, etc.). Most importantly and this won't sound like much, but it's HUGE: wash your hands, cover your cough, and stay home when you are sick. If your kid is sick, keep them home. If you go to church, don't shake hands with people who are coughing and sneezing. If you do, use hand sanitizer. Don't touch your eyes, nose or mouth. Do not stockpile masks. Do not stockpile antivirals. Save them for people in highly affected areas. I heard on the news tonight that several stores are out of masks.

I also just heard that WI has three probable swine flu cases. Let's put this in perspective. In one day, we got a call from one of our doctor's that 6 kids, 6, tested positive for influenza A in one day. And that's in one town of 4500 people.

Stepping off my soapbox now.

And So We Wait Some More

Got a call back from Carmen @ Women's Speciality Care who is an overall rock star and my new BFF. Dr. O'Toole reviewed my HSG films (Thank you Aurora for getting them there so quickly!) and wants me to have a repeat HSG. He says my left tube is definitely swollen and basically the radiologist, Dr. Gibson and Dr. Severino all had different opinions about the results. Great. In order to do the repeat HSG, Dr. O'Toole wants to be 100% sure I'm not pregnant, so we have to abstain for 2 weeks, then I have to have a pregnancy test the day before the HSG, and we'll do it on days 5-1o of my cycle. Kind of bummed about the 2 week abstaining because I've really enjoyed trying this cycle and have been looking forward to having sex just to have sex. What a concept. I'm going to still have my ultra sound next week because of my painful periods. I am just a mess. So if my tubes really are blocked, we are back to IVF.

I just found out a friend of a friend who has been trying for a while with no luck is pregnant. I'm really starting to feel like it will never happen for us.

Next week Monday I get my ingrown toenail removed and found out I have to wear the surgical shoe for up to 3 weeks. WTF?!?! I refuse to wear it to the Keith Urban show on the 16th. Mike is making fun of my vanity saying "so you'll have a better shot with him if you don't wear the shoe." I informed him that I'm saving myself for Kenny this summer. I'm rather pissy about my left heel because I've been wearing flip flops lately and it's been hurting like a mo'fo. If I really do have plantar faciitis that will suck the big one.

I was supposed to have car seat appointments today but my co worker offered to take my place. Thank god because the idiots that I work with decided rather than schedule people for other days, they would just start to schedule them before AND after our usual 2pm-5:45pm appointment times. It's bad enough doing car seats for over 4 hours straight, but those yahoos scheduled the first one at 11am and the last one at 6:15pm and she has 2 seats. I was super pissed about the 6:15pm one. I was gone almost all of last week, so I'd normally be busy just catching up. But add this swine flu BS in and I'm swamped. But I still make time to blog so my 5 readers aren't left hanging on the edge of their seats.

I Like My Small House But...

it does have it's drawbacks. For example, if Mike and I want some, um, adult time during the day we either have to ignore our burning loins or sneak to the basement for a quickie. We do this during Paige's "quiet time." Today our burning loins were not to be ignored. So we snuck to the basement and were in the throes of really enjoying ourselves when Mike jumps away from me like I have the plague and starts getting dressed. He must have supersonic ears because he heard Paige coming down the stairs. He caught Paige on the steps and explained that we were exercising and he got hot, which is why he had to take his shirt off. He stopped her before she got to the bottom step and saw me without my pants on. Luckily he got her back to her bedroom told her she had to stay in until the clock said 3 1 5 and we got back to business. I thought the kid would be a buzzkill but apparently not.

So last Tuesday was yet another round of "Losers Come Get Your Free Car Seats." Most of the parents were ok, but that fat chick who showed up at the car seat check in Oconto came again and got three more free seats. For whatever reason she doesn't drive so this time she came in her dad's car and we gave her three more free seats for his car. Why we couldn't have just given her a free convertible for the unborn baby and told her to move the boosters back and forth I don't know. My coworkers are hell bent on making sure every lazy schmuck gets a free car seat. Grandpa's car was a 1994 Mercury Sable. I'm not asking for much, but I'd just like a car from the 21st century. Our first vehicle was a 1996 Buick without LATCH and the grandpa attached the lower anchors from the car seat to "something" in the crack of the vehicle seat. Interesting. So we had a 1996 Buick, 1994 Mercury, 1998 Caravan, 1999 Silverado, and my 2 personal favorites a 1987 Toyota 4 runner and a 1994 Geo Tracker. The 1987 Toyota was a Hispanic family, dad spoke ok English, mom spoke almost none and their 7 year old daughter spoke the best English. They also had a 4 year old son. I spoke mostly to the 7 year old. She was super sweet and the family was very nice. So we were putting their boosters in the backseat and noticed they didn't have any shoulder belts. You absolutely cannot put a kid in a booster with lap belt only. Luckily my coworker asked if they had another car at home and they did. So they leave and pull up in a 1999 Cadillac Escalade with pimped out rims. Um, WTF? Why didn't you just show up in that? So they got their free boosters and we sent them on their way. The mom hugged us before they left. She was so sweet! Then our last one was the Tracker-a soft top with 2 kids in the back seat with no car seats. 7 year old girl and 3 year old boy. The boy was a huge brat who basically didn't talk, just screamed the whole time. Mom wasn't much better, she kept telling him that if he didn't stay in his seat that the cops would pull her over and take him away. Nothing like the threat of being taken away from your mom to calm down a hysterical 3 year old. Just a little awkward for us too.

I saw Dr. O'Toole to get my second opinion on Tuesday. I am very frustrated with how things are going right now. I have not been able to find a doctor that I stick with. I was seeing a doctor here in town, Dr. Hockman; she delivered Paige and also surgically removed the ovarian cyst I had about 4 years ago. She left and I saw the doctor who took her place (Dr. Bowers) a few times and liked her too, but I work with that office professionally and it just got to be weird seeing her on a personal basis. So then as you know I started seeing Dr. Gibson last fall and after the three rounds of Clomid and no pregnancy I went to Dr. Severino. I went to O'Toole to get a 2nd opinion on my HSG. Well I assumed Aurora was sending over the actual films from my HSG but they only sent over the notes. So Dr. O'Toole had nothing to look at, just Gibson and Severino's notes. UGH. So I had to call Gibson's office and have them send over a disc that has my HSG films to O'Toole. But because my ovarian cyst was endometriosis and I have painful periods (sorry if too much info) they are concerned that it's the endo causing my infertility. UGH! So I have low progesterone, possibly a damaged tube and endometriosis. No wonder I can't get pregnant. Dr. Bowers is sending all of my operative reports from my ovarian cyst removal also to O'Toole and he's going to review the films from my HSG. So I go back to Dr. O'Toole in 2 weeks to have an ultrasound done. I may need surgery to remove endo if I have any, and then he recommended clomid with IUI. My head is spinning. I just want a baby. I feel like I've seen every OB/GYN in GB in the last few years. I think I like Dr. O'Toole though. He's very confident, almost arrogant, but he knows his stuff. The clinic is like a 5 star hotel inside. Wow. I thought Aurora was nice. They have a fertility coordinator, Carmen, who is just a sweetheart. I like O'Toole because he's going to have as much of this stuff billed/coded as painful periods, not infertility because then it will more likely get paid by my insurance. I'm not too concerned about that because I've had every other infertility thing covered, but he mentioned several times that he wants to make sure I get the most out of my insurance coverage. A girl I work with has seen O'Toole for a while and said the same thing about him-very confident, but really knows his stuff. (copied and pasted from an email, much faster!)

We're watching reruns of the Cosby Show right now. They just don't make shows like this anymore.

My List of 8's

Here's the deal--mention the person that tagged you. Complete the lists of 8's. Tag 8 of your wonderful blogger friends.

M of Rumblings and Bumblings tagged me. She's a fellow May 2004 Ya Ya and she rocks my socks off.

8 Things I Am Looking Forward To
1. Keith Urban concert next month
2. Brewer game in July
3. Kenny Chesney concert in July
4. Our school auction tomorrow night
5. Nice weather
6. My 8th wedding anniversary (not until October, but still something to look forward to!)
7. Paige riding her bike without training wheels
8. Tom and Kristin living closer to us

8 Things I Did Yesterday
1. Drove all the way to Wautoma of all places for a meeting
2. Shopped at Target
3. Totally splurged on a spring/fall super cute jacket at Target
4. Ate a ton of beer bread
5. Went to my first Tastefully Simple Party
6. Blogged
7. Facebooked
8. Skipped my workout

8 Things I Wish I Could Do
1. Get a new job. My coworkers suck.
2. Get pregnant.
3. Lose weight.
4. Get grass to grow and stay green in my yard.
5. Train my dog to not be so retarded.
6. Win the lottery.
7. Be more patient with Paige.
8. Make out with Kenny Chesney.

8 Shows I Watch
1. Desperate Housewives
2. American Idol
3. The Hills
4. Keeping Up with the Kardashians
5. 30 Minute Meals
6. Snapped
7. Law and Order
8. Friends

8 People I Tag
Um, if you're reading this and have a blog, I tag you.

I Work With Freaks

I like my job and what I actually do, but I cannot stand my coworkers. Yesterday, I had to make some copies; I get to the copier and it's jammed. Someone had a paper misfeed and rather than attempt to fix it or even put up a note saying "coper jammed" or asking someone for help with it, they just left it for the next person. I was in a huge hurry and our other few copiers are super slow. So I unjammed it. The copier gives you very specific instructions on how to fix it. You just have to be, oh I don't know, responsible for yourself and actually attempt something without someone else holding your hand. So I sent out a bitchy email to everyone saying please don't leave the copier jammed, fix it yourself or ask for help. Kind of sad I have to send that out to a group of adults.

Today one of the economic support workers emails all of us asking if someone took her correction tape. She needs it back because "she makes a mess with the liquid stuff and can't use it." SERIOUSLY?!?!?!!? You are a grown woman!!! My 4 year old would make a mess with liquid white out. You should not.

More car seat appointments yesterday. Our first one pulls up in a 1985 Buick. Yeah. Next car was a 1991 Oldsmobile. They were late because his meeting with his parole officer ran later. I'm sure you hear that excuse a lot. Next one was a no show. After that we had a 1998 Pontiac with a baby named Karma. Yep, Karma. Next one was in a 1993 Saturn with her super fat friend who barely fit in that car. Only the first family had a baby where the mom and baby had the same last name. I am so irritated that I even have to ask for the baby's last name and that 80% of the time it's different than mom's. All of them got their free car seats.

So while we're waiting for the no show (or maybe the one running late from his parole meeting) my co worker, who is our IMMUNIZATION COORDINATOR tells me she's pissed off at our boss for denying her vacation the first 2 weeks of October. October is flu clinic month. It has been for the last 100 years. Our immunization coordinator who coordinates flu clinics wants to take off during flu clinic month. And she's pissed off because our boss denied it.

I hope the economy improves soon so I can look for another job. I can't keep working with these yahoos.

The Curls Are Definitely Gone

Paige got her hair cut yesterday into a super cute chin length bob. Alot of her friends have that kind of hair and she wanted it like that. It's absolutely adorable, but I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that her curls are gone. She had the most adorable curls, but about a year ago they started to grow out. Everyone commented on her curls and I loved them! Here's the dramatic change:


To this:


Now granted there's about 2 1/2 years in between those pictures, but it gives you an idea of her curls. Now they are gone and in it's place is a stylish bob.

My baby will be 5 next month! 5 seems so old. She is growing up so fast. She's gotten so social and plays so well with lots of kids.

I'm now the proud new owner of a Motorola Rokr. YEAH!!!! I've been wanting a new phone for a while because my old one was a huge piece of shit. So I had it narrowed down to this LG with a slide out keyboard and the Rokr. I was leaning toward the LG because of the slide out keyboard and it was cheaper. Plus Motorolas never seem to hold their charge. So when I went to the the store today to get the new one, right away the girl working said many people return the LG's and don't really like them. So I ended up getting the Rokr and I really like it. I have the internet on it which is super cool. Mike is playing with it now.

Kristin and Tom are the proud new owners of a house in Sobieski. Their house payment will be twice ours. It's a beautiful home but I like my house payment. I'm excited to have them close to us.

I ran some errands in Green Bay today and of course spent too much money. Tell me how lame this is: Target had the green Leapster on sale for $29 but the pink one was the regular price of $49. We (well, I) want to get one for her birthday present. If I wouldn't have got a rain check for a $29 pink one from TRU, I would have just gotten her the pink one. I just think that is so lame. Stupid stores.

A Lesson in Kindness

Yesterday started badly. The night before last I was feeling pretty miserable and was still bummed yesterday morning. I slept in because I could not get out of bed. On my way into work I rear-ended a car. We were both at a stop sign, turning right, I looked left, didn't see anyone coming and started to accelerate without making
sure the car in front of me was going too. Well they weren't. Luckily it was a big ass Grand Marquis that must be made of steel because I didn't do any damage. I got out of my car, apologizing profusely and the lady looks at the car says she doesn't see anything, says it's ok, and got back in her car. She was so nice and really seemed to take pity on me. I got back into my car and started bawling. I so wanted to turn my car around and just go home, but I didn't. I totally could have turned left and taken off because they just sort of sat there at the stop sign, then turned right, pulled over and waited. So I waited for them. Maybe she was so nice because I didn't take off. I have no idea who she was, but I honestly felt like she was an angel. Maybe God put us in that situation to help me get my head out of my ass.

I've been really crabby and short with Paige today and I don't know why. I took today off because her sitter is closed (getting her wisdom teeth out) and for some reason she has really been irritating. Maybe there's something wrong with me. She's got some new annoying tricks-stomping her foot when she's mad about something, asking questions I just answered, and NOT LETTING ANYTHING DROP!!!! I can say no to something and she will not let it go until I've totally lost my patience and am yelling. Good times.

I'm looking into a program where we pay up front for IVF and get 3 "fresh" cycles and 3 frozen embryo transfers. If we don't get pregnant, we get either 70% to 100% of our money back depending on the clinic we go to. Only problem is, no clinics in Wisconsin participate. I'd have to go to Minnesota or Illinois for the egg retrieval and transfer. I can do the ultrasounds and bloodwork or what they call "monitoring" can be done at a clinic here in Green Bay. I have to find out if there's only certain clinics I can go to or if I can stick with Aurora. I'm not a fan of having to drive to Minneapolis or Highland Park, IL but I'll do it. I think IL would be closer and faster.

Paige has made a new friend in the older girl across the street. She wants to go over there every night and will keep asking if I say no. Tonight we were playing outside at our house and she saw this older girl outside at her house with some other girls. She drops the kite, yells "JEN IS OUTSIDE!!!!" and takes off towards her house, looking before she crossed the street. Um, ok. I guess you're going over there then? I watched her go, all the girls were waving at her and one gave her a hug when she got there. that made me feel better. The other girls are 7-9 years old. My theory is that they love to just play and really don't mind having Paige with. They came over here once and oohed and aahed over her kitchen and started playing with it right away. Then they all went outside and blew bubbles and drew with sidewalk chalk. So she's been there for almost an hour and I have to admit it's quite nice. I just don't want her to wear out her welcome.

Forgot to Mention...

I found out today that I'm not pregnant. Yes my monthly visitor reared her ugly head. Good times.

I just drowned my sorrows in a half a bag of jelly beans. How healthy.

I am so tired tonight. I went to bed way too late last night and had such a hard tiem getting out of bed to exercise this morning. I bumbled my way through a strength training workout for about a half hour and then called it quits. I'm eating like crap lately, even worse than usual. I can tell I'm not losing weight and I should be.

Time for supper.

Pity Party for Me

Those in my playgroup probably saw this coming, so you can stop reading now if you want. Another mom in the group, an aquaintence who I've always liked and wanted to get to know better, just announced on FB that she is pregnant. She has struggled for a while to get preggo and we were kind of in this "getting knocked up" journey together. Now I'm alone. Yes, I'm happy for her, I really am. But on the other hand, when I read that, it was like getting kicked in the stomach and going "WHY NOT ME?!?!!?" What am I doing wrong? What are we doing wrong? Or what have we done to deserve this?

I went to resolve.org, a really nice website dealing with all things infertility. They have message boards and I signed up for them. I can't activate my account until I check my yahoo email at home.

A few weeks ago, our CPS workers took a newborn baby out of her home, I don't know exactly why other than she was born with drugs in her system. Her loser parents came in every day for visitation for a few hours in the conference room RIGHT NEXT DOOR. They were always at least 10 minutes late, the "dad" once tested positive for pot in his system, and each have 5 kids with other people. They run a meth house and are in their mid 20's. Their worker has the office right across from mine so I overheard way too much and saw the baby way too much. I finally held her yesterday and she curled up like a little bean on my shoulder and fell asleep. I wanted to cry. I want to cry now typing this. Yesterday they had a court hearing and the biological parents got her back. Why? This poor baby will never have a chance.

I'm so frustrated that I have to wait almost a month before seeing Dr. O'Toole to get a second opinion. I'm going to call tomorrow and see if I can get anything sooner. I'm also going to ask that they get my records from Severino and that Dr. O'Toole reviews them prior to my appointment as I've been through all the initial stuff. I want him to look at the x-rays from my HSG and give me a definitive answer and whether or not he thinks it's worth my time and effort to have a repeat HSG. I've heard this clinic is wonderful, but I have a bad taste in my mouth from the way the receptionist treated me.

"It Gets the Poop Off Better"

Yes, this statement actually came out of my mouth today. Paige was going number 2 and said "I'm going to use a baby wipe Mama!!!" I said "yeah, it gets the poop off better." As soon as I said it, I was like wow, the stuff that comes out of your mouth after you have kids....kind of crazy. Yes, I keep baby wipes out on my bathroom counter. They are just so darn practical. I've trained Paige to use the baby wipes when she poops otherwise we go through at least one roll of toilet paper a day. She has clogged the toilet with the insane amount of TP she uses.

So we had a nice weekend. Friday was a little rough. Paige was super tired and therefore super whiny and clingy and emotional. So I was more than happy to ship her off to school. Saturday we were lazy in the morning, then went to the Big Event for Little Kids at Shopko Hall. A loud crazy event, but Paige loved it! Then we met Kristin, her friend Megan and Dylan @ Margarita's. YUM. Mike went fishing (we drove separately) and Paige and I went to Kristin's for the rest of the night. I was a little worried about Paige getting jealous of Dylan, but she was so good. Kristin's friend Megan is really good with kids and gave lots of attention to Paige. Dylan is starting to smile and laugh more so he's even more fun to be around. He really seems to respond to Paige too and like her a lot. Mike finally rolled home around 3:30 am Sunday morning. The walleye fishing is really good on the Fox River and he's addicted. He's a good hubby though, he still got up on Sunday morning with Paige and let me sleep. Sunday we went to church, then Kristin and Tom came up because they were looking at houses in Little Suamico. Dylan of course was cuter than ever. Paige got him on a huge laughing fit and I recorded it on my camera. He played with Paige's old Gymini-what a blast from the past.

I think Kristin and Tom have their heads in the clouds. Kristin does not plan to go back to work full time, yet they are looking at houses that cost around $200,000. WTF. They found one they fell in love with that has vaulted ceilings, Corian counters, hickory cabinets, etc. It's not just a "basic house" like Tom said. I thought you mean, like ours? Like our 1040 square feet house with only one bathroom? It may not be much, but we can afford it and we can afford to do lots of fun things because we are not house poor.

Oh I forgot to mention the coolest part about the Big Event for Little Kids. As we walked up to the ticket counter to buy our tickets, this lady comes up to us and hands us four free tickets! SWEET!!! Saved us $22. Boy there were some "interesting" people there. Good people watching opportunities.

I Sound Like a Yooper

Holy crap, I just watched the video of me speaking to the Joint Finance Committee yesterday and I can't believe how strong my Wisconsin accent is. It's not even yooper-ish, I sound like I'm from northern Canada or something. Wowza. If you want a laugh at my expense, click http://wisconsineye.com/wisEye_programming/ARCHIVES-jointcommittees.html#1965

scroll down to 04.01.09 | Joint Committee on Finance Public Hearing from Appleton (Part 2) and click on "watch". I start at 32 minutes, 45 seconds. Yes, I took the time to figure that out. I think I also have a speech impediment, I said the word program and it comes out like "pwogram." WTF.

She-Devil testified, aka Carrie Schneider, the Outagamie County DA. She was the prosecutor in my dad's trial and her voice is worse than nail's on a chalkboard. If you've heard her before, you know. Try listening to it for 8-9 hours a day, 4 days in a row. It will drive you batty. As soon as she started talking, I flipped out and left. It was like a flashback to his trial. When I saw her on the news, she looks pregnant. I hope her kid rips her crotch to shreds with his/her devil horns on the way out.

The hearing was held at Lawrence University in downtown Appleton and downtowns really freak me out. I was overly prepared with a map of the downtown in which I drew the various parking ramps in. I memorized several routes of how I would get there. Well God had other plans for me because a bridge on College Avenue is closed from 441 and they direct you to take the Oneida St. exit. I had a panic attack realizing I may end up in Menasha or something. But I thankfully got there in one piece, the detour really wasn't that bad. I even got out of the parking ramp and back on Oneida GOING THE RIGHT WAY on my way home without having to turn around once. That's huge for me people. I sometimes have meetings in downtown GB in the same office building and I always use the same parking ramp. I still can't figure out how to get out of there and I've been going there for 8 years.

Well yah hey, I better get back to work, doncha think? Uff-da.