If It's Not One Thing...

It's another. Mike's grandpa died Easter Sunday morning so we went up there Monday and got back yesterday. It's a 4.5 hour drive and it went surprisingly well, especially since Paige never napped. We stayed at his mom's house.

Tuesday morning, Paige woke up covered in puke. She continued to puke all day long at Mike's mom's house. Mike had to go to his grandpa's wake by himself which I felt horrible about. His mom wasn't too supportive either. She told Mike that her couch smelled like puke, and when he apologized and offered to clean it she said, no that's ok, I'll do it. Why mention it then? All I could do was hold Paige and catch her puke as best as I could, she wouldn't go to anyone else, even Mike and his mom never offered to help in any way. When I told her that Paige threw up water in the bathroom and that I laid a towel over it, she copped a huge attitude again. Mike had planned to spend the morning with his dad and then go to his grandpa's wake that night. But I needed him to stay with me after Paige puked for the millionth time that morning and it happened to land all over me and my clean clothes right after a shower. I kind of had a meltdown. When Mike told his mom, she said "well I never had two people to take care of you guys when you were throwing up.." Well excuse me supermom. GRRRRRR!!!!

Wednesday was the funeral and it was very emotional. His grandpa was a WWII vet and they did military honors afterwards, that part was very touching. Paige had a fever all day and I had to hold her all day. Again she wouldn't even go to Mike. We got home yesterday around 5pm, and we thought her fever might be breaking because her temp went down a degree and she was starting to perk up a little. Then the diarhea started and it hasn't stopped. Her butt is on fire and we're going through Desitin like it's going out of style. She has the classic rotavirus symptoms so I'll be home with her tomorrow too I'm sure. I don't mind though.

My dad's bond hearing starts in about 10 minutes. We heard yesterday that the DA is going to recommend a signature bond so that is good news. The decision ultimately is up to the judge, but the DA recommending a signature bond is a good start.

Then today my dryer starts making funky noises so I can't use it. It's old though so it wouldn't surprise me if we have to buy a new one this weekend. I just don't know what to do with the clothes sitting in it because my clothesline is full and it's socks and undies, not necessarily stuff I want to hang up.

I'm trying to say the rosary every day. I should probably go and say one before Paige wakes up.

I'm Lost

Avoiding work again. I'm swamped, but I don't know where to start and again am shutting down.

I want to curl up in a ball in bed and hide away from everything: work, Mike, Paige, and my family. This is like a living nightmare. Paige is my one bright spot, but she can cause me a lot of pain as well. She was super tired last night and CRANKY. We couldn't do anything right.

People at work are kind of avoiding me and leaving me alone which I really appreciate right now.

My mom tells me we have to hold on to our faith. Well, OK, so we pray, hundreds of people around us are praying, and what if the worst happens and he's found guilty? What good did our faith do? I guess I just don't have faith in my faith right now; I have nothing to hold on to.

Weight Watchers is HARD! I'm only supposed to eat 28 points every day and the past 2 days, I've eaten about 55. Yikes. No wonder I can't lose weight. I'm starting to make gradual changes, like drinking more water, measuring foods, and being very aware of what I'm putting in my mouth. It's going to take a while, but this weight will come off. I guess that's what I have to hold on to.

My only friend from Hortonville emailed me and told me that she's putting a stop to the gossip she's hearing and is setting the record straight, which I appreciate more than words can say. But at the same time, it makes me wonder just how much gossip is happening? Aaah, the joys of a small town. She has been a total sweetheart though, offered to come to his court hearing next week and drop off a meal or two at my parent's house. I have a feeling they are going to avoid going out in public for a while. It's amazing how much power one person has over another person's life.

Avoiding Work

I'm super busy at work and am sort of in shut-down mode. I don't know where to start so I'm wasting time on the computer. That's productive, huh?

I hit a bunch of rummage sales over the weekend and got Paige tons of summer and fall clothes. Plus Little Tikes basketball hoop, car and slide for $20 for all three pieces! I LOVE rummage sales. I also got a bunch of boy clothes for one of my favorite ya yas who is a foster mom.

I'm kinda blue today. I'm a very routine, structured kind of person, like my mom, and Paige got it from me. The past 4 or 5 days have been really weird. My dad came up Wednesday night and watched Paige Thursday, Mike went fishing Thursday night and had Friday off so he stayed home with her while I hit the rummage sales. I was all over the place, southwest of Green Bay and then way over the east side of Green Bay and even east out of Green Bay. I was a crazy woman! Then I came back home, Mike ran down to Green Bay to pick up the Little Tikes stuff I bought since it wouldn't fit in the Taurus and then down to my parent's to drop it off. I went home and finished cleaning and packing for the weekend while Paige napped. Paige got up and we left to go to my parent's house for the weekend. Mike went fishing for the weekend about 10 miles away from my parent's. I spent the weekend there, and then my dad came back up Sunday night and watched Paige yesterday. I finally dropped her off at the sitter's today-she hadn't been there since last week Thursday and I was worried about her falling back into her daily routine. So I get there and my sitter Sandi, is sick and her very pregnant friend is watching the kids today. She was sitting on the couch watching Golden Girls while the 3 or 4 kids played with Little People stuff. Great. Paige sometimes has a hard time when I drop her off and I had a bad feeling about today. She clung to me for a few minutes, but then she went into the kitchen to eat and was fine.

So I get to work and I'm tired and have a bunch of shit to do and don't want to do it. All I can think about is Paige and my family. I need to work something out with my parents if they want to come up and watch Paige, but we all need some sort of structure in our lives. Maybe they can come up and watch her every Wednesday or something.

I've decided to join Weight Watchers online. I'm at my heaviest and I HATE MY BODY. I've finally realized I can't control my eating on my own. I'm not a meetings kind of gal and a girl at work has lost 15 pounds with WW online. I went shopping last night and I can't even fit into 18's anymore, I'm wearing 20s. I hate shopping in the fat lady section.

I miss my ya yas, I haven't chatted with them in a few days. I bought the Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood at a rummage sale, but it's kind of weird so far. OK, back to work for a bit.

Striking a Balance

On Friday night after I was home with Paige 2 days in a row and kind of looking forward to a little bit of a break, Mike informs that he wants to go fishing sometime this weekend, preferably Saturday morning. My immediate reaction was to say NO WAY, but I took a deep breath and thought about it. I guess it's really good walleye fishing right now, but isn't there always a good time to catch some sort of fish? He suggested going overnight and I said no because then you'll be tired and totally useless the next day. So he suggested that he could get up around 4am Saturday morning and go then and get home during Paige's nap. I said fine, but you're taking care of her in the afternoon, so don't pull the excuse that you're tired. And he actually did pretty well with it. I had to nag him a few times, but it wasn't bad.

FISHING FISHING FISHING!!!! I'm so sick of it! I knew I married a fisherman and it wasn't so bad before Paige came along, because I actually like my alone time. But he still wants to go a lot, and I don't know what to do about it. He knows he can't go as much as he did pre-baby, but he doesn't want to give it up. So we need to strike a balance: he wants to fish because he LOVES it, but how often? I feel like he has the rest of his life to fish and Paige is only going to be this age once. And Paige has always preferred me over Mike and there have been a few times when I've wanted to mention that maybe she'd like you a little more if you weren't always FISHING, but I bite my tongue.

Sunday he let me sleep in again and then we went to the mall with Paige. We'd never done that so it was kind of an adventure. She was pretty good as long as we kept moving. She LOVED the play area and the slide! I must get her some sort of outdoor play set; she loves to slide!

We need to strike a balance with Paige. How much do we let her get away with? She fell in love with this $8.50 teddy bear at Old Navy and I was going to buy it and let her keep it even though she has about 50 stuffed animals. Mike said no, which is fine, it would have been a waste of money. So then we go to this Mexican place for supper and Paige won't touch the cheese quesadilla we got her, so she ate tortilla chips and a cookie for supper. Healthy? Not so much. When she screams that she wants me to do something and not Mike, do I swoop in there and rescue her or let him deal with it? When she screams in her highchair because she doesn't like what we've given her, do we let her scream or give her what she wants? Do we let her live on PB&J's right now? Do we go downstairs in the basement and play down there EVERY time she wants or just when we want? I guess these are questions that lots of moms struggle with, and I'll just have to do my best.

Heat Wave!

I'm home unexpectedly with Paige today. Her sitter called at 5am to say she's closed because she has the flu. Not a big deal, I don't mind missing work. Especially when it's 64 degrees out!

We had a great morning. We went for a couple of walks around our block, I pushed her on the swing and we just walked around our yard looking at birds, trees and squirrels. She is so much fun right now! We played in the basement with her big bouncy ball, kicking and rolling it to each other. We did ring around the rosies, and bounced around on the floor like frogs. She's napping right now. It might rain this afternoon, but hopefully we can sneak in a walk to our playground a couple of blocks away.

Another person is coming to look at our house on Saturday! WHO HOO! Please send out house selling vibes for us!

I'm going to get my rummage sale fix tomorrow. There's a 5 family one in Green Bay, well actually Howard, which is a northern suburb of Green Bay and the town we want to move to. I'm hoping to find a Little Tykes playground thing and a nice kitchen. I really have my eye on this kitchen though and might just break down and get it for her birthday:
http://www.step2.com/images/products/736300_popup.jpg

Hopefully Paige will be in a good mood and we can head to the play area at the mall after the rummage sale.

I'm watching a Baby Story and the parents named their baby girl Annalise. That is such a cute name!

Baby Brag Alert!

Stop reading now if you don't want to hear my brag about my wonderful daughter!

Baby Brag #1: She Ate Fruit!!!!! Last night, I took her grocery shopping as part of my effort to getting over my fear of bringing her in public. I picked up some bananas and she insisted that she have one. So she munched on it while I shopped. We got home and she ate some grapes.

Baby Brag #2: She Has a Memory!!!!!! Mike got home and noticed her eating grapes. I told her to tell him what she ate at the grocery store, thinking I would end up whispering it to her and then her telling Mike. But she thought for a minute and said "nana." She remembered!!!!

Baby Brag #3: Ring Around the Rosey. Mike was changing her diaper and she started singing "rosies, posies, ashes, down." She was singing Ring Around the Rosies! So then she insisted that we all do it about 50 times last night. She would go up to Mike, grab his hand, pull him over to me, and then we'd all do it. It was so fun!

Baby Brag #4: She Can Count!!!! We were reading a book where you count barn animals on every page and the last page has 10 cows. I counted them out loud and she said all the numbers with me! She can count to 3 on her own, but will count to 10 with me!

Well, hopefully you made it this far without getting sick. She is the light of our lives and makes us smile every day!

The Stomach Bug Strikes Again

Mike and I just had this a few months ago and it's BAAAAACK! Mike got it Friday, but was feeling better by Saturday. Luckily, Paige and I were at my mom and dad's so we didn't have to be around him when he was sick. However, Saturday night I woke up with it, and felt miserable yesterday. I threw up and had the runs a few times in the morning and was just weak, achy, and lethargic the rest of the day. Luckily, I have a wonderful hubby and he took care of Paige all day. Also luckily, she seemed to understand that I wasn't feeling well, and kind of left me alone and was happy to be with Mike. She's such a mama's girl and will actually tell Mike "NO dada" if she doesn't want him around. But they went for a couple of walks and played all day, so they're buddies again.

On Friday, I met a friend from college at a play area at a mall about an hour away from me and about 15 minutes from my parent's house. She has a little girl, Anna who is 3 months younger than Paige and she's a work from home mom. She is really starting to think about putting Anna in a daycare a few times a week just so she has more time to work, retain her sanity, and get Anna used to kids. I guess Anna is kinda high maintenance! So I was saying yes, daycare is wonderful, I'm so glad Paige is there because she gets to play with kids of all ages, and she is exposed to different things. So we go in the play area and Anna takes off and is playing her little heart out. Paige meanwhile, won't get off my lap for a good 45 minutes. Yeah, meet my highly socialized daughter! Anna's mom could've gone shopping for all she cared, but Paige wouldn't get off my lap. Just a little embarrassing. So I decided that on my days off, that I need to take Paige with me to different outings. I kind of realized she's in her own little bubble; she's either at home or Sandi's (her sitter), or my parents. She needs to get out and be exposed to new things. I have to get over my fear of taking her in public.

Actually, I made a small step towards that goal on Saturday. I stopped at Once Upon a Child in Green Bay on my way home to look for patent leather shoes for Easter. I couldn't find any, but walked out of there with $21 worth of summer clothes for Paige. I got 2 outfits, 3 tops, and 2 shorts. She's obsessed with purple lately, and had to carry the purple outfit with her until we checked out. That store is so ghetto-ish, but I love it! And as long as Paige was holding her beloved purple outfit, she was fine.

We're back into Nemo again. I think she watched it at least 5 times this weekend. She walks around going "Nemo? Dory? Nigel? Marnin (Marlin)?" It's so cute!

I Hate Selling Our House!!!!!!

So, our house has been on the market for a year. That in itself sucks the big one. We've had one open house and no one came. We've shown it maybe ten times in a year and heard the same thing, "we love the house...BUT...." and that but has been anything from it's too small, we don't like the location, we can't afford it, etc.

Yesterday took the cake. Our realtor called us on Monday morning, said these ppl would come on Tuesday at 4:45pm. So Mike and I bust our ass Monday night to get it ready to show. I hustle home to finish it off Tuesday and pick up Duke. So our realtor just called and said the ppl loved the house, but not the location. GRRRRRRRR!!!! Plus they already drove by it and knew the location!!!!! Why waste my time and look?!?!?! I wish someone would just buy the damn thing so we could get the hell out of this town.

Damn you Iowa, Syracuse, North Carolina and Pitt!!!!!!

Are you going huh? I am a HUGE college basketball fan and got into a pool at work. After putting a lot of time and effort into my bracket, I proudly turned it and $5 in last week. I picked Pitt and North Carolina to go to the Final Four and they lost over the weekend so that really screwed me over. Oh well, it's still fun.

Not so fun...Paige has officially hit the terrible twos. She started saying "no" everytime we asked her to do something. I was so in shock over it, that I didn't know what to do!!!!! But she still cracks me up every day and is my little sweetie.

Someone is coming to look at our house tomorrow!!!! YAHOO!!!! It's been on the market for about a year, and we are so ready to move to Green Bay. Send us good house showing vibes!!!!

We have some bad family stuff going on that I can't really get into right now. I just ask for those that are reading that you send out prayers for courage and strength for us.

I can feel another shopping spree coming on. I have two pairs of pants in my cart on gap.com and about $150 worth at oldnavy.com. I just bought a pair of long and lean jeans on ebay-I really hope they fit. I've heard good things about them. We paid off a couple of debts with our tax return so rather than save the money, I feel the need to spend it.

It's about 2:35 here now, so I'd imagine Paige is waking up from her nap. She's so cute when she first wakes up. Her cheeks are a little rosy and she's usually in a smiley mood. I love my baby!

So What Do I Do All Day?

People (including my own coworkers!) don't really know what my job entails so here's what I did today:

On the phone: I re-enrolled 3 clients in the women's health program that I coordinate. I answered questions from 2 moms calling with questions about booster seats for their kids. I ordered supplies for this 8 week teen cessation course I'm facilitating with a guidance counselor from one of the high schools.

I looked over this cessation ciriculum and read two very technical child passenger safety newsletters.

Non-work related, I listed a few things on ebay and chatted with my ya yas! I also listened as a co-worker vented about her ex-husband.

I really enjoy my job most days and am proud that I'm showing my daughter that women can strike a balance between work and home. Although I do miss her during the day, I know she's in good hands and that she's having a fun time with all of her buddies!

I have reached the end of my rope when it comes to planning and cooking meals! I told Mike tonight that if we don't plan supper for the next night before we go to bed, I'm not cooking. We can either have pizza or soup or something like that. I would much rather hang out with Paige (and watch Dora!) than run around the kitchen like a mad woman trying to plan and cook a meal before she demands that I give her my 100% attention! Not sure if we'll plan the meals the night before, but I'm not caving on the cooking meals myself thing!

My Weekend

Friday my mom came to visit Paige and I (I have Fridays off from work) and we watched basketball all day. Her and Paige went for a walk while I ran some errands. My parents see Paige every couple of weeks and I love how close they are. She'll walk around the house asking for them: "ampa? amma? " It's so cute!

Mike (my hubby) was out of town yesterday for a work meeting and then fishing with the guys so it was just Paige and I. She was in a mood all day, so we watched ALOT of Dora! I warned Mike that she may say "Hola" to him when she seems him!

Today Mike let me sleep in and I took advantage-I slept until 10:30 am!!!! It felt wonderful! I love to sleep. He is such a good husband. After Paige napped we went to visit some friends in Green Bay who have a daughter, Grace, who is 6 weeks younger than Paige. It's amazing how different 2 kids can be. Paige is very active, loves to run around, dance and jump. Grace talks very very well, in complete sentences, loves the Teletubbies, and loves to color. She doesn't like puzzles while Paige loves them. Paige could watch Dora, Wiggles, or Clifford all day, but didn't seem to care much for the Tubbies when they were on. They got Grace that Step 2 Dream Kitchen for Christmas and it is the COOLEST kitchen out there. I decided today that we're getting it for Paige's 2nd birthday.

On that subject, I just realized that today Paige is 22 months; in just 2 short months, my baby is going to be 2. I still can't believe that this little bundle that I brought home from the hospital is now running, jumping, dancing, talking and making me laugh every day. Where does the time go?

OK, I've decided to join the rest of the human race and blog! Where do I start? My life really isn't that exciting. Inspired by one of my ya yas, Elisa, I'll do a "where was I last year at this time?" kind of thing. Here goes:
March 2005: Paige is 10 months old and ON THE GO!!! I'm finally feeling like I have the working mom thing down.
March 2004: I'm 7 months pregnant and loving it. Starting to get a little uncomfortable and PO'd at people making fun of my waddle, but other than that life is good.
March 2003: Mike and I have been married for about 1.5 years and we're just starting to talk about having having kids. We decide to wait until summer to try.
March 2002: Mike and I just bought and moved into our first house and got our dog Duke. Life is good!
March 2001: I got the job I have now and move to a nice apartment in a town called Oconto Falls. I LOVE my new job! Busy planning our October 2001 wedding. Mike and I are still about 2 hours apart and so looking forward to getting married.
March 2000: Working as a fitness director at a Native American Reservation. I'm 23 and not ready to be a supervisor. This job is really tough. Mike and I have been long distance for almost a year and we hate it.
March 1999: Getting ready to graduate from college. Complaning about being sick of school and how I can't wait to be in the "real world." Aaahh, what I'd give to go back to those days!
March 1998: Have a boyfriend, Will who is SO not right for me, but I'm sick of being single.
March 1997: Having a blast partying in college!
March 1996: Just dumped my first real boyfriend and LOVING being single!
March 1995: Finishing up my freshman year of college and starting to adjust to college life. It took a while.

Wow, that's my life the past 10 years in a nutshell. Crazy. So now I blog about the present, right? I guess that's to be continued.